You pump the blood so I can breathe, Don't let me go don't ever leave
Nate can’t bring himself to feel bad, especially not as the complaint rings out along a pulse of amusement that doesn’t loosen the icy claws trying to drag his heart up through his throat. He feels them grip his husband as well, silence carving a home out between them, opening a gap beneath all the physical closeness. He wants to fill it, wants to feed it, but doesn’t know where to start, except by letting his greedy fingers dig into Sunjata’s back. A whine leaves him, head tipping into the fingers still petting through his hair, as if the world wasn’t slowly shattering.
“A year?” Nate scoffs, the fluid in his eyes overflowing enough to send shimmering lines racing back into his hair. His jaw trembles as he swallows, fingers opening to let the hair flutter away. If only all of their troubles could be lost so easily. Are you older than me now sunshine? As if he hasn’t done the simple math over and over in his head, as if he doesn’t know. Just... maybe it’ll sound better in Sunjata’s voice, rather than the panicked one in his head.
They slip closer together, Nate also very resolutely not letting his mind drift beyond their allotted two years. He focuses on a cottage. Focuses on summer storms and waking up late, of warm dinners and laughter and memories. Things for him to look back on after... after...
Band aid it does, a little coverup over a yawning chasm, but enough still to pretend, just for the night, just until Nate remembers how to bury these emotions in shallow graves. The smile that tugs at his lips is a quaking, nervous thing; a beaten dog afraid of even the kindest hands that reach towards it, no matter how hungry it might be for affection. Nate presses into the kiss like he wants to be devoured, like he wants to gorge himself on comfort until there’s simply no room for fear and hurt and futures. Until the chasm is filled.
Sunjata’s words make it harder, even as they ease him, another shivering spark running down Nate’s spine and arching his back. S’new? He hums distractedly, most of his focus poured into the act of licking his husbands mouth open, pressing their tongues together.
“A year?” Nate scoffs, the fluid in his eyes overflowing enough to send shimmering lines racing back into his hair. His jaw trembles as he swallows, fingers opening to let the hair flutter away. If only all of their troubles could be lost so easily. Are you older than me now sunshine? As if he hasn’t done the simple math over and over in his head, as if he doesn’t know. Just... maybe it’ll sound better in Sunjata’s voice, rather than the panicked one in his head.
They slip closer together, Nate also very resolutely not letting his mind drift beyond their allotted two years. He focuses on a cottage. Focuses on summer storms and waking up late, of warm dinners and laughter and memories. Things for him to look back on after... after...
Band aid it does, a little coverup over a yawning chasm, but enough still to pretend, just for the night, just until Nate remembers how to bury these emotions in shallow graves. The smile that tugs at his lips is a quaking, nervous thing; a beaten dog afraid of even the kindest hands that reach towards it, no matter how hungry it might be for affection. Nate presses into the kiss like he wants to be devoured, like he wants to gorge himself on comfort until there’s simply no room for fear and hurt and futures. Until the chasm is filled.
Sunjata’s words make it harder, even as they ease him, another shivering spark running down Nate’s spine and arching his back. S’new? He hums distractedly, most of his focus poured into the act of licking his husbands mouth open, pressing their tongues together.
NATE
