How do I keep myself from fallin' apart when I ain't never felt part of a whole?
The singing, bell-like creatures are a beautiful distraction to be sure, but even their jubilant music cannot divert her attention from Deimos’ blackened form for long. She feels as if she needs to apologize - but unsure as to what exactly. His uncertainty only feeding into her own, though her emotions are tinged with a different shade of tentativeness.
His denial at least is cause for brief curiosity, feline head turning anew to the noisemakers to see them in a different light. Not magical then, but natural? I wonder how they survive, making noise as they do. Eternally alerting predators to their presence.
Of course the matter cannot be ignored, and though she doesn’t want it to be, for a moment she wishes it could have been postponed a moment longer. Anything is better than how I felt then, she admits, vulnerable in way only he is safe to do so with. Though she doesn’t edge any closer, doesn’t force her presence upon him for fear it is now unwelcome. Sitting cautiously, tail flicking against the snow, she tries to keep her emotions from bleeding into the hollow space between their minds and only partially succeeds. Phantom sensations of what she’d experienced then - the fog of numbness, the certainty that they would all be better off…well. It makes her sick to remember even now, and her furred hide shudders with revulsion and the last lingering vestiges of terror. I asked for Phoebe Steadman’s help. She had magic that - well, honestly I’m not sure what it did, but she said it could heal the mind. I stayed for a few days to let her observe me, and then I went back to the twins. And seen Sunjata and Maeve and Wessex between. This season was shaping up to be another hellish storm of emotion, and she wants nothing to do with it.
Remorse, profound and sharp, follows on the heels of that exhaustion. I’m sorry you were involved. I didn’t know who else to go to, to confide in, and when I got your letter I wasn’t thinking clearly. Apologizing is far from her normal behavior, but Deimos of all people is worth it. Pride would never get in the way of her sincerity with him. I feel I’ve missed so much. The last few seasons have been a prolonged nightmare. And she just wants to wake up.
His denial at least is cause for brief curiosity, feline head turning anew to the noisemakers to see them in a different light. Not magical then, but natural? I wonder how they survive, making noise as they do. Eternally alerting predators to their presence.
Of course the matter cannot be ignored, and though she doesn’t want it to be, for a moment she wishes it could have been postponed a moment longer. Anything is better than how I felt then, she admits, vulnerable in way only he is safe to do so with. Though she doesn’t edge any closer, doesn’t force her presence upon him for fear it is now unwelcome. Sitting cautiously, tail flicking against the snow, she tries to keep her emotions from bleeding into the hollow space between their minds and only partially succeeds. Phantom sensations of what she’d experienced then - the fog of numbness, the certainty that they would all be better off…well. It makes her sick to remember even now, and her furred hide shudders with revulsion and the last lingering vestiges of terror. I asked for Phoebe Steadman’s help. She had magic that - well, honestly I’m not sure what it did, but she said it could heal the mind. I stayed for a few days to let her observe me, and then I went back to the twins. And seen Sunjata and Maeve and Wessex between. This season was shaping up to be another hellish storm of emotion, and she wants nothing to do with it.
Remorse, profound and sharp, follows on the heels of that exhaustion. I’m sorry you were involved. I didn’t know who else to go to, to confide in, and when I got your letter I wasn’t thinking clearly. Apologizing is far from her normal behavior, but Deimos of all people is worth it. Pride would never get in the way of her sincerity with him. I feel I’ve missed so much. The last few seasons have been a prolonged nightmare. And she just wants to wake up.
HOTARU
