Hotaru
I'm made of dead man's money, you can see it in my smile
He has made his decision, and in this too Ru aches, hates him just a little. Even now he won't pick her, won't take her hand and walk alongside her into the end of it all. It hurts because she'll never stop loving him, but loving him isn't - never was - enough. Just another left in his wake. But as a mother, she can't begrudge him his choice either, and so she is stuck stewing in emotions that have no use or outlet.
It's apparent that he, too, has no outlet. At least not for this. Oh, and she knows it well. The guilt, the blame. How they could have done more.
"I could have forced Enzo and Flora into the refuge," she starts, softly. Almost dreamlike. "I could have stayed in Torchline. Convinced them to stay in Halo, if they wouldn't go to the refuge." Her toes dig deeper into the cold sand beneath the waves, up to the bones in the top of her foot, her ankles. "I could have trained Enzo in his magic sooner. More intensely." Hotaru's golden head tilts back and she stares aimlessly into the sky, and she laughs something hollow. "Maybe it wasn't worth it. At least not to us - selfish, awful people who would have let everyone else burn to have saved just those two." And as she stares at the sky the tears start to fall, sliding down her temples even as she laughs, even as her cheeks ache.
It ends as fast as it begins, and his painfully uttered question makes her shake her head. "I don't know. I don't know, Jata. As much shit as we've done, as much hurt as we've caused...it's still not enough to deserve all of this. It's not." No matter what the terrible voices in their heads say.
It's apparent that he, too, has no outlet. At least not for this. Oh, and she knows it well. The guilt, the blame. How they could have done more.
"I could have forced Enzo and Flora into the refuge," she starts, softly. Almost dreamlike. "I could have stayed in Torchline. Convinced them to stay in Halo, if they wouldn't go to the refuge." Her toes dig deeper into the cold sand beneath the waves, up to the bones in the top of her foot, her ankles. "I could have trained Enzo in his magic sooner. More intensely." Hotaru's golden head tilts back and she stares aimlessly into the sky, and she laughs something hollow. "Maybe it wasn't worth it. At least not to us - selfish, awful people who would have let everyone else burn to have saved just those two." And as she stares at the sky the tears start to fall, sliding down her temples even as she laughs, even as her cheeks ache.
It ends as fast as it begins, and his painfully uttered question makes her shake her head. "I don't know. I don't know, Jata. As much shit as we've done, as much hurt as we've caused...it's still not enough to deserve all of this. It's not." No matter what the terrible voices in their heads say.
Watch the fire rise, burning through my paper skin
