LOCKE
He doesn't say anything, mostly because he can't. The words are there but they contradict themselves because everything he's feeling is contradictory. He wants to keep fighting, to keep pushing her away but he wants her back just as badly. The attuned tries to relax, his body aching from the sheer stress of being so tense for so long. A few more breaths and he turns to look at her, shaking his head.
"I'm trying, Mae. Don't you see how hard this is for me? I'm not used to people caring about me, okay? Although I'm not sure if you even do anymore. I don't want you to. Better off without me." He turns away from her, burying his head against his knees again as he tries to remember how to breath. "You can't say it doesn't feel like I'm trying. That's not fair. I just got back. Haven't had a chance to try." And you're already writing me off. Just like everyone else. Never good enough.
His grip tightens where they're wrapped around his legs, nails digging into his skin despite the thick fabric of his pants. It's during emotional times like these that he has the least control over his shifting. "I said I was going to stay, didn't I? I said I wanted to help. I never said how I felt about you changed. I never said I didn't want this." There are so many things he wants to throw at her, but he won't. Because she isn't going to say what he wants, even if he knows he's right. So he pushes on, trying to figure out what's productive instead of aggressive. Kind of.
"I don't deserve this, Mae. Not even a little bit. You can tell me it's fine, that it doesn't matter, but it fucking does. I've hurt people, hell, I've killed people. I shouldn't have a family when I've ruined so many others. And now you're the Queen and that's even more of a reason. I'll just drag you down. I already have and I always will. Stop being so stupid and see me for what I really am." It's spoken quickly, like he has to get it out in as few breaths as possible. "I don't think I'm going to make it out of this alive.. Don't know when I decided to have a moral compass but I'm pretty sure it's gonna get me killed. Better off just forgetting about me." Even if it's the last thing he wants.
"I'm trying, Mae. Don't you see how hard this is for me? I'm not used to people caring about me, okay? Although I'm not sure if you even do anymore. I don't want you to. Better off without me." He turns away from her, burying his head against his knees again as he tries to remember how to breath. "You can't say it doesn't feel like I'm trying. That's not fair. I just got back. Haven't had a chance to try." And you're already writing me off. Just like everyone else. Never good enough.
His grip tightens where they're wrapped around his legs, nails digging into his skin despite the thick fabric of his pants. It's during emotional times like these that he has the least control over his shifting. "I said I was going to stay, didn't I? I said I wanted to help. I never said how I felt about you changed. I never said I didn't want this." There are so many things he wants to throw at her, but he won't. Because she isn't going to say what he wants, even if he knows he's right. So he pushes on, trying to figure out what's productive instead of aggressive. Kind of.
"I don't deserve this, Mae. Not even a little bit. You can tell me it's fine, that it doesn't matter, but it fucking does. I've hurt people, hell, I've killed people. I shouldn't have a family when I've ruined so many others. And now you're the Queen and that's even more of a reason. I'll just drag you down. I already have and I always will. Stop being so stupid and see me for what I really am." It's spoken quickly, like he has to get it out in as few breaths as possible. "I don't think I'm going to make it out of this alive.. Don't know when I decided to have a moral compass but I'm pretty sure it's gonna get me killed. Better off just forgetting about me." Even if it's the last thing he wants.
I'm motivated by the lack of doubt
I'm consecrated but I'm not devout
I'm consecrated but I'm not devout
