we knew it would come to this

October

when the night falls on you
& you don't know what to do

Sweaty palms. Ringing in her ears. Disorientation. Dry mouth. A weight against her chest. Tobi could at once diagnose the signs of a panic attack that was beginning to build, and yet she finds herself smiling softly and shaking her head. "You could have asked to leave, and he might have even let you. But what would you have done if he'd sent that letter, addressed to Finn Rosencrantz, saying you were the only one who could help. That going to the peepholes could mean the difference in the war?" Knowing Cian it would probably have included something about Finn's efforts actually being a way of keeping his son safe. Softly, Tobi shrugs as shards of ice seem to form in her stomach. "He would have found a way to get you to agree. He always does."

He always does.

Feeling the unmistakable urge to begin to hyperventilate and let her panic take over, Tobi looks down at their intertwined fingers with a bittersweet smile. She remembers still the man who had slept on the couch in her office while she read to him, for whom holding her hand would have caused his mind to erupt into quiet chaos. And now here he was, his fingers between hers, making promises he had almost no way of keeping. 'Okay.' Tobi whispers, if only because she can feel the tremors that would come if she tried to speak any louder.

"I'll..go get that ready for you." Would she make it to her office before the tears and uncontrollable sobs came?

Probably not.

nothing you confess
could make me love you less