i hear you crying

KIADA you love each other, you do, and here's the tragedy; it's not enough. “I will be able to walk.” She hears the red headed man speak, and she nods to him looking back to the lamb. She hears as Caiside mentions she should carry it, but there’s something lingering in the back of her mind, something akin to betrayal if she were to care for this young Luxere while Khairi is nowhere to be found. But then, she figures that it’s just a wounded creature that needed help and likely nothing would come from it. So she nods, reaching around the fluff of the smaller babe to cradle it to her chest as she looks back to Isla’s body one last time. But as she stands and prepares to move, she finds that the fawn starts to nuzzle into her as its antlers begin to glow and alight her chest and face in a swathe of light to ward away the darkness. With a deep breath, Kiada trudges through the snow and the darkness toward the Rathskeller. Her arms shaking by the time she reaches close to the Temple with the weight of the creature in her arms. But this Luxere is different, and she moves through the other herds that had returned, they watch as she carries one of their own but make no move to claim it. It is then when she realizes that it is because he has claimed her. There’s a familiar sensation deep in the back of her mind and she struggles against it – struggles with her heart against it. That part of her mind, it had belonged to Khairi and his wit and guttural, gravelly voice that chastised her at every corner. Now, it was taken by something full of light that barreled its way into her heart and her mind. She has betrayed Khairi. She has given his space to another, as if she has moved on and forgotten him to the winds and worlds she had lost him in. And this one, her eyes well with a small amount of tears as she looks down to the glowing Luxere in her arms, nuzzling and happy to be with her, to be protected as it buries its way into her mind – into the only place of her she had tried to protect. But he seems content, to be connected to her despite the darkness and the bloodshed in her memories. The light, the help, in the darkness of her mind and heart. “Auni.” She breathes in her native tongue. Her light. Her help. For whatever else comes her way. He could never replace Khairi, but at least she’s not alone anymore. She realizes, then, that when Longnight is over she must return to the cabin in the woods, to show Ru’in the event that had transpired. To watch his bi-colored eyes widen as she mentions she slipped out during Longnight and only came away with a companion and a minor set of chills. How she would need to reassure him that she was fine, and even though someone else had died, it wasn’t her. That she was here. She was with him, like it always would be. Her arms quiver as she reaches the steps to the Rathskeller, the one that leads directly to the tavern. She sets Auni down on the ground beside her, the small fawn braying quietly while his antlers continue to shine. The glow reflecting off the door and minor scratches near the handle as she knocks. But it glimmers on something else, something bright and fiery, and she finds her icy gaze slipping down to the steps. A note with a piece of bronze within. Her brows furrow ever so slightly as she bends down – the world revolves in slow motion as her gloved hand extends to pick up the note and the item within. As she lifts it, it falls into her other hand and she inspects it before she looks to the note. It looks like a wing, or the sprout of a fire. And she makes a sudden connection that causes her stomach to drop like the weight of the world as it crushes her chest. There is only one person that knows of her flame and her wings. There is only one person who crafted in bronze. There is only the one that held her heart for so long. She disregards the note for a moment as she scans the door again, to see the scratches on the door and the bits of fabric that have settled like ashen snow around the door. She doesn’t know if she wants to read the note. Perhaps he had left it for her to find, to see him after. But why would he have left his home, the cabin in the woods for Longnight when certainly he knew the consequences. Unless he thought the patrons would let him in? But he had known he appeared as a monster, with slurred words and unable to articulate things correctly. It is then that she realizes that she could have let him in, could have seen to it that he would be safe and loved and warm. But she had left. She had left. She had replaced Khairi with another, the fawn now huddling against her legs with the glow of the antlers reflecting off the bronze in her hand and the note as he whimpered quietly, urging her to open the door. She puts a hand to the door, her sorrow pooling like a fiery flame within her chest, snaking through her throat and constricting it as her eyes slip to the note. “Kiada.” It begins. Her heart thunders, hammering in her chest. Her eyes following word by word, as if he’s beside her and saying it with his slurred speech. Her eyes well with tears as she reads his words, a sorrowful smile pricking at the corner of her lips at the beginning. She knows he’s not good with words, but the idea of him trying for her makes it hurt even more. “The Basin was where we lived.” She thought of the mountains and the aurora as it danced above. “But home was wherever I was with you.” The tears swelled before they slipped down her cheeks, breaking a trail through the dirt that had accumulated there. But she read further, rereading the lines before she read the last two sentences. “I love you.” She mouthed the words as if she could respond to him there, that he’d show up waiting behind the bush to surprise her. But he’s not there, there’s nothing there. Except for the last sentence of the note, and the bronze in her hand that she clutches like a lifeline. “Will you marry me?” There’s silence before the world picks up again, and her mind and heart are numb though the tears continue to drift down her cheeks as rivers. She doesn’t feel her hand as she pounds on the door now, that darkness within her breaking open like a dam to flow within her. She could have lived a happy life with Ru’in, with a man she’d loved since she was a child. A man she had seen before her eyes die once before, only to be given a second chance. And she had wasted it. “OPEN THE DOOR.” She shouts at the door, the pounding increasing as Auni presses against her side in worry. She needs to get inside, she needs to inspect the bronze and pray it’s a stupid joke someone put on her. She needs to find out what exactly happened while she was away. There’s a sudden craving for blood that wells in her mind, for justice, for something to atone for everything that has happened to her. Her pounding increases and she bites her lip hard enough to draw blood as it drips down her chin. Her eyes bright yet awash with pain and despair and torture that every world she’d been in had given her. When would enough ever be enough? you are allowed; to watch the sun swallow him whole and burn him up, to stain your fingers to the bone holding him together. to count the constellations in his eyes as they blink out. but you are not allowed to save him...