i hear you crying

KIADA you love each other, you do, and here's the tragedy; it's not enough. She clutches the note and the bronze like it’s a lifeline – like if she can get inside it’ll lead her back to him. She knows it’s impossible, but she can’t let it settle into her yet. That he’s gone once again. She doesn’t realize she’s holding her breath while the tears continue to track down her cheeks, while the blood continues to drip down her chin. She continues to beat on the door in a frantic manner that matches her heartbeat. She does not settle for pleases and thank yous, instead she continues to beat upon the door with an ever growing shout hovering on her lips. Perhaps they wouldn’t let her in either. Maybe it would be better that way. Maybe she could see Ru’in again. She’s taken from the thoughts as Auni braces against her, trying to nuzzle her and show her that her thoughts would drown her if she’d let them. She wants them to, though, and the pounding of her arms stop slowly just seconds before she can hear the locks clicking out of place. The door opens and suddenly the world is slow again, revolving as the seconds pass and she spies a young woman first with fiery hair and Seiji. A whimper leaves her lips as she bursts through the door with Auni in tow, the Luxere fawn hobbling in and leading the way. The glow of his antlers fading ever so slightly with the light, but the clack of hooves against the hardwood pounds loudly in her ears. She can’t hear the chatter of the bar, the flickering of the flames, anything that Seiji or Melita might say. She doesn’t even turn to close the door after she enters, instead she sinks into herself further. Clutching the bronze pendant to her chest and ducking her head until she can compose herself. She doesn’t even have the pleasantries within her to tell them thank you for opening the door for her. Auni is whimpering slightly, brushing up against her to try and comfort with a wide eyed look, trying to press into her with his budding antlers to get her to move, to not cause a scene he’s certain she’s about to. She doesn’t even pause to tell everyone what happened, that the Luxere was hers and welcome within. But she doesn’t know if Auni, too, will leave after Longnight with the rest of the Luxere. And then she’ll be alone again, like she should have been from the start. She looks to Seiji, her face tearstained and dripping a mix of tears and blood and clutches the pendant harder. “Nobody let him in…” She begins, a quiet, shaky, and breathless sob that leaves her lips. “Nobody let him in and he died out there.” She finds that she’s shouting now – her eyes shuttering and darkening as she leaves his face (never could she think it was Seiji’s fault for not letting him in, it was everyone else’s). She looks to Melita then, then to everyone else in the Rathskeller as if she were memorizing their faces. When she turns back to Melita and Seiji, she’s shaking despite the comfort Auni is trying to give her. She looks back down to the note in her hands with the bronze pendant, taking her gloves off and throwing them somewhere, to hold the bronze piece against the palm of her hand. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” She nearly whispered. What did she ever do in all her lives, in all her worlds, to deserve all of this? Her knees shake as she takes a step forward, as Auni moves out of her way with lowered ears and a quiet bleat of comfort – but she doesn’t want it. She wants Ru’in back, she wants those that let him stay out there, thinking he’s a monster. She would have gladly opened the door and welcomed death if it had come in the form of Ru’in. She clutched the note tighter and quietly sobbed. you are allowed; to watch the sun swallow him whole and burn him up, to stain your fingers to the bone holding him together. to count the constellations in his eyes as they blink out. but you are not allowed to save him...