From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Sleep it is, then. Or rather... unconsciousness it is. But though the dragon within him wants to rage and seethe and roar its way to the surface again, the man currently in control is exhausted in a way he has never been before, and so one bleeds into another within very little time at all. Though there is one thing that Ronin hasn't accounted for - when it gets dark in the desert, it gets cold. Colder than the woods, colder than Torchline.
And so it's at the darkest part of the night that he finds himself uncomfortably stirring, before lurching up into a sitting position with a gasp of surprise that instantly turns to pain. Ropes of dark bruises cover his body, and there's something frantic and angry and terrified in his thoughts that he simply can't seem to grapple. When he reaches up as if to rake his hands through his hair, they've already sharpened to talons, and the Huntsman cringes and tries to shake it away.
Trembling with cold, he shifts on the shards of glass, already able to smell blood in the air that does absolutely nothing for the dragon he's trying to keep at bay within him.
i don't want the world to see me, because I don't think they'd understand
It's a thick darkness that Remi has fallen into. Some blacks are soupier than others, some greasier, and some more pleasant. This one is filled with things that bump and stir, voices that wordlessly and soundlessly whisper like papercuts made against silk. There is no mind with which to think, no cogito ergo sum that recognizes that this is the closest to death that he's ever been. There is no he; just skin shredded into ribbons over bones that don't deserve anything more than a strong kick.
Remi lived, he loved, he made too many mistakes for which he couldn't atone, and now he isn't going through the motions of dying so much as they're going through him. His lips are blue, his skin pale save for where bruises flower outwards not unlike the rest of the flora in the desert, or where blood has dried to a colour lighter than black.
when everything's meant to be broken, i just want you to know who I am
Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
It's difficult, at first, for Ronin to recognise the shape in the darkness on the ground beside him as Remi. All he can smell is blood and meat and it has the beast in him very interested indeed; it's almost sickening, the way he feels his mouth water and his teeth grow jagged against his tongue. He shifts to his knees almost against his own will; and it's the pale glow of moonlight that saves him in the end, in the way that it falls just so to illuminate Remi's profile on the ground.
It's enough to bring bile rising up the back of his throat. He reaches for his husband - stops himself - tries again - and eventually presses one hand firmly over the other, trying desperately to feel the thrum of a heartbeat against his finger. Is it there? Fuck, is it there? "Remi?" He chokes out the Lullaby's name like it's stuck in his throat, light suddenly splintering out of him from a dazzle conjured by panic and horror.
Reaching out with hands suddenly cold and calloused and very, very human, he takes in his husband's pallid skin, blue lips, body broken and motionless. "Remi!" Quite what he expects to happen is beyond Ronin's comprehension, the Huntsman letting his fingertips shakily graze over a cold cheek, over torn clothing. "No... no, not this. I can't... I didn't..."
The supernova roars out of him so quickly that it almost takes him by surprise, Ronin rocking back on his knees and almost cringing away from his own light. And when it fades, all is left intact - his focus has been singularly on only one thing, after all.
07-20-2021, 08:28 PM (This post was last modified: 07-20-2021, 08:30 PM by Remi.)
the lullaby
i don't want the world to see me, because I don't think they'd understand
You did, but it is alright, Remi might have said. I had it coming, after all. Now more than ever.
Whether the supernova hasn't worked, if Safrin is just being dramatic, or if time has merely gone awry here in the desert, for a brief eternity, Remi doesn't move even as Ronin's light fades. It isn't that the Lullaby is shying away from life moreso it's that as his bones begin to itch and his skin stretches back toward itself over open wounds, he doesn't quite understand. It's a process unlike anything that he's capable of, and while he waits for death in the cave of what used to be his mind, he simply has no idea what's happening as Ronin weaves him back to life.
When at least Remi becomes a thing capable of having pronouns ascribed back to him, he doesn't burst awake with a gasp, but with a shallow strangle. One of his lugs is still punctured and incapable of holding oxygen while the other is threatening to collapse out of sheer annoyance.
it's okay.
you can let me go
no one has to know
when everything's meant to be broken, i just want you to know who I am
Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
07-20-2021, 08:40 PM (This post was last modified: 07-20-2021, 08:41 PM by Ronin.)
i will be coming back
Ronin doesn't breathe until Remi does - and even then, the strangled wheeze his husband manages is practically echoed in the Huntsman as he lurches closer, still lighting up the night in fractured rays of starlight. "Remi, I'm here. It's okay, I'm gonna..." The words dry up on his tongue to hear the voice echo in his mind, jumbled and distant but as sweet and melodic as they have ever been.
"No," he says through a throat that has grown too tight to really speak, his hands fumbling to grasp one of Remi's that he might press the Lullaby's fingers to his bloody lips. "No, please. I won't, I..." I can't do this without you. Ronin is forced to finish his sentence through their Attuned bond, his breath leaving him in a sob. Tears leak out from beneath closed eyes, finding their way down his cheeks to the cold fingertips he still cradles close.
I won't let you go. I love you. I'm sorry, I won't.
Ronin accidentally uses:
Phoenix Ability | Tears have healing abilities (heal at mastered-level)
i don't want the world to see me, because I don't think they'd understand
For a while it won't look as though much is happening. For all of Remi's superficial wounds, the ones that are gnawing away at his lifeforce are still hidden behind flaps of flesh and juts of bone. Organs shift and shuffle, ignoring fractures that need to be reset. There is a priority to this healing, a method in the madness that neither of them (fortunately) have any control over.
i have never deserved you. Remi thinks, the words a shade brighter than they had been. worse I have never been good enough for you. He'd never lived up to the promises he'd made and the dreams he'd helped weave. Always had the alchemist been a dreamer with a knife, destroying as much as he ever contributed. And now? Gods, why not now? Out here where no one would know? Ronin could just be done with him once and for all. He could save his forgiveness for someone who wouldn't constantly stretch it thin.
He could be happy.
Remi's bloodshot eyes open, though not at the same time. Blinking lazily, for a moment he doesn't understand the star-scape that roars overhead, or why his body feels like it has been covered in lead. He doesn't understand why his eyes feel like they're covered in shards of glass or how to make his head move.
when everything's meant to be broken, i just want you to know who I am
Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
You, Ronin vows, more fiercely than he has ever done before, are everything to me. Without you, there's no point. I don't want to do this without you. He chokes out a shivery breath against the Lullaby's fingers, squeezing his hand and not knowing quite what's happening, but seeming to rally as his husband's voice grows stronger, however small it might be.
I love you, and I'm sorry... you can think that all you like, but that doesn't make it true. Ronin's shoulders tremble with silent sobs that he cages in his chest, further tears streaking his cheeks and dropping against the back of Remi's palm. When he blinks his eyes open, he stutters in a breath to see the other man conscious, shifting closer and reaching out with his free hand to carefully touch his cheek. I did this to you... Gods, this was me. I did this. Remi, I didn't know, I was... It didn't feel real.
A strangled cry does escape Ronin's throat this time, the Huntsman hunched over the Lullaby's prone form, clutching his hand close.
i don't want the world to see me, because I don't think they'd understand
look what i've done to you. Remi counters, though the argument in his voice is weak.
The alchemist thinks he's shaking his head, but nothing moves; not the stars above, not the blue of Ronin's eyes. i did this. to us. More tears fall and as they do, the shifting and itching in his bones grows stronger and more stubborn. Whatever has him paralyzed begins to lessen as the base of his spine snaps and shivers. Fuck but it hurts, not that Remi can do much more than blink in response to the steady pulses of pain that are becoming more and more irregular.
"--Ngg--" Spluttering in a breath, Remi's injured body protests Ronin's nearness even as his mind immediately calls out stay.
when everything's meant to be broken, i just want you to know who I am
Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
No you didn't. Ronin's sob turns into a weak and almost hysterical laugh. We did this. We're both in this together, even for something like this. It's not all on you. He presses a teary kiss to Remi's knuckles, even as the light within him starts to blaze brighter again. Ronin's body has been desperately trying to drag up another supernova for his husband, and it seems he's finally able, and the Huntsman even has the sense to reach out and cover Remi's eyes as it beams out of him.
"I'm here," he manages, in a voice that's small and afraid compared to the creature that brought him here to the sands. "I'm not going anywhere, I'm here." Squeezing Remi's hand, he looks over him as if to check that he's really still alive. Ronin is almost as pale as his husband, such is his exhaustion, but it won't stop him from giving everything he's got to get the other man on his feet again.
i don't want the world to see me, because I don't think they'd understand
For one strange moment, Remi thinks that Ronin means to cover his eyes so that they don't simply stare up at him once he's dead. Or perhaps it's so that the alchemist won't look at him as the Huntsman does kill him. Instead of pressure, there's just shadow, and then then the itch. Like poison ivy rubbed inside of his veins, only now Remi finds he's able to weakly protest this with slight movement.
Remi's fingers work against his husband's, trying to slip between them as his eyes blink back the afterglare of the supernova. "I couldn't even if I wanted to." There's a sideways grin on the alchemist's lips—at least he thinks there is—as he tries to wiggle his toes. "I am not even sure I can walk right now." He adds, coughing out a laugh that's dry and painful and real.
"I wish I had something better to say than I'm sorry." Like when Remi had been pushed away from Vi to fall, and fall, and fall, such was the depth of his grief for the things he'd put his husband through. "I hate the man that I have become, that I would do these things to you. That I have nothing more to say for myself than I did not think, or It was an accident." Reaching out he tries to brush his fingers against Ronin's cheek, to dry the tears there, but his arm falls heavily back toward his body.
when everything's meant to be broken, i just want you to know who I am
Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
"As long as you don't want to," Ronin mumbles thickly, trying and failing for a laugh and letting his fingers thread through Remi's, giving his cold hand a gentle squeeze. "I'll carry you home," he vows, pressing another kiss to the alchemist's knuckles and managing a wobbly sort of smile down to him. "It's not so far, right?" Remi reaches for him, and Ronin is there to catch his hand when it falls, pressing it to his cheek where he intended for it to land.
"I nearly killed you," he whispers. "You didn't do that - I did. If I hadn't woken up when I did or if I'd hurt you more, then..." Shaking his head, Ronin can only press his eyes shut in shame. "I'll never forgive myself," he mutters, and he means it. If he could swallow down the past day and never look at it again, he would. But his conscience makes him examine it in detail, and it will for nights and nights to come.
"What was I?" he mumbles, as if his mind hasn't yet fully comprehended all that has happened.
i don't want the world to see me, because I don't think they'd understand
"I don't." The alchemist replies, the earnestness in his voice coming at a steep price. Coughing, but unable to move his head or body in any useful way, Remi gasps for breath, forcing himself not to rise to the panicky challenge his lungs are issuing, and to instead breathe as calmly as possible despite the discomfort.
'I can always shift to be smaller.' Remi offers, pressing his stiff-fingers against Ronin's cheek but not feeling anything in the tips of his fingers as he does so. It doesn't even occur to him that Ronin could probably carry him even if he was a manticore. "If you cannot almost kill your husband, who can you almost kill?" It's meant to be said with a smile, but with Ronin's magic working deep in his body, he's still unable to do much more than twitch his lips upward at the corners.
"There is nothing to forgive. You were a dragon Ronin. If anyone understands what it is suddenly like to be in a body like that..." Going from mild-mannered alchemist to lion was probably not the same as Huntsman to celestrial beast, but it was close enough. 'I love you endlessly. No one has died. There is no harm done."
when everything's meant to be broken, i just want you to know who I am
Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
"Careful--" Ronin doesn't try to hide his panic as Remi struggles for breath, slipping his hand out of the Lullaby's to cradle the back of his neck instead, easing him up enough that he might be able to breathe a bit easier. "You're perfect just as you are," he vows, turning his head to kiss the inside of Remi's wrist. The Huntsman manages a flicker of a smile in response to the alchemist's attempted humour, but he finds it equally as difficult to conjure up the expression, if not for different reasons.
A dragon. Even as Remi says it, Ronin almost feels it in his bones, rearing up, cunning and violent and bloodthirsty, and it's with a shudder that he nods his head. "There's a lot of harm done," he objects. And there's a lot to forgive, not that he ever will - not when it comes to what he's done to his husband. "I love you too, Remi. Don't talk like I'm better off without you, okay? I'm not. I'm just not."
i don't want the world to see me, because I don't think they'd understand
It's something about how gentle it is, about the perfect silhouette of Ronin's face that fills his vision, about the gesture itself; when the Huntsman kisses the inside of Remi's wrist, the alchemist thinks he could easily die happy, right now, right here. "I love when you do that." He whispers, knowing that Ronin knows, but wanting—needing—to affirm it just the same.
Cradled by Ronin's hands, it's all Remi can do to simply keep eye contact with the former-Star. The need to argue and defend what Ronin has done feels like a physical weight in his stomach that he wishes he could turn away from. He thinks too, that even if he doesn't talk like Ronin is better off without him, that it isn't untrue. That they can't imagine living without one another is hardly the foundation of a happy and healthy life, but gods if it isn't true. It really is just Ronin, in every possible understanding of what that might mean.
"Well, I forgive you for everything you have ever done and anything you might do. And I will always love you just the same as I do now, if not more." Frustrated by his inability to move, Remi sighs as more of his bones meld back together and his skin begins to knit neatly back into one piece. "I am not sure I can move yet though, even if carried. Can we just...stay here, for a little while longer?" It was cold and they were both covered in Remi's blood, laying in sands half-solidified by celestial fire, but still, in Ronin's arms was the only place he wanted to be.
when everything's meant to be broken, i just want you to know who I am
Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
