From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
It was a lot to unpack, and somewhere along the way as Hotaru spoke, Maea wondered why it was that she poured her heart out to people like this. Was she really that desperate? Like some lost child tugging at the first skirt she sees, eager to be picked up and held and told everything was going to be alright. Even more incredulous was the fact that so many went along with it and picked apart the things she said, eager to find the bullshit and call her out on it.
Maybe she ought to be annoyed or offended by the way these people kept denying the things she thought of as solid and unshakable truths. But when it came down to it, Maea was just grateful for the chance to escape the tired circles she had trampled herself into, and for the horizons they kept showing her as she was hauled up by the armpits. So far, each one had been cast in a different shade of new.
Even as she thought that, there was that urge to question everything Hotaru said. But the pale-haired girl bit down on the reflexive protests, the 'but's and 'maybe's.
"I didn't mean to turn this into an 'oh woe is me'," she mused, equal parts disgusted and intrigued by the squirming, wriggling things that kept appearing as her thoughts were sliced open. "But since we're on the topic anyway... Let's say that I accept the price for coming back, and I want to move on, and be happy, and all that crap." Just saying it made her all but choke, on a self contempt so strong it staggered her. "What if what I have become is something that terrifies me? What if the things I do and am prepared to do are so far removed from who I always wanted to be that I can't love it?"
Turning her head to the woman and the deer, she made herself watch the Valkyrie. See her bloodied hands and the butchered deer, the red streaks in her hands and the unapologetic way she wielded that knife. Two ways to be. Two ways to see herself. The deer had been innocent and pure and weak, and now it was dead. Kindness and compassion had done nothing to spare it from this fate. The huntress with her teeth and claws was stained and bloodied, and she spoke of freedom and self respect with such conviction - and she would get to fill her belly tonight. But who would ever touch a mountain cat with soft hands, and not fear those rending claws?
"How do I live with that without breaking?"
Lost in a world full of non-believers Searching for smoke in a still water pond
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
The carcass is swiftly deconstructed, until the animal that once had been is scarcely recognizable to the untrained eye. As it is parceled out and wrapped securely, the woman listens, bloody head bowed but ears trained on the wraithlike girl in her peripherals.
She outlasts the questions and philosophies, and then she leans back on her heels nestled beneath her hips and turns to look at Maea, pale eyes strange and piercing. “You don’t.” Wiping her hands - habitual instead of functional at this point - she cleans her knife with painstaking care to prevent the blood from rusting it, and returns it to its holster before she even contemplates elaborating.
Standing, leaving the remains that cannot be utilized or otherwise packed out, the Valkyrie turns to Maea fully. “You can’t go through such intense ideological changes without breaking. That’s ridiculous. It’s like attempting to shove a wood peg in a square hole - the edges will be chiseled and shaved away, even if with enough force you can claim it fits.” Hefting her bag over one shoulder, now freshly filled with meat, Hotaru cocks her head at Maea. “So you break. Who cares? Would you prefer to bend, break, and be remade? Or would you prefer to be dead? Those are your options. The rest,” she waves her hand in some vague approximation in the air, “is just snow. Details that don’t make up the bigger whole.” And that is the realization that has kept Hotaru alive for so very long despite all she has suffered and lost. “Compared to death and all its permanency, what is a little agony?”
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
Patience had never been a virtue she posessed in great quantity yet over the years she had learned to make a good show of it. Standing utterly still Maea waited for Hotaru to finish up, bracing for whatever answer the woman might find.
When it came, in the wake of bloodshed and meticulous disassembly, it was harsh. Such a merciless mindset and way to view the world that she felt even more like that child she had imagined, who wailed and cried and couldn't imagine a continued existence if it was not free from pain. Dangerous advice, in a way, because her ties to life had always been tenuous at best, and death had been the closest thing to a friend she had for so many years that she'd lost all fear of it.
Oblivion was a sweet song, a peaceful promise; not a thing to fight or run from.
But she had made promises. Even as Maea closed her eyes and breathed through the despair that washed over her, she knew she would try to keep them. Death was not an option, and that left only the pain. The breaking. The change.
"I see. Thank you for answering." Maea opened her eyes again and met Hotaru's gaze. There was no more conviction or resolve in her now than a moment ago, but something had shifted in her none the less. Enough that she regarded the remains of the deer and accepted its demise for what it was.
"Would it be very bold of me, if I asked you to show me what it's like, to be a predator?" The golden woman seemed about ready to leave with her prize, but Maea couldn't quite let go yet. She wished she had watched before, that she knew what kind of talons that hid beneath the Vakyrie's lovely exterior - not that it mattered. "It seems... I have a need to change my mindset."
A slight smile offered every chance to decline. It was forward of her, if nothing else... considering how long it had been since they last met.
Lost in a world full of non-believers Searching for smoke in a still water pond
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Hotaru watches her face shamelessly, the closed eyes and breaths that no longer needed to be taken expanding Maea’s pale chest. Curious as to her reception of the words, but in the way one might be curious of a peculiar bug. Her answer wouldn’t change regardless. Only Maea could shape her own acceptance of the idea now. “You’re welcome.” Nothing more, nothing less. Any old fool could give their opinion after all, and is that not what she is these days?
Pale brows rise slowly in surprise at the rather unexpected question. “The level of boldness depends, I think, on how you expect me to show you. What did you have in mind?” The implications were all there, but until Maea asked outright, Hotaru would withhold her judgment of just how bold it really was. And how accommodating she was willing to be.
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
Any old fool could, but that was not how Maea saw this woman. What-if's and could have been's aside, strangers though they may be, the pull was still there. The curiosity, and above all the admiration she felt kept her rooted.
At least until Hotaru asked for a clarification. Then the girl shifted finally, displacing her weight in what could only be described as an awkward shuffle. She cleared her throat, and a touch of silver darkened her cheeks.
"I... was wondering if you might be willing to... let me borrow a shift." Too sharp teeth worried at a bottom lip, and though it clearly wasn't easy for her, Maea still met her gaze. "I could help you bring your hunt back, in return. Or... anything else, really."
Gods, how did her people do this? Was it as awkward and strange for all of them?
Lost in a world full of non-believers Searching for smoke in a still water pond
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Awkwardness is blood in the water; her answering smirk is slow to unravel, amused and lightly endeared by the discomfort the woman shows. It isn’t a surprise. Maea radiates chastity like a miniature sun. What’s more surprising is how the hell she and Sunjata ever had a relationship given exactly that. But, well, Ru has slept with most of Sunjata’s exes by now (if mostly by accident, as the two of them have woefully shared taste). What’s one more? Especially if it’s just a tiny bite.
Her laugh is soft and melodic, but not mocking. There’s no shame to be had here. Instead she steps closer, smirk tempering into a smile as she boldly reaches to gently thumb the captured lip from beneath Maea’s fangs. “That’s the sweetest, most round-about way anyone has ever asked to bite me or sleep with me. But I accept.” And instead of letting her hand fall fully, she turns her forearm to offer her wrist. Best keep it chaste in terms of area, lest Maea combust.
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
The shift in Hotaru was palpable, and as the woman turned from something distant and sharp to simmering, Maea had to wonder whether she just made a very grave mistake. The look in those beautiful eyes would have taken her breath away entirely if she had one to lose, and she regretted immensely that there was no zing to course through her when the Valkyrie approached.
It should have, with the way she was touched. It had, once, when crippling shyness proved to bely a smoldering passion that took some effort to quench once stoked. But... Maea was all mist and moonlight these days. Cool to the touch, and cold in all but thought even as a slender wrist was offered to her.
A pale hand rose to rest lightly at the curve of Hotaru's waist, tentative and questioning; there were levels to how intimate this might become, and Maea had as little experience in biting as she had with... anything else. Her other hand rose up to cradle the offered arm. Steady it, in a grip that was far stronger than the willowy girl locked capable of.
They were of the same height. How strange, that the biggest thrill was how she didn't have to look up to meet Hotaru's gaze.
"Tell me when to stop," Maea offered softly, placing control of this entirely in the woman's hands. Then, despite the deep silvery flush to her cheeks, she lowered her lips to silken skin, a mere sigh of hesitation passing before letting her fangs slide home.
It had never been so tempting to savor the rush of pleasure that rose up to greet her.
Lost in a world full of non-believers Searching for smoke in a still water pond
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Maea may not have a need for breath anymore, but her humanity is far from extinguished, and habit more than anything defines the reactions that Hotaru drinks in so readily. The widening of her violet eyes, the twitch to her lips. The hue of her blush may have changed, and the quickening of a pulse in her throat or clavicle erased, but her fluster is not impossible to spot.
The touch to her waist is unexpectedly bold given the woman’s demeanor, but sometimes the seemingly shy ones have the most fun behind closed doors. Ru leans into it welcomingly, encouraging firmer pressure to mimic the one on her forearm. The offer is sweet, and though she doesn’t respond the quirk of her lips and lowering of her lids assure it’s been heard.
Anticipation doesn’t last long, but the slightly cool brush of Maea’s lips against the sensitive, thin skin of her wrist makes Ru shudder all over. The pierce of the initial bite is a sting she can easily bear, and then it’s forgotten in the wash of sensation that follows. The sound she makes is beyond her control, something breathy and overwhelmed, and Hotaru doesn’t bother to try and dampen it here in this empty marsh where nobody can hear them. Her fingers flex uselessly around nothing, thighs clamping tight together in search of friction she won’t find. And she doesn’t tell Maea to stop. Far from experiencing any negative effects yet, and indulging in the bright wave of ecstasy that lights up her entire body. Her own free hand goes to Maea’s waist in parallel, clutching tight as she sways helplessly closer.
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
It is perhaps the most tragic thing, when what should be only beautiful becomes tainted by fear. When pleasure ceased to be simply that and heralds not joy and release but instead an onslaught of worry.
Maea did feel good. At first. For the brief moment before memories set in of the last time she indulged in another person and let go of all thought. The mind was a funny contraption that needed no logic, that all on its own decided to correlate stray events and create a narrative dyed to the roots in trauma.
A moment was all she got. Then the unease set in. Flashes of memory - other people she'd sunk her teeth into, the singular other who had ever drawn such vibrant pleasure from her body before it became an automatic thing, utterly uncontrollable. The string of events that led from temptation to death into rebirth played out in her mind in disarrayed flashes, ending with Maea standing here, now, burning and ice-cold at the same time. One moment contemplating a desire to hold on and pull the golden woman closer as she reached for some intrinsic part of Hotaru's nature, the gifted abilities on the cusp of divinity -
- only to abruptly pull away. Rough, sloppy and unthinking; there one moment, gone the next and staggering back as she brought her arms up to embrace herself. As if something was splintering inside and she might physically keep herself from falling apart. Maea didn't need to breathe yet there was something desperate about the ragged, shuddering breaths she kept dragging into unwilling lungs.
As if she was drowning.
Lost in a world full of non-believers Searching for smoke in a still water pond
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Hotaru is no stranger to triggers, or the trauma that can surface because of them. Admittedly if she knew this event itself was one to Maea, she would not have been so lackadaisical about it all. Sex, to Hotaru, is an easy thing. Physicality, connection. Without any ties or intentions, for someone like her of course, but ultimately harmless pleasure. So when the easy buzz and hum of her own is interrupted by the sharp static of the disconnect as Maea lurches away, the Valkyrie is understandably disoriented and wrong-footed, trying to blink past the muzzy haze of euphoria to care enough to figure out what's happening.
The wound that's left on her wrist is a bit deeper from the sharp pull away than normal, but the woman doesn't even bother to clasp a hand over it before she's reaching for Maea, blood trickling down the tanned length of her forearm as a crease forms between her brows. "Maea? Darling it's okay," she defaults into a comfort perhaps more maternal than the moment deserves, hands reaching for the pale woman and letting perfectly controlled sparks come to her fingertips. She cannot squeeze or exert pressure that would otherwise distract the girl, but she can do this. "Here, focus on my hands. How many fingers are static?" As she speaks she steps close, letting only her fingertips reach for Maea's bare arms - unwilling to crowd a clearly disturbed woman when she has no basis for what had sparked the reaction.
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
Turmoil reigned in her mind, and Hotaru had become a distant thing, her voice barely registering over the static din of Maea's own thoughts. It was as if everything she had ever said or been told about intimacy came rushing back, layered voice over voice until it was little more than a nonsensical drone.
But she felt the shock as electricity licked her skin. The girl flinched away from the touch, stumbling another few steps away. Unwilling to be touched.
"Sorry," came a hoarse apology, slurred and blood-coated; "sorry, I'm... I'm sorry." What she was apologizing she could barely recall. Though it might be about the red that trickled from the woman's wrist. Or the way she couldn't stand to be comforted. Not right now, not... not like this. It caught even Maea off guard, this violent reaction. She had bitten people before, yet it hadn't been like this. Not even close.
Barely aware of what she was doing, she reached for that slice of Hotaru she had filched away during the brief moment of connection. A slight glow appeared around the young Ascended; then she changed. Hunched, shrank, shifted into the semblance of a mountain lion. Unmistakably Maea even in this form, for the cougar's coat was pale as milk and shimmered like reflected moonlight in the gloom of the swamp. And suddenly the turmoil of her mind was there, like a silent scream through the bond - a quivering terror that had the feline bare its fang and hiss at everything and nothing, bunched up and ready to fight or flee as required.
Lost in a world full of non-believers Searching for smoke in a still water pond
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Ru retracts her hands immediately, certainly no expert on comforting people and unwilling to imitate expertise when all it can do is harm. Emotions are not the heart of the Valkyrie. In her own breast, perhaps, she is an emotional thing. Driven by base desires, easily crippled by emotion, all because she never learned to touch it freely, let it roam or see the skies. Always locked down, always controlled, a facade more than a freedom. It has cost her so much, that control. But looking at Maea now, bloodstained and reeling helplessly in the grip of her own heart, Hotaru is grateful that she cut hers out long ago.
As Maea transforms, Hotaru hangs back. Human, womanly. A hand comes idly to clasp over the marks in her wrist, but only because she can't imagine what that extra sensory cue must do in a predator's body. It would be easy to transform herself in tandem, but that would introduce the Attuned bond, and frankly Hotaru isn't sure Maea can handle that. So instead she sinks gracefully to her knees, the happy lightness of the joints there now something to be regretted, and keeps her own side of the bond firmly mute. "It's okay. It's easier, as an animal. Just breathe, take your time." Words are far from elegant; disjointed, trying for comfort and finding only factual rote responses. Not that she hasn't hidden in her own animal forms before for this exact reason - there is simplicity and calm in the mind of the beast, even when it is your own. And maybe, hopefully, that is exactly what Maea needs.
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
Moments dragged by. Long, torturous minutes in captivity, held hostage by her own thoughts and unaware that the entirety of her mind lay open for scrutiny. More; flayed open and exposed, more or less forced onto anyone who possessed the ability to sense it, because she had no grasp on the concept of withholding it. And it was made obvious now, how desperately she kept reaching out. Straining for connection, opening and opening even as the deep wounds cut into her chest kept bleeding. Even as it hurt. Even as black pits of despair and loneliness yawned open beneath her feet.
Maea was still Maea even in the shape of a lioness. And she remained Ascended even now, so very little of the feline's sharp senses were of use to her. But slowly, gradually, other things came into focus. Worries and concerns that had seemed so overwhelming shrank and turned insignificant. Needs, wants and desires took on a different cast, altering and realigning in importance as the animal seeped into her soul. A semblance of what she could have been, what she had attained for herself for such a fleeting, beautiful moment, that night when Ludo attuned her.
Gradually, the puffed up cheeks of the white lioness settled back over the vicious fangs. Though the tail kept swishing furiously back and forth, it sat up slightly. Blinking eerily ice blue eyes at the woman, until presence once more re-established itself behind the spectacular irises. Sanity returning, in pace with the receding panic.
It was resolved, more or less, when a long sigh whooshed from massive lungs, and the big cat began to groom herself. Instinct, or perhaps something else, pushed a thought from Maea towards the golden woman nearby. A feeling, more than anything, of regret that floated like a leaf on the surface of a deep, rendering sadness.
"I am broken. Dying broke me."
Lost in a world full of non-believers Searching for smoke in a still water pond
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Hotaru is little more than a passive watcher of this particular spiral. Feeling all that Maea is pouring out like a broken fountain, a gushing wound that never slows, but unable to cauterize or clot the stream. Only as she watches the physical changes happen indicating some measure or semblance of control does the Valkyrie reach out. Projecting more than sharing, crafting an intentional haven of calm. Something almost beautiful in its tranquility. Leaning on the crutch of the bond which allows the sharing of emotion in its purest sense, and the strength of emotion human beings were capable of. Letting it reach and wrap around the broken woman in a gauzy shawl of understanding. There were no words necessary. Only a poignant convalescence. A room crafted, created, and shared - opened and aired for Maea to hide in, to focus on instead of her own emotions. Peaceful and accepting. Free of judgment or assumptions.
So that even when the words do come, there is no ripple or shift in the surface of the lake, the steady thrum of emotion that reaches from inside Hotaru's breast to the beast beside her. "Yes, it did." A fact Maea cannot hide from. Needed to stop trying to. Folding her twice-bloodied hands on her lap, Hotaru watches the lioness cleaning herself and breathes slowly. "But broken things still have their purpose. And they can be healed. Forever changed and set into their new shape, perhaps, but whole once more." Pausing, she tilts her head slightly, blood-streaked golden hair tickling over her shoulder. "If you want to be." Ru would never do it herself, but she'd similarly never condemn Maea for choosing the easy way out if that is what she desired.
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
