You pump the blood so I can breathe, Don't let me go don't ever leave
But I didn’t. He’d made the “wrong” choice, he’d tied himself to the Voice, and while sure, Nate might have once begrudged it, he can’t see any other path anymore. Can’t imagine standing where Sunjata does. But he’s forced to agree with the attuned’s next argument, a narcissistic streak stubbornly refusing to let him disagree. No. No she didn’t. I did that. But She helped me when I was cursed. She... she wants things to be better for us. As always, Nate burns through his anger too quickly, sinking and sagging after his bullshit outburst and pulling away.
A hand in his snatches him back, Nate’s hand at once greedy and firm, nails digging into tanned skin and pale scars. A tremble works its way through his jaw, something he knows Sunjata can see, something else he wants to hide away from. I don’t deserve this. Some soft voice whispers in his head, all the emotion of it pressing through the bond in a heavy, sullen pang.
Then she put her name in you. Then she gave you Kamaria. These are not things Nate can compete with, not things he can fight against. And even if somehow, the lunatic goddess keeps her word, there’s still a mountain of trouble ahead. What about the rest of them? The Remi’s, the Ronin’s, the people who saw him as nothing more than a mistake to be corrected. And if not corrected, then destroyed. The train of thought drags another whine along behind it, panic rising in Nate’s throat that he tries again and again to swallow, pressing his mouth against the solidity of his husbands shoulder.
At least he never gets the chance to settle in any one darkness, never gets the chance to wallow, and grow angry again. Sunjata pulls him closer, Nate powerless to resist as shame and guilt both numb him from the inside out. I... I told her I wouldn’t... wouldn’t do anything to you. Ever. And she had agreed, had smiled and nodded and said she understood, and that... that was all he needed, wasn’t it? That was enough?
Nate sniffles, trying hard to muffle the sound as much as he can, and lifts his free hand to hook around Sunjata’s waist, a teary, broken barnacle clinging to a rotten post. One day they'll fall back into the ocean, separate, but for now they’re one. I... I’m afraid if... if I say too much, I... He shakes his head frantically, clearing away the rest of the thought.
A hand in his snatches him back, Nate’s hand at once greedy and firm, nails digging into tanned skin and pale scars. A tremble works its way through his jaw, something he knows Sunjata can see, something else he wants to hide away from. I don’t deserve this. Some soft voice whispers in his head, all the emotion of it pressing through the bond in a heavy, sullen pang.
Then she put her name in you. Then she gave you Kamaria. These are not things Nate can compete with, not things he can fight against. And even if somehow, the lunatic goddess keeps her word, there’s still a mountain of trouble ahead. What about the rest of them? The Remi’s, the Ronin’s, the people who saw him as nothing more than a mistake to be corrected. And if not corrected, then destroyed. The train of thought drags another whine along behind it, panic rising in Nate’s throat that he tries again and again to swallow, pressing his mouth against the solidity of his husbands shoulder.
At least he never gets the chance to settle in any one darkness, never gets the chance to wallow, and grow angry again. Sunjata pulls him closer, Nate powerless to resist as shame and guilt both numb him from the inside out. I... I told her I wouldn’t... wouldn’t do anything to you. Ever. And she had agreed, had smiled and nodded and said she understood, and that... that was all he needed, wasn’t it? That was enough?
Nate sniffles, trying hard to muffle the sound as much as he can, and lifts his free hand to hook around Sunjata’s waist, a teary, broken barnacle clinging to a rotten post. One day they'll fall back into the ocean, separate, but for now they’re one. I... I’m afraid if... if I say too much, I... He shakes his head frantically, clearing away the rest of the thought.
NATE
