{SE} mind my wicked words

Hotaru

They are both confused, and hurt because of it. But while the Valkyrie is hard to win, she is not hard to keep - she does not shy away like a wilting flower from his acidity, and takes every accusation on the chin if it means keeping his eyes, which lend her a clearer path than his complicated words. While his miscommunications and emotions may be a web of exposed nerves, Hotaru is willing to untangle them so long as he gives her the chance. As long as she gives him a chance, silent though her own pain may be.

“I’m sorry if that’s what you took from my words,” she begins quietly, in reference to both her insight into loyalties and the wound to his character. “What I meant, to be as plainly clear as I can, was that individual loyalties were tiered; he has known me longer than Evie, and Evie longer than you - thus, his inclination to defend her against you instead of taking your side. That’s why I said that your professional relationship with him may be all that remains, because Deimos would never let such matters impact his ruling duties as Warden.” But perhaps that had been lost in the rest, too great was the fear she had not intended to instill in his heart. “In no way did I mean to imply that individual loyalties would ever supersede those to a nation or a people.” At least not for people like herself, Deimos, or even Talyson. They love Halo too deeply to ever consider sacrificing her for the love of a single person. “I’m sorry if that implication scared you, but it’s a false one.” Though it’s a strange, backhanded honor that he would trust her word so implicitly.

But if he is willing to fight through the discomfort of misunderstandings and be honest with her, well, Hotaru has conversely never been afraid of being vulnerable with her cherished ones. “I wasn’t trying to accuse you, Tal. I was just so surprised by your conclusion; and…hurt.” Her eyes do slide selfishly away at the admittance, fingers clutching tightly at her parcel in comparison to how he’d dropped his. “Those I’ve loved in the past have been far more of a risk to Halo than Evie; and, using my example, all of them I had known longer than Halo. You would have far more to judge and suspect me of than Deimos if you desired. What I saw as ease of suspicion against him was all the more hurtful and confusing because I am a far more fitting target.” And Ru knows it. She has given everything for Halo, just as Deimos has, but in the end her heart has always been the Achilles Heel she can’t cut free of her own flesh. It’s the same reason why Talyson’s doubt had struck her so deeply, knowing how mirrored her life in Halo has been with her brother.

“I shouldn’t have assumed that what I saw as your conclusion of Deimos’ character would be the same conclusion for myself.” Here her expression turns hunted, uncertain, as it skirts back to Tal’s profile. Hoping that she’s right with this assumption this time, and that he does not see her the way he sees Evie - or that he would, if she were in the Evergreen’s shoes, pursuing the role of Warden once more. “I don’t want my advice to ever hurt you, and I hope you’ll still utilize what you can. I think you have a chance to fix things with Deimos if that is what you truly desire.” Though she has her doubts as to the work necessary to achieve it being completed, he will have to decide if it’s a price worth paying for Deimos’ brotherhood on his own time. The entire point of this endeavor was to provide advice free of opinions, which she had achieved until the very end. “I merely wanted to give you the best chance at that, because I don’t like to see you suffer. And I will bear any confusion and hurt if it means arming you adequately for the task.” A way of saying that he’s stuck with her, until he cuts the cord himself. “I think it is easy for suspicion and worry to be misconstrued as accusations; if we are any example, perhaps that is exactly what occurred with Deimos.” And if he can use this as a guide, maybe he will see that enough stubbornness and care can lead to the truth of the matter, hidden behind all the confusion.

I've set a course for losing you
I've no remorse for what I do

He didn’t know what to expect after the outpouring of his own emotions. Tal could only try to hold himself together as he felt the solid earth between his feet turn to quicksand, with no energy left over to try and guess what Hotaru would do. He didn’t expect her to leave… but then, he hadn’t expected Deimos to do so, either. All he could do was defend himself and wait for the fallout, miserable and hurting and afraid.

She spoke calmly. Quietly. Endlessly, it felt like, but without Deimos’s rancor or Delia’s tears. And in truth he didn’t understand half of what she said. It was too much, too quickly, layered atop the courier’s cracked and bleeding heart. Her advice and her honesty had been and continued to be an avalanche that dragged him under. No sooner did he reach out to grasp one word than a dozen more flowed between his fingers and carried him tumbling along, swept away from whatever response he had been starting to build.

In the end it wasn’t her words that he focused on. Through it all she had continued to watch him. To face him, not turning away. There had been apologies, he was fairly certain. He wasn’t sure in that moment if they’d been for what he wanted, but in the end what mattered was that she cared enough to try. Cared enough to stay.

His step was hesitant, moving back from his retreat. Part of him, proud and stubborn and angry and petty, resisted. He had been alone before. He could survive alone again. He didn’t need anyone but his dogs and his dragon and the open tundra. If being with people led to so much pain he was better off without them.

But he had never laughed so much when it had been just him and the team. They needed him, true, but he never felt as strong as he did when Ru and Sah and Delia needed him (and Deimos… but Deimos had never needed him. Not really). And he never felt so warm and confident of his place in the world as when they wanted him with them.

And however much it hurt, he wanted them, too.

His arms stayed wrapped around his own chest, still afraid of falling apart if he didn’t hold himself together, but he took the second step to close the distance between them, avoiding the cake box only by sheer luck, and bent his head to rest his forehead atop Ru’s, eyes closed and breath puffing warmly over her nose.

”Y’talk too much,” he protested, voice rusty, raspy, and pleading. ”’Always was a shit student, Ru. Never could follow long lectures. Just… just let it be. Tryin’ t’get him back… it’s not worth losin’ you along the way.”

Hotaru

The war he wages is his own, and Hotaru can only watch, silent in the wake of her own outpouring. She despises this vulnerability, the admission that he had crawled beneath her skin and embedded himself there. Once upon a time, even her loved ones would find it hard to witness these moments of fear, no matter how well-concealed. Once upon a time, she wasn't so scorched and ruined as to need someone, anyone, as much as she needs Talyson's continued friendship. While Deimos and Flora are her family, her forever, she has no other friends. No close friends. It's pathetic. It vexes her. Yet she stands there waiting, not succumbing to the childishness of holding her breath through virtue of will alone.

He approaches faster than she would have expected, and as he leans down to press their foreheads together she marvels at the strange reminder of how tall he is compared to her. She moves her bundle to the side to allow him closer and closes her eyes to revel in the rasp of his voice. "I have to be full of words, people like you and Deimos were born with a fatal shortage of them," she huffs, but there's an almost imperceptible tremble of relief to her tone. One hand leaves the bundle at her side to come to gently touch the side of his neck, tendrils of dark hair falling over her bare knuckles. "Does that mean you prefer me over him? That's what I'll take from this." A quiet attempt at humor whispered between them where they stand on the side of the street, the rest of the world forgotten and passing them by.

I've set a course for losing you
I've no remorse for what I do

"'s not a shortage," he protested weakly. "I'm just bad at stringin' 'em together." As their earlier conversation had amply proven. Any time he tried to use too many he got himself in trouble and people misunderstood what he meant, leading to all sorts of frustrating misunderstandings.

He was still tense; his pulse fluttered and raced beneath Hotaru's fingertips when she touched him and his muscles stood like steel cords beneath his skin, but he awkwardly freed one hand from his ribs to hook fingers into her sleeve, the lightest of anchors to keep her close - or to keep himself from drifting away.

The others out and about in errands kept walking, stealing covert glances at the drama playing out on the side of the snowy street but not wanting to be caught up in whatever was playing out between the courier and the masseuse, and Tal had forgotten about them long since. His breath puffed out in the shadow of a ghost of a laugh at Ru's words and his fingers tightened gratefully in cloth at the bridge that she offered back to where they had been before.

"I mean, long as you're crazy enough t'stick around with me, I guess you c'n be my favorite..." Especially since, in light of her words today, he was going to have face some hard re-evaluating of his feelings for Deimos.

From high overhead a pale dragon began to spiral slowly down, concerned but unhurried at the calming emotions coming from her human and the view of a dark head and a pale one leaning together.

Hotaru

"Ah, so a lack of skill is the fundamental error," she responds gravely, as if she's some grand quality engineer of Talyson's half-formed social skills. The tiny twitch at the corner of her mouth intentionally gives her away. "Well, I have wonderful news for you then; practice is the great universal supplier of skill and experience. Seems you've already put in a day's work then." Her expression is soft despite the humorous tilt of her smile, hoping he senses the positivity she's intentionally trying to impart without overwhelming him with sentiment.

Her sleeve has plenty room for his grasping, beseeching fingers, and Ru's hand on his neck gently squeezes in turn, the action lost beneath the laughter his grumbled words inspire. "I have plenty of crazy to go around, and little shame in admitting it. Worth the reward I'd say." While she worries about his happiness here in Halo, she wouldn't see him leave it, but the future is uncertain and tenuous at best. If she can be a bright spot amidst the dark of isolation, then she will be returning the favor he already gives her.

I've set a course for losing you
I've no remorse for what I do

"No!" Tal denied automatically, even if that was pretty much exactly what he'd just admitted to. But Hotaru continued her teasing over his protestation and the courier managed a shadow of his usual scowl at her 'advice.' Especially when she twisted it around at the end to absolve him from further 'practice' for the day and he was left with a grumble that had no good target.

But her hand was warm on his neck and her hair was soft on his forehead and he didn't pull away from either, in spite of his instinctive grumpiness.

"Yeah? Well... if you're sure... I guess it's okay then." Aside from his sisters and maybe Sah, most people didn't seem to think spending time with him was much of a 'reward.' There was a warmth in his chest at her words in the place where the pain had lodged deepest, beginning to heal some of the fractures that had threatened to tear him apart earlier.

A sigh puffed into the air, reluctant and morose. "I guess I should still deliver the cake..." He didn't sound excited about the idea as he cracked an eye to glance down at the box in the snow. It... definitely looked the worse for wear.

Oops.

Hotaru

The subsiding grumbles announce that her ploy worked perfectly, ensuring Tal could not argue without then refuting the portion allowing him to retreat from the emotional work he so detested. Grinning, the Valkyrie compliments herself internally on a job well done, and takes the warmth of his skin and closeness as reward. She has admitted to herself after many long years that she has become critically touch-starved, and while there is no easy fix for it in her solitude, moments such as these are what keep her going.

"I'm pleased to have your blessing," she replies in perfectly elegant sarcasm. Eyes drawn to the cake as well as he points it out, the Valkyrie laughs under her breath. "She and Deimos both have an immense addiction to sweets. Say Boreal accidentally crushed it on a note on the top, and so long as it's not dirtied they'll absolutely eat it." Plus, saying it was the lovable dragon's fault would ensure prompt forgiveness. Such was the benefit of companions.

I've set a course for losing you
I've no remorse for what I do

Her familiar sarcasm drew a softly inelegant snort from the courier. The storm had passed, shaking their friendship but not shattering it, and Ru's continued nearness was a reminder that the sun would shine again. He took a deep breath and consciously loosened his grip on her sleeve but didn't raise his head from hers until a familiar horned cranium butted against their hips, wanting in on the hugging.

It was Tal's turn to huff a laugh, dropping his hand to rub Boreal's head obediently. "Whaddya think, girl? D'you mind takin' th'blame on this one?" He felt a little bad framing the innocent dragon, but she crooned up at them and wagged her tail in a snaky line through the snow, just happy that the tension had been resolved. "Well, if it's alright with you..." He finally released Ru and bent to retrieve the box, surreptitiously wiping his eyes clear while he was down there.

Straightening up, he cleared his throat, looking over the top of Hotaru's head so as not to meet her eyes. "Look. If you're not doin' anythin' tomorrow you should. I dunno. Come over for dinner maybe. Dierdre's makin' ningo pot pie an' there's always too much. If you're not busy or somethin'." His sisters would be delighted to have the spa's owner over and Tal figured he could put up with the teasing for a while.

Hotaru

A small smile quirks at the corner of Ru's mouth at Boreal's confirmation, complete with waggling tail and mooning eyes. It makes her ache for the part of her soul that remains burned out and tattered. While Tal speaks to her and retrieves the crumpled box, Hotaru lets her own eyes unfocus, until everything is blurred and soft at the edges. Carefully placing each emotion that had sprung forth from her normally tight grip during this entire encounter back into the box it came from.

The offer is unexpected, but the Valkyrie is grateful for it as she comes back to herself. It gives a deadline for seeing him again, ensuring they don't simply retreat into their respective holes in the wake of confrontation, no matter the resolution. Smiling, Ru snags her own parcel back into her arms. "I'll be there. Maybe I can recruit her into helping me get you to visit the spa," she teases, still amazed by his steadfast determination to avoid it. Turning, the Valkyrie tilts her chin towards the path they still have to share. "C'mon, I'll walk with you to Evie's. Keep you accountable with finishing your goal." Bumping shoulders companionably with the taller man, Ru turns and starts them off down the cobblestone pathway, and thanks what little emotional competency she has for not losing one of her few remaining friends.

- Fin!

I've set a course for losing you
I've no remorse for what I do