but the thing is, even if i could go back, i wouldn't belong there anymore
Mildew's words are humbling in a 'my life is way smaller than I think it is' kind of way. Aurelia wonders what the centuries-old witch thinks of the current 'political climate', but she decides to hold back that question for a better moment.
She stiffens uncomfortably at the words 'queen' and 'regal', but maybe she can get away with pretending it's the sight of the dark, brown paste that Mildew comes over with. There wasn't anything pretty or nice about healing, was there?
"I think...a part of me hates it, because I had to give up a lot. Things that were important to me but not my position. The transfer of power also meant that Sunjata was stepping down. I wanted to help him. Not replace him..."
"But knowing I could do something to help the city.. It's bigger than just the people I care about. It's everyone else, too. My priorities completely changed," she gives a moment's pause and sighs, "and I think my personal life has suffered for it."
And, yes, the irony of that statement does go completely over her head.
She flinches at the feeling of pressure - even just from water - on her leg. It takes a moment for her to relax, for her jaw to slack and her muscles to stop quivering. It helps to focus on the conversation, even if it isn't a very easy one.
"I've had to hunt for food, or kill in self-defense. It was just another one of those things to me... A necessity," she peers at Mildew with a deeper frown, ashamed. Not that she ever was proud of it but, in front of someone who valued nature so much - lived amongst it as if she were one with the wilds? It brings her no joy to explain, "I've never really looked at animals as... anything more. To me, killing the unicorn was nothing. To their companion, it was... everything, I guess."
"It nearly cost me everything, too," she admits with a quieter voice, feeling more and more regret as she continues, "the person was invisible and.. she struck me with her magic," she pulls up the ragged sleeve on one of her arms, revealing the fern-shaped scars all across her skin from being struck by Hotaru's lightning. "She tried to kill me. And if it weren't for the people in my life, or for Safrin, she would have."
She stiffens uncomfortably at the words 'queen' and 'regal', but maybe she can get away with pretending it's the sight of the dark, brown paste that Mildew comes over with. There wasn't anything pretty or nice about healing, was there?
"I think...a part of me hates it, because I had to give up a lot. Things that were important to me but not my position. The transfer of power also meant that Sunjata was stepping down. I wanted to help him. Not replace him..."
"But knowing I could do something to help the city.. It's bigger than just the people I care about. It's everyone else, too. My priorities completely changed," she gives a moment's pause and sighs, "and I think my personal life has suffered for it."
And, yes, the irony of that statement does go completely over her head.
She flinches at the feeling of pressure - even just from water - on her leg. It takes a moment for her to relax, for her jaw to slack and her muscles to stop quivering. It helps to focus on the conversation, even if it isn't a very easy one.
"I've had to hunt for food, or kill in self-defense. It was just another one of those things to me... A necessity," she peers at Mildew with a deeper frown, ashamed. Not that she ever was proud of it but, in front of someone who valued nature so much - lived amongst it as if she were one with the wilds? It brings her no joy to explain, "I've never really looked at animals as... anything more. To me, killing the unicorn was nothing. To their companion, it was... everything, I guess."
"It nearly cost me everything, too," she admits with a quieter voice, feeling more and more regret as she continues, "the person was invisible and.. she struck me with her magic," she pulls up the ragged sleeve on one of her arms, revealing the fern-shaped scars all across her skin from being struck by Hotaru's lightning. "She tried to kill me. And if it weren't for the people in my life, or for Safrin, she would have."
Aurelia
