EVIE
I want your midnights
He’s far too good at pointing out things she doesn’t consider strengths, and while the unspoken, unintentional compliments warm her from within, they also make her puff her cheeks a little, nose wrinkling with playful objection as they share a moment at the stove. “I don’t get to use my teacher voice nearly as often as you must, but it is pretty good,” she concedes playfully, expression warm before she must turn away, lamenting the lack of space beside him where she desires to linger. In time, she tells herself. When the meal is ready and they can sit down together to enjoy it. Beneficial indeed, and Evie is eager to see its construction. “You can always call on me if extra hands are needed. I’m happy to close the shop for a day or two.” It had only just opened, and was nothing as grand as the palace infirmary had been, but because of the closure of said infirmary it was already becoming rather popular. Especially as many of the natives remembered Evie’s tenure with Loren as the Grand Healer.
She smiles into the bowl she’s working with, pleased and touched in equal measure. “You haven’t even seen one of my paintings yet,” she points out teasingly, shifting the mood back to something more lighthearted. “Which reminds me, I did finish a small one for you. Remind me to give it to you.” Because speaking of mischief, he will undoubtedly be dismayed to see what she’d created for him, and Evie can’t wait to see his reaction firsthand.
His answer is so much less than she expected, and it breaks her heart. Glad that the gravy is ready, she turns back to the stove - to tend to the potatoes, yes, but also to gently align their shoulders. “I’ve lived in Caido my whole life. A blur of over thirty years of LongNight’s monsters, barren crops, and sick people just getting sicker. And when you all started arriving, and The Voice and the Heralds were released, I had to adjust to a new normal that included a lot more uncertainty - and our lives already had so much of it before.” She lifts a hand to gently lay it on his forearm, hoping to pause him in his preparations for a moment so he might listen. “Us Grounders, we couldn’t put our dreams on hold just because the future was uncertain. Lack of hope kills faster than any wound - generations before us would have died out if they’d never let themselves have families and children and jobs amidst the horrors we lived with.” Some had, she knows. People who’d simply laid down and let death take them because they couldn’t see an end, and couldn’t live with the idea of not. Others had come to terms with that possibility, and continued on regardless. “We prepared for the things we had to face, but we never stopped thinking of what we wanted to see and do after the sun rose again, because it was the only hope we had. Preparing endlessly, even with honorable motivations, isn’t living. And I don’t want that for you.” Blue eyes turn up at him, a small encouraging smile on her lips. Gods, how she wants him to be happy. “If we let The Voice - and the war - take that from us, it’s no better than dying anyway. So we’ll have to plan a lot more adventures, hm?” Winking, she bumps his hip once more with her own, giving him an out with the way she ends it, so he doesn’t have to reply to any of it if he doesn’t want to. In the meantime she takes the potatoes off the stove and drains them, then returns to mash them over the still-warm burner. Determined to remain close this time.
Beginning to salt and mash the potatoes, she responds on her own. “I’d like an official infirmary. Maybe reopen the one in the Palace. And opening the magic school, if the Wardens approve - if not, perhaps small classes out of my shop?” So the dream wouldn’t die with her. Informal perhaps, but not forgotten. “Meet a herald again. Heal the Grounds soil so farmers can plant crops reliably again. Maybe have children someday.” The last part is said in a rush, not wanting him to feel any pressure from a vague, distant dream. Shrugging, she laughs, feeling bright with the swell of hope in her chest. “I don’t know, I just want to finally live as myself. Not hide my magic anymore. Pursue what I want instead of what my parents forced us into for so long. Whatever shape that takes, I’d be happy with that much.”
