They were kind, both of them. Gentle souls with warm hearts, who genuinely cared about others. Maea had known Jigano for a short while and Sam for less than an hour, but that much she could tell. Perhaps it would have been better if they weren't. Without their kindness and concern she might have been able to keep pretending that she was alright, that everything was fine and life carried on as usual.
Maea did not want the focus to be on her and her problems. She had never enjoyed attention, the way peoples eyes were drawn towards her and just as quickly moved away, as if she did not know how curious they were about her pale skin and white hair and could not feel the lingering gazes on her back as soon as they thought she couldn't see. Over the years she had learned to ignore the reactions in return, pretending to be unfazed by the polite un-staring and the discreet not-questions, and the mask she had donned was a rather good one. Heart encased in ice, growing a little thicker every year as she convinced herself that no one cared about her, not really. No one except her kin and blood. Now she had raised the wall again, to shelter herself from pain and loss and having to face a life without the only ones she had ever been truly comfortable with.
Only, this time it was not the thick glacier against the rippled surface of a pond, but rather the thin sheet of ice left behind by a cold night, stretched to somehow hold back a torrent of muddy water. Sam's unknowing question and Jigano's gentle prodding made her defenses crumble into nothing, and despite her attempt at answering the question with calm casualness, there was something fragile in the girls voice as she spoke, eyes turning blank with tears she worked so hard not to shed. She hated it, hated drawing attention to herself like this and put a damper on the mood. Did not want to, shouldn't, and yet...
And yet.
"Not... as fast as I'd hoped. There is much to do, but as I now have to run the farm on my o-own... I don't know that there will be much time for the f-festival this y-year..!"
Maea's voice broke and the turned away, a muscle working åt the temple as she clapped her jaws shut. Self control a heartbeat away from slipping.
Maea did not want the focus to be on her and her problems. She had never enjoyed attention, the way peoples eyes were drawn towards her and just as quickly moved away, as if she did not know how curious they were about her pale skin and white hair and could not feel the lingering gazes on her back as soon as they thought she couldn't see. Over the years she had learned to ignore the reactions in return, pretending to be unfazed by the polite un-staring and the discreet not-questions, and the mask she had donned was a rather good one. Heart encased in ice, growing a little thicker every year as she convinced herself that no one cared about her, not really. No one except her kin and blood. Now she had raised the wall again, to shelter herself from pain and loss and having to face a life without the only ones she had ever been truly comfortable with.
Only, this time it was not the thick glacier against the rippled surface of a pond, but rather the thin sheet of ice left behind by a cold night, stretched to somehow hold back a torrent of muddy water. Sam's unknowing question and Jigano's gentle prodding made her defenses crumble into nothing, and despite her attempt at answering the question with calm casualness, there was something fragile in the girls voice as she spoke, eyes turning blank with tears she worked so hard not to shed. She hated it, hated drawing attention to herself like this and put a damper on the mood. Did not want to, shouldn't, and yet...
And yet.
"Not... as fast as I'd hoped. There is much to do, but as I now have to run the farm on my o-own... I don't know that there will be much time for the f-festival this y-year..!"
Maea's voice broke and the turned away, a muscle working åt the temple as she clapped her jaws shut. Self control a heartbeat away from slipping.
