From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
I shouldn't laugh, but I know I'm a failure in your eyes
Stars don't shine. They burn, Ronin says, as though it is something that has only just occurred to him, and his fingers flinch in Safrin's once more. He smiles sadly to hear her question, lowering his gaze away from the celestial fire to the void that lingers around them.
Yes, he says. And no. There is much to understand, but not all of it seems so complicated. Not here and now. Not as hush vibrates through the air around them, and the silence presses in until all Ronin can hear is the blood pounding in his head.
Slowly he lifts their clasped hands, pressing his lips to the back of Safrin's palm in a soft kiss, as if they are meeting for the first time at some banquet or ball. The silence is louder than the roar, almost unbearable to his ears, but there are no longer any words to drown it out. No words, only action.
It's why I have never frowned too much at your bursts of anger. She points out. Unlike Vi, Safrin did not deal with beautiful things forced to be free of imperfections. She loved Ronin for his fire, dark as it could be at times.
As he raises her hand to his lips, Safrin's head tilts slightly to the side as she watches him, watching her. Sliding her fingers forward to press them against his cheek, Safrin rubs her thumb gently across his skin. Ronin looked older and more tired now than he had when they'd first met at the glade, and Safrin? She looked exactly the same, though perhaps her features were now clouded by the complications of their past. Her lips just as beautiful, but stained somehow. Her body as fragile and powerful, but smudged by the fact that she'd already been held by this man already. By others, too.
Speaking of...
"I'm sure you've heard Sunjata is taking some time away...perhaps you could look in on him every now and then? Make sure he hasn't succumbed entirely to the wilderness?"
I shouldn't laugh, but I know I'm a failure in your eyes
And I appreciate you all the more for it, much as I think I often deserve a slap across the face. Afterwards, anyway. Ronin is smiling already to think of their past - because it isn't all thorny, it isn't all pain - and as her hand ghosts across his cheek he leans into it unconsciously, greedy for the touch. His eyes lift back to her face, and for a moment he's that man back in the Glade, his expression one of awe and unfettered adoration, neither knowing nor understanding how such beauty has come to land before him--
And then she starts talking about Sunjata. Ronin blinks a couple of times, as if trying to find the new thread of conversation, and he nods gently once he's got it. "Of course I can," he murmurs. "And I... if I may ask, why is he stepping away? I don't understand why he would turn his back on Torchline." Or on you, goes unsaid.
And time times you might. But it is such a handsome face, after all. She replies with a coquettish shrug. Though Safrin does not pull away as Ronin leans forward, he'll find that in this strange weightless world of fire and shadow, it's hard to find purchase against her. Or maybe she's just pulled her hand back a minute amount.
"He needs to find a balance in his life again. He has let too many things compete for his attention." Her thumb completes a final and lazy arch across his cheekbone, before her hand falls back to her side. "I had hoped one day he would take a place with you in my skies, that you might not have to carry the burden of my banner alone, but..." Her frown is deep and genuine despite her well-chosen words. "...it seems I have only you, Ronin."
I shouldn't laugh, but I know I'm a failure in your eyes
"So I have been told," Ronin murmurs of being handsome, left wanting as he tries to lean into Safrin, though the brush of her thumb against his cheek is enough to make his mouth dry, and his hands almost try to chase hers as her fingers fall back to her side. Only the rapid change in subject prevents him, the Star and his goddess left reeling again in the light of the broiling fire in Safrin's skies.
His brows furrow to hear about Sunjata, Ronin softly shaking his head. "He will recover. He has to," he murmurs, and it's unclear whether he's talking about his friend or his place at Safrin's table. Still, well-chosen or not, her words spark the exact reaction she no doubt intends. "You only need me," he murmurs without thinking. "Your banner is only a burden when I make it one. And I will not make it a burden any longer."
He tries to step forward, though he's unsure how successful he will be, attempting to reach for her, to draw her to him.
"I worry that he's unwilling to see the truth right before his eyes. The Voice has Nate in a way that his love—their love—will be unable to overtake." Safrin replies, her lips flinching into a small frown.
Whether it's a blush or simply the light reflected from the sea of fire that gravity holds tightly bound together near them, Safrin's cheeks grow crimson. "You have your own love that keeps you from me." She whispers softly, as his fingertips brush against the inlet of her waist. It's like they're in water, almost. "But I wish it could be only you Ronin. I always have."
I shouldn't laugh, but I know I'm a failure in your eyes
"Then perhaps he needs a friendly voice to persuade him," Ronin suggests, dark though the train of thought may be. But with all that has come and gone between he and Sunjata, Nate has caused nothing but grief in his life as of late. Still waters run deep, and when it comes to the Ascended, those waters are also filled with blood. "Maybe I could lend an ear when I visit to check on him."
It is like they're in water - or like Safrin is made of smoke. Either way it is a frustration and a longing that almost dims the light of the star in Ronin's eyes, until only Safrin has any colour to her at all. "But aren't there different types of love?" he whispers back, a small smile curling at his lips. "I love my husband. I love my son. I love Vanya, for all she did and gave me. And you and I - we both love our daughter. But no one of them is the same."
He tries again to curl gentle fingers around her waist, watching the play of light across her cheeks. "And you? I can say with certainty that the love I have for you is unlike any other. I love my friends and my family - but I worship my goddess. You are the only one I worship - only you. In a room with all the gods and heralds, from all the stars in the sky, I would never stray from your side." It's a madness, surely, that has overtaken him here in the blank canvas of space, for the words which flow from his lips seem so easy and so true, unhindered by the worries that chain him down on the Caido he has left behind.
"Then perhaps he needs a friendly voice to persuade him," Ronin suggests, dark though the train of thought may be. But with all that has come and gone between he and Sunjata, Nate has caused nothing but grief in his life as of late. Still waters run deep, and when it comes to the Ascended, those waters are also filled with blood. "Maybe I could lend an ear when I visit to check on him."
Safrin's smile is slow, but not unaffectionate. "All these different sorts of love, yes." She agrees with a whisper. "But there is a hierarchy to them. A brightness. Only one of your loves ever tries to dim what you feel for me." She points out as his fingers find purchase against the fabric of her dress, gliding her toward him. Reaching her arms to loop them about his neck as if they are about to dance, Safrin listens to all that Ronin has to say with the expression of one who is holding her breath. Or perhaps waiting for a proposal.
"And in a room filled with more than just the gods and heralds?" She wonders softly, knowing the answer already. Her fingers press softly against his neck, stroking the skin just behind his ear and following it down the curve of his jaw. "We both know in such a room, you would indeed stray from my side." Safrin finishes, peering up at Ronin with starbright eyes that are as condemned by the truth of what she says as hopeful that she might be wrong.
"I understand your love for Remi. You cannot blame me for thinking you deserve better. For wanting to be your first choice, as you are mine."
I shouldn't laugh, but I know I'm a failure in your eyes
Is there? Ronin wants to say. Does there have to be? Why tarnish something pure with hierarchies? But obviously he remains silent in the throes of her words, though as she glides into his grip his arms encircle her. The only dancing they might do here is on the edge of galaxies, under rings of burning starlight, and yet the way they stand together isn't lost on him. "It is as you said - I am a demi-man as well as a demi-god. Please do not hate me for my love," he whispers, and he regards her with eyes gone suddenly misty.
"I can't help the way I feel," he says with a shake of his head, though if anything he only strives to clasp her closer. "I am yours, though. In all the ways that I can be. And I am sorry that isn't enough. I will always be sorry for that. And it won't lessen the love I do hold for you, or the ways I try to show it."
07-09-2021, 02:21 PM (This post was last modified: 07-09-2021, 02:21 PM by Safrin.)
Safrin
"I could never hate you." She whispers as her fingers trickle down from his jaw, to his shoulder, where finally they fan out across his chest. Around them the world pulses vaguely with the beat of his heart, as if something in the Huntsman has been connected to the cosmos. "I cannot help how I feel either." Safrin replies with a soft shrug, feeling all the more ephemeral in his arms. "I am a goddess, Ronin. I have created all that burns bright in the skies...you are not even a god yourself, and it isn't even all your heart you offer." It's sadly said of course, but Safrin is trying to be as realistic with Ronin as he is with her.
'How can things be uncomplicated between us again?" She wonders, peering up at him. "When he lingers in the back of your mind, darkening moments between us that are meant to be bright? I could veil him, just for a time...just when you're with me..." Safrin had done this before, in the bathhouse, just not so candidly. "No." She decides, pulling away slightly. "I know that is not what you would want."
So saying, the heartbeat pulse of the universe reverberates and disappears swiftly and suddenly, leaving Safrin and Ronin back in the Greatwood where high above the stars seem to twinkle merrily.
I shouldn't laugh, but I know I'm a failure in your eyes
His hands sweeps up to cover hers, as the world around them swells and thunders with his heartbeat; a sensation as strange as it is intimate. "I could never hate you either. Of all the things I have ever said or shouted or cursed, in my time... I could never hate you." And he nods, the understanding painful in its realism - that Safrin cannot choose who to love just the same as Ronin can't. And as she puts her points across, his head tilts slightly, but before he can say much on the subject, they are sucked away from the heart of the stars, planted back among the woods and the scent of leaves and dirt.
"Would that make you happy?" he asks softly, suddenly candid in the way he holds her gaze. "If, when I come to a shrine and I call on you, and you respond... if in those moments, all else was veiled from me, and it was just you...?" Is it madness, or daring, or merely a desire to do the best for the goddess who created him that spurs him on? Ronin has no idea, but he forges ahead regardless. "Perhaps not before, but now? I would want that. To have things be as they used to, between us. To make you smile again, the way you did when I first saw you."
'We both know it cannot be just to make me happy.' Safrin replies, her words gentle but pointed. Though she doesn't want to wade too close to the dark waters of their past, it's important that, if this is to be as uncomplicated as possible, that the power differential not be quite so unfairly weighted.
'I would not have you left feeling hollow when you leave and the veil slips away. I would not have you apologize for your time spent with me." That's what would happen, ultimately, as far as she could tell. Ronin would slip home, make amends for the time he'd spent with Safrin, and promise to Remi that really, he was the only one who mattered.
"Perhaps there is no way back to the you and I who met each other in the glade." She says softly. He had lost his wonder—and his heart—and Safrin? She had lost her soft-edges.
I shouldn't laugh, but I know I'm a failure in your eyes
Ronin lowers his gaze, the brightness in his eyes fading by degrees until it's just a flat blue made darker by the night all around them. "Perhaps not," he murmurs, letting out a long sigh. "I have been as honest as I can, and offered all that I am able to offer. I would never apologise for being with you, though. For seeing you, or for doing your work." Running his fingers through his hair, he offers her a gentle smile.
"We can't be what we once were, but perhaps we can be something different instead. Move forward. That's what people do, isn't it?" Are they people? Does it even count? Ronin doesn't even know, stepping back a fraction from the branches where Safrin is nestled.
Fanning her fingers, Safrin can do little more than shrug as the light dies away from Ronin's eyes. "I have been honest with you as well Ronin. That I am first as your goddess I have no doubts. But I would be first in your heart as well, and for that, I won't apologize." Her voice is as unapologetic as her beauty, and as she turns her face up to him, she looks splendidly sad.
Watching as Ronin retreats a step, Safrin folds her hands in her lap. "I think this is the different thing we are now." She says slowly. Ronin was strangely the one with the power here, or at least insofar as he has a goddess pining after him. A goddess who could reduce him to ash with a mere breath, but even so.
