—I-I...I see y-you too. Did he? Could Remi believe that? After all that Jigano had said, which Remi was it that the bookmaker thought he saw? The one Remi believed himself to be, or the careless and dangerous one that Jigano had painted him as? The alchemist's fingers wrapped around Sam as he curled forward, his strong hands caressing the bookmaker's back in careful and gently rising and falling waves. Remi could feel the way Sam seemed to try and melt against him, and the tenderness of it both made Remi want to scream that he didn't deserve it and to utterly collapse into what felt like something—no, someone—who might actually be good for him.
As Sam pulled back, Remi smiled as he began to wipe the tears away from his eyes, wanting very badly to lean forward and kiss away the remaining shine on his cheeks. But as he began speaking, just as Sam had felt it when Remi had stuttered his way around words he ended up not saying, so too could Remi feel what was coming.
—I think y-you should know
He felt cold and hot all at once. His heart pounded as blood rushed to his ears, roaring with a sound so loud that he worried the breaks in Sam's speech weren't that at all, but missed words. He couldn't hear..he couldn't think, he—
—Remi...
Tears pricked the back of his eyes and a warmth filled his nose as a sob began to rise in the back of his throat. Hands which had fallen down to rest against Sam's hips new trembled, his fingers tapping out some sort of rhythm over which the alchemist had no control.
th...
Remi thought of when he'd told Loren he loved him for the first (and only time), and how the Launceleyn replied that it was too late. He thought of how he'd keenly been aware of all the times after that moment that Loren still hadn't said it back. The alchemist's breath hitched in his chest, eyes scanning Sam's face desperately.
Don't say it, Sam his mind whispered.
Never stop saying it, his heart interrupted.
Remi trembled.
—that I love you.
Milliseconds became decades and Remi became infinitely distracted by the soft rise and fall of Sam's eyelashes. He just wanted to stay here, in this place where anything was still possible and the words hadn't left his lips and nothing had been broken.
No one had been hurt.
Blood rushed lower in his body to places entirely inappropriate, unhindered by the silent war waging on with neither side giving up an inch. Even so, his flesh was entirely content to bask in the affirmation and to crave the newness of Sam. The rush of lust so unbidden and surprising made Remi gasp slightly, his body faltering forwards and his hands gripping against Sam's legs for support. But that movement alone seemed to speed up time and the hammering of his heart screamed that he needed to do something.
He needed to say something.
"Sam.." He croaked, drawing small sips of air over lips that felt entirely too dry all of a sudden. "I—" love you too. I want to say it back. I'm still in love with Loren. I want to press you up against this wall and ravage you. You can't love me. Was Jigano right? Please say it again, over and over. If he didn't say it back, would that drive Sam away? And if he said it now and came to mean it fully later, would that be so wrong?
Tears fell from Remi's eyes as he gazed at Sam, his lip trembling slightly and his heart aflutter in altogether too many ways. "Sam—" He whispered, his voice pleading, wounded, hopeful, and broken. Curling his arms around Sam's body, Remi all but collapsed, his curly head buried in Sam's lap, his tears falling in silent tributaries as his fingers searched and groped and clung to the fabric of Sam's clothes like a lifeline that was probably not strong enough to keep him afloat. R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space
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