tell me, can you let it go?

MAEA

The cougar paused, in the midst of cleaning a paw. A perfect render of feline grace turned statuesque in contemplation, before the self-soothing process of grooming resumed. The girl had little cause for such wishes - loneliness and fear ruled her and at her core, all she wished for was peace and quiet, not the inevitable new challenges that came after healing - but the cat had no real concept of 'later'. All it knew was that something hurt, and that the pain must go away.

Clearly the act of biting this woman had not helped, and so it would not try again.

Cocooned within the soothing presence of Hotaru's mind, without being entirely clear on what it was or how it happened, the humanoid part of the soul contemplated this new way of thinking. She had wanted to know what the predators mind was like, and it was perhaps a little disappointing to find it less cunning than she had expected. Yet relieved too, for there was a tendency to exist purely within the moment that appealed to her. No past. No future. Only the damp soil beneath her paws, the soft touch of wind against her fur that set whiskers to twitching. No hunger clawed its belly, so there was no need to hunt. Only stray hairs misaligned, and the restlessness of the tail that had it continuously twitching. Left. Right. Left. Right. But that too was fading, with time, and with the stream of peace that enveloped it.

When she was done, the feline stretched, luxuriating momentarily in the supple strength of herself, before settling in. Coiling the lush tail around her paws as she assessed the woman again. Similar, yet different from this altered perspective. Different, yet the same.

She, too, was different. Yet, in essence, the same. This form explained it to her, better than Hotaru's words ever could. Spots. No spots. Stripes. Feline or woman. Woman or child. Alive or dead. She would always be who she was.

"For being rough. Sorry." A long beat of silence followed as the girl-cat contemplated the best way to explain what happened. It seemed appropriate. "I only knew one set of hands on me. Before, was only fear. Stupid boys ruined the... curiosity. Then came a Flood, and it was all consuming. Freedom, happiness, love - all at once, and all tied to him. Pleasure too. Then... it broke. We were not enough for one another. Without him, I felt empty. I tried to flee from it, and died." What had begun as a simple explanation - oddly clear and precise as most of these feelings were remote and set aside by the cougar's mind - began to tremble at the edges. Turning frail, the more the girl's thoughts returned.

"With the pleasure... came all the memories. As if allowing it would make everything repeat itself." The delirious happiness, the crushing pain, the dying and the return to a hollow world void of meaning. "For panicking... I'm sorry."

It was not Hotaru's fault. That was the important part, the reason for this excessive sharing.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

Hotaru

nothing's fair in love and war

Time is senseless as it passes, marked only by the meditative intentionality of her own feelings so that she might continue projecting them upon Maea to help her come back to herself. The Valkyrie has no further plans for the evening beyond the hunt. This, she can spare time for.

Maea’s thoughts as a predator are like the formless shadows of clouds on the earth, backlit by sun. Lazy things that drift slowly and leave nothing behind. A good thing, given the contrast of the moments prior, the screeching agony that had been the alarms in Maea’s head.

No harm done that I cannot heal from, she assures, and waits the prolonged time that follows for Maea to find human words anew. Listens kindly, keeping her own emotions locked away so as not to burden the other woman with sensing them. Oh, but they are there. They always are, where Sunjata is concerned. Restless and lying in wait. Possessive even now over what had once been hers, even if it was not hers any longer. Though the urge to rise and perhaps comfort Maea in a more physical way twitches in her stomach, Ru squashes it.

It will happen, the first few times. Trust me - I know. In a different way, perhaps, but learning to be touched by others…it is a process. How long had it been before even Sunjata could touch her lovingly, romantically, without Hotaru shying away or turning the tables so that she might force it into something harder? The Valkyrie is a broken thing, but unlike Maea she knows each shattered piece, has traced the rough edges with her bleeding fingers until they ran smooth once more. She knows she is incapable of being loved, not in her entirety, and she has accepted that. Maea will in time. Or perhaps, unlike Ru, she would actually heal.

Looking at the miserable girl, Ru privately thinks that won’t happen.

All you can do is keep exposing yourself to it. Perhaps not lustfully or romantically, but only time and the hands of others can erase the fact that right now, all your memories are only of him. Shifting her shoulders, the Valkyrie smiles bitterly. And he has already taken too much from you. Don’t let this be another. She would sit and speak with her as long as needed - Maea need not be alone while venturing through these emotions of hers.

- FIN