He didn’t know what to expect after the outpouring of his own emotions. Tal could only try to hold himself together as he felt the solid earth between his feet turn to quicksand, with no energy left over to try and guess what Hotaru would do. He didn’t expect her to leave… but then, he hadn’t expected Deimos to do so, either. All he could do was defend himself and wait for the fallout, miserable and hurting and afraid.
She spoke calmly. Quietly. Endlessly, it felt like, but without Deimos’s rancor or Delia’s tears. And in truth he didn’t understand half of what she said. It was too much, too quickly, layered atop the courier’s cracked and bleeding heart. Her advice and her honesty had been and continued to be an avalanche that dragged him under. No sooner did he reach out to grasp one word than a dozen more flowed between his fingers and carried him tumbling along, swept away from whatever response he had been starting to build.
In the end it wasn’t her words that he focused on. Through it all she had continued to watch him. To face him, not turning away. There had been apologies, he was fairly certain. He wasn’t sure in that moment if they’d been for what he wanted, but in the end what mattered was that she cared enough to try. Cared enough to stay.
His step was hesitant, moving back from his retreat. Part of him, proud and stubborn and angry and petty, resisted. He had been alone before. He could survive alone again. He didn’t need anyone but his dogs and his dragon and the open tundra. If being with people led to so much pain he was better off without them.
But he had never laughed so much when it had been just him and the team. They needed him, true, but he never felt as strong as he did when Ru and Sah and Delia needed him (and Deimos… but Deimos had never needed him. Not really). And he never felt so warm and confident of his place in the world as when they wanted him with them.
And however much it hurt, he wanted them, too.
His arms stayed wrapped around his own chest, still afraid of falling apart if he didn’t hold himself together, but he took the second step to close the distance between them, avoiding the cake box only by sheer luck, and bent his head to rest his forehead atop Ru’s, eyes closed and breath puffing warmly over her nose.
”Y’talk too much,” he protested, voice rusty, raspy, and pleading. ”’Always was a shit student, Ru. Never could follow long lectures. Just… just let it be. Tryin’ t’get him back… it’s not worth losin’ you along the way.”
She spoke calmly. Quietly. Endlessly, it felt like, but without Deimos’s rancor or Delia’s tears. And in truth he didn’t understand half of what she said. It was too much, too quickly, layered atop the courier’s cracked and bleeding heart. Her advice and her honesty had been and continued to be an avalanche that dragged him under. No sooner did he reach out to grasp one word than a dozen more flowed between his fingers and carried him tumbling along, swept away from whatever response he had been starting to build.
In the end it wasn’t her words that he focused on. Through it all she had continued to watch him. To face him, not turning away. There had been apologies, he was fairly certain. He wasn’t sure in that moment if they’d been for what he wanted, but in the end what mattered was that she cared enough to try. Cared enough to stay.
His step was hesitant, moving back from his retreat. Part of him, proud and stubborn and angry and petty, resisted. He had been alone before. He could survive alone again. He didn’t need anyone but his dogs and his dragon and the open tundra. If being with people led to so much pain he was better off without them.
But he had never laughed so much when it had been just him and the team. They needed him, true, but he never felt as strong as he did when Ru and Sah and Delia needed him (and Deimos… but Deimos had never needed him. Not really). And he never felt so warm and confident of his place in the world as when they wanted him with them.
And however much it hurt, he wanted them, too.
His arms stayed wrapped around his own chest, still afraid of falling apart if he didn’t hold himself together, but he took the second step to close the distance between them, avoiding the cake box only by sheer luck, and bent his head to rest his forehead atop Ru’s, eyes closed and breath puffing warmly over her nose.
”Y’talk too much,” he protested, voice rusty, raspy, and pleading. ”’Always was a shit student, Ru. Never could follow long lectures. Just… just let it be. Tryin’ t’get him back… it’s not worth losin’ you along the way.”
