always more to learn

the things we hold are always the first to go

Every word from Remi's lips is the truth, and it's with a pained frown that Ronin gently runs his fingers through the other man's curls, holding him close as if that will somehow help to brace them against the poor show they've made at parenthood. (And friendship, and every other kind of relationship beyond their own, it seems). "He really said that?" he whispers through a throat that's rapidly growing too tight to speak, the Huntsman letting out a shuddering sigh and shaking his head.

"I didn't even have the sense to think about Ever and Mateo when Finn mentioned he was leaving," he whispers with no small amount of shame. "Fuck. Fuck." Remi collapses bonelessly against him and Ronin relishes the weight of his body, absently smoothing his fingers against the back of the Lullaby's neck. I think we were good parents, back when it was just the Hollowed Grounds and the barrier and the guildhall, he admits, one of his shoulders lifting to wipe at his cheeks.

I'm so ashamed of us. I just... Remi, we have to change this. It can't be too late. I don't want Mateo to look back and only remember this.

the lullaby

You are colors in the sky after forty rains

Tensing the muscles of his stomach as if that might somehow prevent his grief from forming into bile already threatening to slosh up the back of his throat, Remi can only nod stiffly. "I do not want him to age up..but I do not know how to give him the freedom he wants. Unless..." Shuffling slightly so that he could peer into his husband's eyes, Remi narrows his own for a moment as he studies Ronin's face.

"You had mentioned a new skyport in Halo? If...if the two of us could expedite it somehow...at least then Mateo could travel to see his friend without feeling like one of us always needed to be around to chaperone him." Remi suggests. "I know that it also means that Mateo would be on his own more, but...I think there is a difference between him making his own way in the world, and the strange routine of nothingness he is stuck in now."

Storm or drought, Surrounded by fire or flood
With You I'm never without

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

the things we hold are always the first to go

Meeting Remi's gaze, the unless receives a raised eyebrow, at least until the other man explains his idea. Ronin lets out a breath he doesn't realise he's been holding, nodding a little and slouching back into the chair, as if the effort of holding his head up has suddenly become too much. "Yeah, I could... I mean... I know we need to come up with a new sort of ship, one that can scale the mountains and tolerate Halo's conditions. I don't know if that's something that can be done without a god's help, though..."

Closing his eyes, his fingers gently twist through Remi's hair. "We could make a start on the port side of things, though, in the Citadel," he says. "You're right, though. About the nothing routine, about it being easier for us and not him, and I... I think we should support him in doing what he wants to do. If that's not in the Collegium any more, then that's fine. If it's not in Stormbreak any more, we'll make it work."

the lullaby

You are colors in the sky after forty rains

The god's help. Remi too closes his eyes at that. It is one of his least favourite things to hear, but of course that doesn't make Ronin's point any less valid. "Right." The alchemist agrees hollowly, wanting nothing more than to curl up in his husband's arms. The thought of doing so however fills Remi's guts with icewater rather than calming him. How many times had Mateo wished for nothing more than being able to slump into his parent's arms, only to go home to an empty house and an empty bed?

"I hate us right now, for what we have done." Remi whispers as his lips waver between a snarl and a frown. 'There is no excuse.' He adds, as if reaffirming their failures somehow was the first step in making it better. "Who do you think would be more helpful? Safrin might be jealous of Mateo, but Ludo might be tricksy about the whole thing." Reaching a touch desperately for one of Ronin's hands, Remi clasps it possessively in his own.

Storm or drought, Surrounded by fire or flood
With You I'm never without

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

the things we hold are always the first to go

"So do I," Ronin whispers in a rough voice, frowning and keeping his eyes shut as if to block out the rest of the Undercroft so he can stay focused on this and on now, regardless of how painful it is for the two of them. It should be painful. Maybe that way they won't ever forget it again. "I just want to go and get him right now," he admits, even though Mateo is likely riding a high currently at the prospect of visiting Everest.

"Honestly...? I think Frey's nature aspect would be the best choice," he murmurs, even though it won't make Safrin happy and he knows it. "Perhaps we could go with Mateo to a shrine and he can be there as well - though I get the impression that we've already soured his opinion of all the gods. But that doesn't change that Frey is most attuned to the elements, and those are what we'll be up against on those ships."

His eyes open at last to clutch Remi's hand right back, Ronin swallowing hard as he gazes at his husband. "I think he should be with us, however and wherever we are. For as long as he needs it."

the lullaby

You are colors in the sky after forty rains

The prospect of visiting Frey, even the nature aspect, had Remi instantly tensing. Feathers flit down his arms as his eyebrows furrowed deeply. "Mmmmmmmmmmm." He grumbles, and though there's reasons to think that both Safrin and Ludo would be unhappy with this choice, Ronin knows them just as well as Remi.

Squeezing the Huntsman's hand again and not letting go, Remi presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek, trying and failing to convince himself that sulking was helping no one. 'Okay..' He murmurs at least. "Okay, okay." Letting his eyes drop from where they'd wandered towards the ceiling, Remi gives a decisive nod. Or..at least as decisive as he's currently able.

"We can all go to Halo. Maybe Noah or..." He swallows. "..Finn has some thoughts. Then we can go to a shrine and whatever it takes we will make it our priority."

Storm or drought, Surrounded by fire or flood
With You I'm never without

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

the things we hold are always the first to go

"I know. I'm sorry," Ronin says softly, letting his thumb brush across the back of Remi's knuckles. "If Frey doesn't want to speak to us, we'll try for Ludo. Ludo helped to bring Mateo to us, so trickery or not, it ought to be interested in holding up a bargain to make a ship fly," he reasons with a roll of his eyes.

With okays settled and decided, Ronin inhales and lets it out again, before starting to shift and sit up, though he has no intention of moving Remi out of his lap. "Agreed," he says, reaching with his free hand into his pocket to draw out his own compass. "You head to Halo first with Mateo. Then bring my compass back here to me, and we'll both go to join him?" he suggests. Two compasses and three people means a certain amount of relay will have to take place.

"Remi," he adds quickly, before they go any further and rush into action, leaning in for a chaste kiss that somehow still seems desperately sad. "We really messed up, but we're going to fix this. And I'm glad we caught it before it was all too late."

the lullaby

You are colors in the sky after forty rains

Flaring his nostrils a touch at that and wondering if he needed to pry his hand away from Ronin's lest his real thoughts on Ludo's bargain slip through, instead Remi just pulls in a long breath through his nose, exhaling silently.

Glancing down at the compass, Remi smiles enough to dimple one cheek. "And here I was just going to accept the travel-sickness." Taking the compass with a pulse of appreciation, the alchemist finds it too hard to hold his smile in place and lets it fall away. 'I hope it is not too late.' The alchemist murmurs a touch dreadfully against Ronin's lips, before leaning forward for another kiss which is just as sad, but perhaps less chaste.

"I have everything I need for my hourglass from Ludo, except just one thing. At least we will at least now be able to answer questions of, How long will you be dead for, if they are ever asked." Remi adds with a sigh, as he conjures a vial between them. "Would you?"

Storm or drought, Surrounded by fire or flood
With You I'm never without

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

the things we hold are always the first to go

"Not on my watch," Ronin murmurs of the travel sickness with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "We have too much to do for you to be woozy."

He hopes - gods does he hope - that they aren't too late as well, melting into the second kiss that Remi presses to his lips and both wanting to draw it out and knowing better than to waste time. "Mm?" His brow furrows at the sight of the vial, before realisation dawns in Ronin's face.

"Of course. We should put that hourglass somewhere that the rest of the family will be able to find it. Mateo, the twins, maybe even Vai. Just in case we both get taken out?" It's something that would never have occurred to him until the conversation they've just had, and it's yet another needle of guilt in his gut.

His free hand partially shifts into a dragon's talons, Ronin learning from Remi's previous remarks on the subject and opening a small cut on the flesh of his husband's bicep. Collecting the ruby fluid into the vial, he offers it back out to the Lullaby with a half-smile. "Done."

the lullaby

You are colors in the sky after forty rains

Those words, in case we both get taken out, has Remi's stomach growing cold as his cheeks grow hot. There is an instant argument on his tongue that he only just manages to keep caged. "That...is a good idea. Maybe in Vai's cottage?" He suggests sounding a good deal more brutish and stiff than he means, but not having the energy to soften.

Pleased that he wouldn't have to wrap up his palm, it's with an audible sigh that Remi endures—and actually enjoys—the small cut Ronin makes. It helps distract his thoughts and also provides something concrete for him to focus on. "Mateo, back here to you. Then you can speak with Noah and I can speak with Finn, and...and then we can find Frey." All the while hopefully Mateo would be having the time of his life in Halo.

"We are going to have to get him warmer clothes." Remi says suddenly, frowning as he flipped through his mental inventory of Mateo's eclectic and entirely practical wardrobe.

Storm or drought, Surrounded by fire or flood
With You I'm never without

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

the things we hold are always the first to go

"That's a good idea. She'll be able to keep it safe, and hopefully no one will ever need to ask to use it," Ronin agrees with a soft nod, offering a smile even in the face of his husband's gruffness. He understands it and he hates it and even though they have a plan now, this isn't the sort of thing that they can just to-do list away. The deep gouges they've uncovered in their relationships are still in a dire state, and time and effort will be needed to start to heal them.

Carefully pressing the sleeve of his shirt against the cut on Remi's bicep to stem the flow, he nods confirmation of their plan. "I think there is a boutique in the Silk Houses that will have started to sell Deepfrost clothes. It might be worth a visit before you both go," he suggests.

Speaking of going, though, it's high time they set off. Ronin gets them both on their feet with an ease that would be frightening if they weren't who they were, sneaking a final kiss from Remi's lips before releasing him at last. "I'll see you soon," he says, before heading out of the Undercroft to get himself ready for the trip.

~FIN