[Training] try to find if it was worth what you spent

Hotaru

It’s easy to forget he’s hurt when they’re wrapped around each other, chilled by water not yet gone warm with the oncoming summer. She will feel guilty when she remembers, but for now it’s as if there’s sunlight in her veins, shining through her skin and warming her from the inside out. Forgetting things like boundaries and broken hearts in the simple joy of roughhousing and acting foolish.

Ru freezes where she clings to him, his sudden shift upwards away from the water suspicious, but she can’t release him without falling directly into the water herself. So she’s admittedly stuck. Her spine arches just a little instinctively as his arm braces at her lower back, holding her closer - and just as he’d been distracted by her actions earlier, the tables are spun against her, too busy hiccuping a startled breath to investigate her suspicions.

The drawl of his words vibrates against her skin where they press together, and her reaction is horribly delayed but when the words register her cheeks flame red, spreading over her nape and down her chest, even over her ears. “Sunjata!” she splutters, flustered. Nate was always the one with the filthy mouth, not Sunjata. But of course it’s exactly the double-entendre he was hoping to use to distract her, because the gleam of water above them is registered but far too late. With a yelp she tries to somehow burrow closer under his chin, as if that alone will spare her, but the cold water rains down on her regardless and her shrieking laugh is muffled against his heart where her lips are pressed.

Well, she’s not about to leave the scoreboard weighted in his favor. Dropping one leg she plants it in the silt, and hauls backwards with all her might, arms still linked behind his nape and around his shoulders. Sacrificing herself to drag him down under with her and accomplish her initial goal.

Now you can quit, you can cave in
but just know you're not beyond saving

i heard you say that you've lost, you've lost, you've lost, you've lost your way

Truthfully, Sunjata’s learned a thing or two from Nate – and seeing it register with her, he can’t help but to let the grin spread through the pain to rumble a vibrating laugh – one he knows that she’ll feel through every inch of them that’s connected. The sparkling water above them flicker like diamonds briefly before it falls like little drops of a spring rain down onto them. He tries to focus on her more than himself, but he’s caught in the crossfire as she buries her face into his neck and chest.

He can feel the way her warm lips press against his chest and it does well to distract him yet again, the hand supporting her loosening a fraction as he figures she’s holding on well enough on her own. “What?” He taunts her playfully, right when she lurches herself backwards, effectively twisting him just enough to slip forward – following her into the water with a loud splash. Luckily it’s shallow enough here that he can lose his grip on her to try and sit himself up a bit more, a bark of laughter leaving him. “You’re distracting.” He whines instead, feigning some innocence as if it might keep from her seeing his movements.

Hands slide along her to reach for her wrists, aiming to connect them in one hand to pull her up out of the water toward him.

but i don't think you had much to lose, that house was never built for you

SUNJATA

Hotaru

If it weren’t for the chill and the fact this has somehow become a challenge she knows she can’t win, the droplets overhead would be harmless. Still, they mark a loss in this spur of the moment game, and Hotaru is a poor loser. It’s all the sweeter when his taunt is seconds before she throws them backwards into the water, closing her eyes tight and holding her breath for the brief few seconds that they’re both submerged.

He loses his grip entirely and she does the same, laughing and lifting her hands to rub water from her eyes again so that she can blink away the haze to look at him. Sunjata’s whine is like blood in the water, and she grins shamelessly, sitting up slightly in the water. Intent on taking up the chance to tease and mock him that he presents. Except the blood is feigned, and she falls for it another time, trying to jerk her hands away belatedly as she realizes what he’s trying to do. She gets maybe a few inches before his grip stops her, and she gawks at him for a moment. “You sneak!” she accuses, trying to wrestle her arms back away from him. But admittedly her legs are far stronger than her arms, and sitting on the silt in the water she has no leverage to utilize them. So instead she blows a stream of air out her lips, intensifying it with her newly found magic to try and make the water already clinging to him even colder as the wind passes over it.

Now you can quit, you can cave in
but just know you're not beyond saving

i heard you say that you've lost, you've lost, you've lost, you've lost your way

They both lose their grip, connected in their closeness and how they’d fallen into the water, but Sunjata’s quick to figure out what to do next – hands rising and skating along her skin until he can wrap her wrists in a small little hold, tugging her closer as she tries to jerk her hands out of his grip. His hands only tighten, the amusement palpable in the air between them, even without the attuned bond to do such a thing. He snorts, another quiet rumbling laugh as she accuses him.

His lips part, about to say something when she blows a stream of air out of her lips and aims it at him, Sunjata smirking through it – trying to figure out what she’s doing. She wouldn’t shock him, surely. But it’s a surprise when the water along his face and lips and eyelashes suddenly grows quite colder and goosebumps rise on his skin, hands loosening around her wrists as he eyes her and surges toward her, the hand rising to press against her lips to keep her from blowing that cold air at him.

“Alright, alright. You know how much I hate the cold. That's a low blow.” He murmurs through a rumbling laugh, nose wrinkling as he tries to get a bit of the water off of his mustache.

but i don't think you had much to lose, that house was never built for you

SUNJATA

Hotaru

It quickly becomes a very one-sided game of tug-of-war, and she throws her shoulders down in exaggerated defeat when it’s clear that even newly ascended to godhood that she has no chance of breaking his hold. It does nothing to quell her smile, which fights for purchase on her lips despite how she fights it. His laughter is infectious, rendering her attempt at feigning irritation meaningless. It’s just so good to hear again.

Seeing his cocksure smirk dissolve to shock is nearly enough to split her lips into a grin which would effectively ruin her ability to manipulate the air. Sunjata drops her hands, but it’s quickly followed by one of his own over mouth, muffling her ensuing laughter. Lifting one of her now freed hands she presses down on his wrist to free her grinning mouth. “So you concede defeat?” Ru angles her voice higher into something haughty and superior, the teasing edge to it plain as day.

Now you can quit, you can cave in
but just know you're not beyond saving

i heard you say that you've lost, you've lost, you've lost, you've lost your way

She’s brighter than he’s seen her in some time and perhaps that’s part of the reason this has become such a back and forth game – one that almost feels like what could have been.  One that almost feels like what should have been. And perhaps Sunjata’s just stuck in that strange space of wanting to pretend and giving absolutely no fucks, because who else would know?

Her hand guides his away from her lips but he’s still in her space, close enough to share breaths, and with a huff and a small tinge of pain he sinks forward into her, pressing his forehead against hers with a huff of another quiet laugh. “I concede.” He rumbles, hands dropping from her lips and wrists to find their way to her shoulder, to her side, his lids closing as he tries to catch his breath – water dripping from his long lashes.

“What’s my punishment?” He teases her back, the edge sharp in his tone.

but i don't think you had much to lose, that house was never built for you

SUNJATA

Hotaru

It’s true. It’s so much easier here, just the two of them. Not even companions to keep them from gravitating into each other’s space like lost stars. Even as she begins to catch her breath, the water around them slowly stilling to only errant ripples as they shift, Hotaru can’t take her eyes off Sunjata. Every triple beat of her heart pounds out rhythmic words that she shuts her ears against. Until even those become lost in a distant buzz of sound as he leans closer, pressing their foreheads together gently.

The path his hand finds from lips to waist is a scorching echo, and she can’t tell if it’s in her head or if there really is something to the way she burns each time he touches her. Fire has ended so much of them. Are the stars not cosmic fires in their own right too? But this fire still lures her in, a facade of warmth she wants to believe in. Maybe she should have had more sympathy for moths, if this is how they feel about such light.

His question feels like a gauntlet thrown. A dare. A challenge. Ru presses infinitesimally closer, tips of their noses now brushing as well. Despite the hammering of her heart she still finds a smile stuck on her lips. “I can think of a few fitting punishments if I’m allowed my pick,” she begins imperiously. “Chauffeuring me around wherever I desire, foot rubs on demand, a general praising of my being to all those around…” she trails off intentionally, grinning, awaiting his interruption over her choosing more than one and thinking up something wilder to try and shock him with.

Now you can quit, you can cave in
but just know you're not beyond saving

i heard you say that you've lost, you've lost, you've lost, you've lost your way

There’s only a bit of the fading high of their battle that courses between them, that lures him in closer, that has him drifting toward her again and again despite knowing what happened before, despite knowing what kind of destruction she’d wrought upon his life. And yet, danger was something Sunjata couldn’t avoid – the constant drive of self sacrifice, the constant need to be the one to fall on top of the live grenade.

Perhaps she is his grenade right now – he doesn’t have the benefit of claiming he’s drunk to make the decisions he has coursing through his mind. After all, she hasn’t pulled away and instead she’s grown closer, and Sunjata’s goosebumps remain even as the water heats up around him again, the flush coursing up and down his neck and chest. He offers his teasing taunt in response to her own, unable to keep himself from pressing his forehead against hers, against closing his eyes and pretending.

Her voice is like a song on the wind, despite the terrible things it makes for his punishment. And in reality? He knows the worst one. He’s choosing the worst one.

He just doesn’t know whether he should say it audibly or not. He doesn’t know if he should tell her it’s a punishment for him as much as it is for her. And for the first time he keeps his thoughts to himself, his fingers twitching at her sides as he decides and shivers as he pauses to cut her off when she trails off.

There’s a hint of a whine that leaves him, just barely there but one she’d likely hear with how close they are, as if he’s fighting with himself away from it and in the end succumbing regardless. He sinks in toward her, cutting her off as he presses his lips to hers, as he tears open that wound once again to let it bleed.

What better punishment than this?

but i don't think you had much to lose, that house was never built for you

SUNJATA

Hotaru

She has no insight to his mind anymore, even if she were capable of tapping into the Attuned bond in her current form. All she knows is her own mind. Utterly alone and free of all influence and expectation from others. But see, for Ru…

This is already a double sided blade. Except she has had the time to teach herself to ignore to sting as the blade slides between her ribs. Has spent each day knowing she was the one that worsened things between them, taking blame she both does and doesn’t deserve to shoulder. It’s easier for her to wrap herself in the cotton of this easy, happy encounter, to shield herself temporarily from the hurt that lies beyond.

Because of it she is more focused on dreaming up a properly terrible punishment than his own inner battle. The twitch of his fingers against her side give her the briefest pause, and in that stolen moment she hears the pained whine that slips past his lips - right before they meet her own.

Hotaru freezes for a moment. Half a heartbeat. A sliver of a breath. Whatever goes on inside her head can’t stand up to instinct though, and she melts into him helplessly, kissing him back tenderly but firmly. Wet hand lifting and hovering uncertainly as a quiet voice cries in the back of her mind, only to gently place itself over his heart as Hotaru leans into him fully. Silencing that little voice for a few more seconds. Just a few more. Gods, just let her live untouched in this moment, unspool the thread of time and leave her unraveled and discarded as the world moves on without her if it means she can live in the suspended cradle of his love.

Now you can quit, you can cave in
but just know you're not beyond saving

i heard you say that you've lost, you've lost, you've lost, you've lost your way

It’s double edged because he knows he shouldn’t fall back into her orbit, that the pain they cause one another is yet another swirling beast of its own. It always comes up, it always splits them apart, it always proves to end in disaster. And yet, here he is, throwing it all to hell and sinking into her, pushing it away for later, because maybe right now in the shallows of the Boondocks he can pretend just a bit longer that she’s always fit into this strange puzzle piece of his life.

He can pretend that the fires didn’t happen. He can pretend that he hadn’t betrayed her time and time again. He can pretend that she hadn’t sunk the blade he’d gifted her into his own leg. He can pretend that things are okay.

He can pretend that she’s simply helping him catch something for dinner, to come home to Nate and the children and nestling up among his family with her there. It’s an illusion, of course, one that fades the second she freezes and he does too – ready to pull away the second she pushes him away. Her hands are at his chest and he’s ready for it, breath caught in his throat, and a second later? She’s sinking into him again and it’s so tender it hurts.

His arms tighten around her, nestling in around her middle, the small of her back, tucking her in against him as he presses back into the kiss, drowning himself mentally and a little bit physically, before he has to break the kiss to catch his breath, wheezing slightly from his ribs as they bark yet again in pain as he pants those shallow breaths to try and catch his breath again.

All the while, keeping her close.

but i don't think you had much to lose, that house was never built for you

SUNJATA

Hotaru

He may have been the one to initiate the kiss, but they’re both on pins and needles. Trying to read each other through touch alone, all the lines they’d drawn in the sand blown to hell and leaving something that looks untouched but couldn’t be further from a blank slate. She shouldn’t do it. Shouldn’t sink into him the way she does, letting him draw her closer by her waist until they are pressed together, sharing warmth to chase away the chill of the lingering water clinging to them. But she does.

Even knowing she should object - that she needs to, for him if not herself - it’s like trying to peer through frosted glass. Only able to make out the vague outline of what lies beyond.

Instead she dizzily let’s him kiss her, somehow managing to remain tender instead of gripping him desperately. Making every moment worth its weight in gold. Taking the chance he has given her to tell him all she can’t say aloud. Not anymore.

When he pulls away Ru is dazed, catching her own breath that she doesn’t remember running out of. Her fingers curl against his chest. “I…” but there’s nothing there. She thought maybe if she just said something the right words would come, the objections, the logic that she would use to protect him from himself. From her. But there’s nothing. Or, if there is, it refuses to be shaped into words. All the reasons he shouldn’t do this, no matter what she wants.

Now you can quit, you can cave in
but just know you're not beyond saving

i heard you say that you've lost, you've lost, you've lost, you've lost your way

Its painful in a way that’s almost enticing, a way that hurts but burns and vibrates against his chest. It likely doesn’t help the way she sinks into him, melts in against him and the warmth of his injured body only adds to the fire that spans between them, that’s very rarely ever faltered before, one that could be stoked with a quick word and in some cases, even a look. So he keeps her close, arms slipping around her back and tucking her in against him as he kneels in the shallows, sinking back onto his heels, breaking the kiss in order to push through his aching chest for breath that feels so close and yet so far away.

It’s messy, but he’s just as dazed as she is, pressing his face and cheek against hers as he fights to recover just enough breath that he can do it again, when her voice reaches him and trails off – both of them not knowing what to say, not with words at least. So the Flood takes as deep of a breath as he can, before he noses his way back toward her face, searching through the blur this closeness makes her. “Let’s just pretend.” He breathes instead, one hand sliding up against her side again to her jaw, threading his fingers into the wet blonde hair behind her ear, his thumb pressing up against the hollow of her jaw to tilt her head up.

And he sinks into her lips again, this time with a bit more intensity, a bit more fire behind it, a bit more need to just pretend a little while longer.

but i don't think you had much to lose, that house was never built for you

SUNJATA

Hotaru

Those embers have never fully gone out, even when they left Hotaru choking on smoke, feeling the fire in her lungs instead. Even now it's so easy - one touch, one kiss, and months fall away until this could be any kiss they've ever had. The shape of his lips as familiar as a well-worn book, traced again and again. Sunjata leans back further on his heels and she puts up no resistance as she's pulled further against him, emerging further from the water as she straightens on her knees to chase after him.

His stubble is coarse against her own, and it's been so long since she's felt it that it makes her eyes burn. Such a small, silly thing, and yet it snaps the few meager seams still holding her together. Leaving her flayed open and bare. Defenseless enough that when he whispers in the space between their shared breaths, any objections she'd been trying to formulate wither and die on her tongue. Selfish, selfish, selfish, hisses the voice in her head as her exhale turns into a wounded noise, something both hurt and pleading. Please.

She tilts her face to his as his hand directs her to, and lets the fire burn through her as their mouths meet for the second time. Can it be called the second time when they've done this so many times before? Her hands finally rise, one curling around his nape and sinking into the fine hair at the base of his neck, thumb pressing against his pulse. The other covering his where it cradles her face. Meeting his intensity measure for measure, gently working his mouth open with her own with slow kisses that never truly part. Just pretend, she tells herself, ignoring the sting of her eyes as she lets herself go. It's just water from her hair on her cheek.

Now you can quit, you can cave in
but just know you're not beyond saving

i heard you say that you've lost, you've lost, you've lost, you've lost your way

Its incredibly selfish. And yet Sunjata chooses it once more, always a predictable man in that regard. He can’t help himself and it’s something that has his fingers trembling a fraction despite how he tries to contain it. She gives back into him and it’s both relieving and terrifying. By doing this, is it placating all the things they’ve done to one another? Or is it simply a means to an end, to keep the nightmares at bay a little while longer?

She chases after him and he roughly asks her to pretend, and the last thing he knows every shred of thought is abandoned in the wind that brushes along his wet curls, pasted to the side of his face as he surges in and kisses her again. The sound that leaves her sounds wounded, sounds painful, and it fills the very same wound in his chest with the same feeling. But he can’t stop now, he doesn’t want to stop now.

Especially not as she runs her hands up through his hair, trailing them through the shorter, soft hair along his neck, and in its place a warmer, darker flush occurs, spreading out under her hands and repelling a bit of the water as he nuzzles into her, letting her work his mouth open until he can taste her and the fire is stoked all that much more.

He becomes greedier, the hand that’s covered by her own grows more possessive, Sunjata inhaling short breaths through his nose, trying to devour himself for the moment. He manages it, taking part of his focus to readjust how he’s sitting, if only so he doesn’t put his legs to sleep, but he tugs her along with him until she’s sitting on his lap, still connected at their lips, pretending.

but i don't think you had much to lose, that house was never built for you

SUNJATA