From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Compared to everything else that Ever knows, Finn feels like a block of marble around him; strong, and warm, and protective. Never mind that most wouldn't view Finn that way. Smelling in the familiar scent of soap and parchment, Ever tries to tell himself that everything will be okay, even if stupid Suzie at school says it won't.
"Is that okay?" The boy asks, peeping up at his father apologetically. "I really did want to help clean, I just...I dunno. What the kids said really bothered me. And I believe you, but...the feeling hasn't gone away yet." He explains as best he could, twitching his lips slightly.
"Of course it's okay," Finn tells his son. "I would quite like a walk and some cocoa as well." And once Ever is safe at home with Tobi, Finn will come back to his office and meticulously finish what they have started. Because of course he would - there was never any doubt about it. "And I understand. It isn't wrong to have that feeling, though, and it's okay if it sticks around for a while. But you let us know if it still bothers you enough that you can't concentrate, okay?"
Giving his shoulders a squeeze, Finn abandons the office as is (which, in itself, is an act of chaos never before seen in the midst of the Spyglass). "Do you know, those other kids probably have a lot of things that they feel insecure about. It doesn't make what they say any better, but they probably feel the same way you do, just about different things."
one moment you’re lost in a carnival of delights
the next, it leads you somewhere you don’t want to go
"mhmm." Ever agrees as he straightens, taking a deep breath and then stepping off the stool. "You think so?" He wonders, sounding both hopeful and distraught all at once. "That's sad." They were so young, and naive as he was, even Ever knew life would only get more and more complicated. That it was all started for them so early seemed incredibly unfair.
Reaching for his scarf and jacket, Ever carefully gets himself dressed to go out into the cold before looking up uncertainly at Finn. "A girl I met held my hand." He confides in a low voice, as if finally relenting and confessing to some wrong-doing. "She didn't even ask first." Ever adds pointedly, before sighing.
"It is sad," Finn agrees, because he and his son are alike in an abundance of ways, and the Spyglass will never shy away from having frank conversations with him. He pulls on his coat and scarf and together they leave the office, weaving through the Collegium and out towards the exit of the Tower. "But at least it might help you to understand why some of your classmates say hurtful things. They are trying not to look at their own problems. They probably don't mean it."
No sooner is one crisis averted when Everest throws another onto the fire, and Finn glances across at his son with a stormy gaze that's suddenly sharper than it was before. "She did?" he echoes, holding open the door so Ever can step outside into the snow. "Did you want to hold her hand back?" he asks. "Because if you didn't, you can always tell her to stop, Ever. Okay?"
one moment you’re lost in a carnival of delights
the next, it leads you somewhere you don’t want to go
Nibbling at the inside of his lip, Ever doesn't reply right away. Certainly, he doesn't want to contradict his Dad, but there seemed to be nuances that Finn wasn't aware of. Or, at least it seemed that way to Ever. "Well...she just seemed so excited about it. And if I pulled my hand away she would have thought I was being rude, and I didn't want to be rude, so it seemed easier to just..." Roughly, he shrugs his shoulders until they bunch up by his ears. "It seemed that my discomfort was less than the disappointment she would have felt if I would have pulled away." The emotional math was clear, only...
"Uhm, but...she sent me a present." Ever reveals, reaching into his coat pocket to pull out the delicate bracelet Paige had sent. Even in the overcast light, the coloured stones shimmered and gleamed fantastically in a way that made his mouth water and his stomach drop. "I don't know what to do." He concludes glumly, before glancing up at Finn as if his father might just know the best way to reciprocate such a gift.
Finn doesn't realise he's bitten the inside of his cheek until he tastes iron in his mouth, and he swallows hard and reaches out to gently usher his son to the side, guiding him away from the stream of people coming out of the Tower. When he does speak he manages it without shouting (even though he wants to scream it) and with a voice that's warm and calm and steady, but equally as firm as any parent's. Leaning down before Ever, the snow is going to soak through the knee of his pants, but he doesn't care.
"Listen to me, okay? This is very important," he says softly. "Your discomfort is never less important than someone else's disappointment. When it comes to what you feel comfortable doing, it doesn't matter if you are rude. I know there are rules we usually follow when it comes to other people, but this is allowed to break all of those rules, Ever. I promise. You will never get in trouble for it with your mom or with me. You can say no, and you should say no if you don't want to do something. Do you understand?"
Stormy eyes hold the boy's up until the gift is presented, and Finn tilts his head down at the bracelet. He also finds it pretty, but it doesn't change the thread of this conversation. "Well... what would make you feel comfortable? You could write a thank you note, or return the gift if you don't want it."
one moment you’re lost in a carnival of delights
the next, it leads you somewhere you don’t want to go
Gentle as Finn's guidance is, Ever's stomach instantly sinks and his stomach sloshes as if suddenly filled with icewater. Though he doesn't dare look up, instead keeping his eyes trained on the ground and wide with horror, he's almost sure to see a scowl on his father's face. He's done, or said, or asked something wrong, and though he doesn't know what, the fact that he's been displaced and that Finn is suddenly at eye level seems to herald doom.
With his mouth dry, Ever nods hard enough to make his curls bounce. But...what Finn says is entirely unexpected, such that despite his attempt to keep his expression politely neutral, Ever finds his mouth dropping open. "But..." The boy is too young to have the vocabulary to describe the ways in which both of his parents—and the world—has already saddled him with emotional baggage. Chief among the things he totes around with him is an endless disposition that never wants to disappoint, which makes agreeing with Finn on this all the more complicated.
"...I think she was just trying to be nice." He says, of both the hand-holding as well as the bracelet. 'And I don't want her to think she did anything wrong. Because she didn't, right? It's my fault for not saying something."
"I know it feels like it doesn't make much sense. And I know you don't want to disappoint anyone, but please remember what I said okay?" Finn smiles sadly to his son, because he understands exactly the squirming discomfort that goes along with saying no. But more than that, he knows almost every consequence for not having boundaries. And he wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy.
Taking a deep breath and letting it out again, he rises to his feet again and guides Ever back out onto the pathway. "It isn't your fault," he says warmly. "And it isn't her fault either, but perhaps you could tell her you would like it if she asked you before she did things like that next time? I bet she would feel bad if she knew you didn't really want to."
one moment you’re lost in a carnival of delights
the next, it leads you somewhere you don’t want to go
It isn't a scolding, and yet Ever is still left feeling slightly unstable and cold inside even if he can't say why. This idea is simply too big for his little mind, and the baggage his father has such that this is more of a Talk than he'd been expecting, only confuses him more. "Okay." Ever agrees, wanting to reach up and take Finn's hand as he often did with Tobi. After all this talk of touching and consent though, he decides it's perhaps safer just to tuck his fingers away in his jacket pocket.
"Can I really do that, Dad? Just...tell people to please ask before they touch me? Like...after saying hello, or introducing myself?" He wonders, sounding mildly mystified and hesitantly optimistic.
It isn't often that Finn is glad to hear the agreement in his son's voice even if he knows that he's not feeling entirely confident in what he's been told, but this is important enough that the Spyglass needs him to be aware regardless. Smiling at the boy's question, he nods to him. "You can," he says. "Not only that, I would think that is a very polite thing to do. That way the other person won't accidentally be rude as well," he explains.
"And if they forget, that's okay. That happens sometimes. Just remind them and if they are your friend, they will understand." And if they don't, or if they continue to do it anyway? They are the ones breaking social norms, then.
His smile turning a touch crooked, Finn is the one to offer out his hand for his son. "Would you like to walk together?" he asks, their footsteps crunching through the snow.
one moment you’re lost in a carnival of delights
the next, it leads you somewhere you don’t want to go
And so it is that Ever learns to introduce himself as Everest Hart, please ask before touching me, thank you, nice to meet you.
With this new tool to use against the world and his father's hand in his, Ever goes from feeling cold and uncertain to internally beaming with confidence. Even so his fingers are soft and polite in Finn's grip at a time where other children might squeeze their parent's fingers and enthusiastically drag them around. "Yes please." He says of walking some more, before adding: "I love you Dad. Thanks for talking to me." The cromch of snow beneath their feet nearly covers the words, but not all the way, and as Finn looks down, Ever thinks he loves his dad more than he ever has.
