Hotaru
"But he was already a demigod then, and tied directly to her," she points out in soft undertone. "Deimos was similarly only Attuned, and you have already given her a daughter. If she seeks a new demigod, she has many followers who would be willing - you don't have to be the martyr, Sunjata." As he has been so many times. Constantly sacrificing himself for the sake of others, or led astray by his own good intentions gone wrong. He is doing better, and there is a new undertone of bittersweet pride from her side of the bond, because for her it was too little too late. But it didn't have to be for Sunjata, and Hotaru would do whatever she could to ensure that would come to fruition.
In this too they are opposites, because for Hotaru it is so much easier to be angry when she's drunk. Or, perhaps that's not quite right. Hotaru spends nearly every waking hour controlling her emotions, overthinking every interaction, parsing intentions and projecting different faces to those she holds at arms length - most of the general world, really. And without that control so tightly held, she can finally just feel, and every time it is with an intensity that blinds her. It makes it hard to hide things from him through the bond, even muted as it is when they are both tangled up human and flawed in a bed that belongs to neither of them.
They lock eyes, and Hotaru can't so much as blink, even as anxiety creeps into the back of her mind. Had she gone too far now? The lines have already been crossed so fully tonight it would be laughable, but the Valkyrie knows how quickly a situation can become too much even with the most innocent of actions. For a moment as his calloused fingers touch her back, she is ready to use her newfound command over air to encourage the cloth back down to make the choice easier for him, to fix things and take the decision out of his hands. Until he continues a moment later, and she is torn on what he needs from her. What he really needs, and not what the alcohol is telling him he wants. Hotaru isn't good for him, and she can only let him indulge so much before things go too far and he will inevitably awaken and be hurt by all she let him do.
Even now, she is just trying to protect him.
It's why she laughs wetly and averts her eyes, unable to hold his gaze in the dim glow the fire provides from so far away. Lays her forehead against his collarbone so that the absence of her gaze isn't so obvious. “I’m sorry. For all the shit I put you through.” "It was never a burden. Not to me. And everything else...there is nothing more to forgive." And there is a finality there. She can give him nothing more than what he already has from her. His apologies were needless.
In this too they are opposites, because for Hotaru it is so much easier to be angry when she's drunk. Or, perhaps that's not quite right. Hotaru spends nearly every waking hour controlling her emotions, overthinking every interaction, parsing intentions and projecting different faces to those she holds at arms length - most of the general world, really. And without that control so tightly held, she can finally just feel, and every time it is with an intensity that blinds her. It makes it hard to hide things from him through the bond, even muted as it is when they are both tangled up human and flawed in a bed that belongs to neither of them.
They lock eyes, and Hotaru can't so much as blink, even as anxiety creeps into the back of her mind. Had she gone too far now? The lines have already been crossed so fully tonight it would be laughable, but the Valkyrie knows how quickly a situation can become too much even with the most innocent of actions. For a moment as his calloused fingers touch her back, she is ready to use her newfound command over air to encourage the cloth back down to make the choice easier for him, to fix things and take the decision out of his hands. Until he continues a moment later, and she is torn on what he needs from her. What he really needs, and not what the alcohol is telling him he wants. Hotaru isn't good for him, and she can only let him indulge so much before things go too far and he will inevitably awaken and be hurt by all she let him do.
Even now, she is just trying to protect him.
It's why she laughs wetly and averts her eyes, unable to hold his gaze in the dim glow the fire provides from so far away. Lays her forehead against his collarbone so that the absence of her gaze isn't so obvious. “I’m sorry. For all the shit I put you through.” "It was never a burden. Not to me. And everything else...there is nothing more to forgive." And there is a finality there. She can give him nothing more than what he already has from her. His apologies were needless.
But I am just a broken machine
And I do things that I don't really mean
And I do things that I don't really mean
