Never fear, Hotaru! Tal would be training with her, too, and every chance he could get. Even though he was coming into his own strength and confidence as a fighter his respect for her and her experience - though usually couched in teasing and braggadocio - meant that she would find him at her door, season after season, finding any excuse to spar if the gods didn't see fit to provide one. But he trained with others, too, learning from their different strengths and approaches.
The question of Noah had a particularly Frey-ish answer this time around, but the ex-Warden was quickly forgotten in the rush of hurt and guilt and misery that accompanied speaking of the current one. Her hand on his may have stopped the distracted destruction of the offering, but for once even her touch wasn't enough to lift the weight upon his heart that bowed his head. He watched her fingers curving around his own and though he didn't pull away he didn't relax, either. Trusting her and afraid to trust at the same time, after having been burned before.
But it was Hotaru at his side this time. He had given her a piece of his heart to hold two years ago and she had never betrayed that trust since. Nor did she now. Though the Valkyrie's honesty was blunt and precise she delivered her words without judgment or rancor, and the pain that followed was neither new nor unexpected as she laid out his fears with a compassion he would appreciate later.
After the pain had subsided enough to see past it again.
Whatever the reasons, the justifications, the excuses, the pleading that circled in his head, Tal kept them all locked behind his teeth, knowing that nothing he said now would change what had been done. Nor would saying them to Hotaru change Deimos's mind. They were empty words, nothing more, but--
But.
What did he want?
Tension flashed through him then; anger and frustration at wanting the impossible. It was a momentary thing, brief in its intensity but unsustainable in the face of the reality of his situation and a moment later he slumped, leaning into Hotaru's side and for once not caring if anyone saw or commented.
"I dunno. He... he was my first real friend in... in a long time. I l-- cared about him too damn much. Guess I still do. I dunno that I'll ever like that woman." A ghost of his usual scowl tried to pull at his lips, but the flash of anger had left nothing in its wake for the moment to feed his grudge and it faded almost before it began. "An' I'm not any better at lyin' about it now than I was before the War. An' Ru? I don't want t'lie t'him about it. About anything."
He was silent for a moment, but there was a tension still that spoke of words yet to come. He borrowed her strength for a little while longer before straightening again, and when he raised his head to meet her gaze there was pain in his own pale eyes.
But there was acceptance, too.
"I apologized to him. An' every time I've tried t'talk t'him or help Halo out for his Warden stuff he just gets more pissed off at me. I've spent a year tryin' t'fix things, an' you're right. He doesn't... doesn't care. Doesn't want it fixed. I dunno what else t'do anymore. Everythin' I do just seems t'make it worse, an' every time he glares at me like he can't stand the sight of me it... it kills me a little more inside. But I won't grovel for him, Ru. If that's what it takes t'earn his forgiveness... he's not the man he used t'be."
There was a traitorous wetness in his eyes and he could only blink fiercely to try and clear it, not entirely successfully, both hands full of the box that was still mostly intact though decidedly the worse for wear now.
The question of Noah had a particularly Frey-ish answer this time around, but the ex-Warden was quickly forgotten in the rush of hurt and guilt and misery that accompanied speaking of the current one. Her hand on his may have stopped the distracted destruction of the offering, but for once even her touch wasn't enough to lift the weight upon his heart that bowed his head. He watched her fingers curving around his own and though he didn't pull away he didn't relax, either. Trusting her and afraid to trust at the same time, after having been burned before.
But it was Hotaru at his side this time. He had given her a piece of his heart to hold two years ago and she had never betrayed that trust since. Nor did she now. Though the Valkyrie's honesty was blunt and precise she delivered her words without judgment or rancor, and the pain that followed was neither new nor unexpected as she laid out his fears with a compassion he would appreciate later.
After the pain had subsided enough to see past it again.
Whatever the reasons, the justifications, the excuses, the pleading that circled in his head, Tal kept them all locked behind his teeth, knowing that nothing he said now would change what had been done. Nor would saying them to Hotaru change Deimos's mind. They were empty words, nothing more, but--
But.
What did he want?
Tension flashed through him then; anger and frustration at wanting the impossible. It was a momentary thing, brief in its intensity but unsustainable in the face of the reality of his situation and a moment later he slumped, leaning into Hotaru's side and for once not caring if anyone saw or commented.
"I dunno. He... he was my first real friend in... in a long time. I l-- cared about him too damn much. Guess I still do. I dunno that I'll ever like that woman." A ghost of his usual scowl tried to pull at his lips, but the flash of anger had left nothing in its wake for the moment to feed his grudge and it faded almost before it began. "An' I'm not any better at lyin' about it now than I was before the War. An' Ru? I don't want t'lie t'him about it. About anything."
He was silent for a moment, but there was a tension still that spoke of words yet to come. He borrowed her strength for a little while longer before straightening again, and when he raised his head to meet her gaze there was pain in his own pale eyes.
But there was acceptance, too.
"I apologized to him. An' every time I've tried t'talk t'him or help Halo out for his Warden stuff he just gets more pissed off at me. I've spent a year tryin' t'fix things, an' you're right. He doesn't... doesn't care. Doesn't want it fixed. I dunno what else t'do anymore. Everythin' I do just seems t'make it worse, an' every time he glares at me like he can't stand the sight of me it... it kills me a little more inside. But I won't grovel for him, Ru. If that's what it takes t'earn his forgiveness... he's not the man he used t'be."
There was a traitorous wetness in his eyes and he could only blink fiercely to try and clear it, not entirely successfully, both hands full of the box that was still mostly intact though decidedly the worse for wear now.
