Maea
Rest against my pillow
like the aging winter sun
like the aging winter sun
Pausing as he spoke up, her gaze came to rest in the back of his shoulders. These wings were different from the ones he had gained when she still knew him well. A stray thought had her wondering if they were as sensitive as the bat ones. Whether a simple touch still was enough to set him aflame. Or whether these membranes were armored in more ways than with simple scales. There was no itch to reach out and try; and in a rare moment of clarity she was grateful for this unfeeling body of hers. Just imagine, how lost she would have been if she could still scent the fragrance of whiskey and smoke and ocean salt she once inhaled like a breath of life.
It was enough that her soul ached, from the question he asked her. "No," Maea sighed. "Everything else I begrudge myself for. That I couldn't be more open and sharing - if I was then none of this might have happened. If I wasnt jealous of Nate, if I never followed you into that argument... if I only stayed and tried to work things out instead of leaving for Halo. If only." She wrapped her arms around herself and smiled bitterly at the shadow of him cast on the grass. How she had been willing to beg, just to sit in his shadow.
"I don't even blame you for not being content with only me. I did, for a while, but over the years I have come to understand and accept that it's just not who you are. And just because I'm not able to share myself so freely... doesn't mean you should have to limit yourself. So. I suppose we were always doomed to split. We're just... too different."
It left only regret, really. Regret and sorrow and an aching void in her chest where a heart once had beat.
"I am glad that I won't have to fight you, though. I couldn't do that. Even now, I still - " She broke off. Bit her tongue. "You still mean something. I am sorry for all I've done that caused you harm, or pain. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted, or give you what you needed. That's all I ever really wanted. To be enough."
For a moment there was silence. A chance for him to respond, should he wish. Maea hoped her lapse would have gone unnoticed; it was pointless to discuss, anyway.
If he said nothing, she would simply leave. Flicker and be gone, just another banshee to wail her grief into the disquiet.
It was enough that her soul ached, from the question he asked her. "No," Maea sighed. "Everything else I begrudge myself for. That I couldn't be more open and sharing - if I was then none of this might have happened. If I wasnt jealous of Nate, if I never followed you into that argument... if I only stayed and tried to work things out instead of leaving for Halo. If only." She wrapped her arms around herself and smiled bitterly at the shadow of him cast on the grass. How she had been willing to beg, just to sit in his shadow.
"I don't even blame you for not being content with only me. I did, for a while, but over the years I have come to understand and accept that it's just not who you are. And just because I'm not able to share myself so freely... doesn't mean you should have to limit yourself. So. I suppose we were always doomed to split. We're just... too different."
It left only regret, really. Regret and sorrow and an aching void in her chest where a heart once had beat.
"I am glad that I won't have to fight you, though. I couldn't do that. Even now, I still - " She broke off. Bit her tongue. "You still mean something. I am sorry for all I've done that caused you harm, or pain. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted, or give you what you needed. That's all I ever really wanted. To be enough."
For a moment there was silence. A chance for him to respond, should he wish. Maea hoped her lapse would have gone unnoticed; it was pointless to discuss, anyway.
If he said nothing, she would simply leave. Flicker and be gone, just another banshee to wail her grief into the disquiet.
Only wake each morning to
remember that you're gone
remember that you're gone
