From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
Her quiet is...disarming.
Harper doesn't really know what to do with it. He hasn't been angry in front of her, never, and part of him had quailed immediately in cold fear at having been angry enough to cause damage to anything in their vicinity. She only knows the vaguest information of the blood on his hands, the things he was forced to do, but even this could be enough to make someone scared and -
He jumps, startled, as she touches his shoulders. He'd been too stuck in his head to hear her moving, but he wilts underneath her palms, head in his hands and fingers curling into his hair to press the heels of his palms into his eyes to quell the stinging there. "I...I don't know," he answers pitifully. For all that outburst, all that hurt and abandonment, it hadn't shown him any clearer of a path. Just that he wanted to choose it on his own. "I want...to go to bed." Baby steps. He couldn't think of the future in his inebriated state even if he wanted to sit down and plan. "And I don't want to be alone. Will you stay? Until I'm asleep?" Just enough to feel another body at his back, even if she will have to go back to Jude eventually. He can handle waking up alone another morning, but tonight this is what he wants. The first, small, selfish thing he has allowed himself to ask for.
His jump almost startled her. But she stayed cool and collected, his exact opposite. She needed to balance him now. So she let her fingers run across his shoulders in a soothing manner. Anything to calm the rage that burned his kind soul to cinders.
"That's okay. You have time." she said soothingly. He didn't have to know right then. He could think on it. He could take his time. The world wouldn't stop spinning. But what he did want surprised her...and for a moment she was conflicted. He said he wanted to sleep, but get a drunk man in a bed with a pretty woman and those wants might change. But she had promised to do whatever she could, and she could do this.
Her hands wound around him to lay over his hands. "Of course, Harper. Just tell me where." knowing he may not want to lay with her in the same bed he shared with Maeve.
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
The anger subsides faster than he had expected. Maybe it's age, or experience, or something else. Maybe Harper needs to stop being so afraid of himself. But as he slowly drops his hands back to the couch to prop himself up, he sees the thick, gnarled scars there and that small hope dies. Her comfort is still enough to keep him tempered and the coals to a low simmer, and Harper slowly straightens, though he instinctively keeps his shoulders hunched to appear smaller after such a violent outburst.
He doesn't consider the implications, both too inebriated and admittedly not the type to be ruled by such base desires. While more than happy to satisfy when they'd been together, he'd never been the skirt-chasing type. Right now he just...needs someone there. "Edmund's old room, he cleared it out. It's..." his head hurts from the sudden swell of emotion, which means bad things for the inevitable hangover, so Harper abandons any attempt at explaining and merely motions silently for her to follow. Hands empty and wanting to grab onto her somehow but lost in a sea of uncertainty on where they stood now.
Instead he leads her there, the room now a guest bedroom with a decently large bed and closed curtains with no personal belongings remaining. It hurts to look at, but Harper knows Edmund is happy in his new apartment. He stands there staring at the bed all the same, feeling that same ache of loss. Shaking his head roughly he yanks off his sweatpants and nothing more, leaving plenty of clothes between them as he gracelessly lays on one side, silent and drained.
He might think the hangover will be bad now, but the tonic she had given him would take the sharpest edges off of it. He limply reaches for her as he turns and she takes his hands. Their relationship might be tricky waters to navigate, but even platonic friends held hands from time to time. It was safe.
Quietly she followed him to what was apparently Edmund's old bedroom. It was a nice room, but lacked personality. The sort of blank slate Harper seemed to be yearning for. She didn't flinch as he took off his pants, having seen him in far less many times, and as he laid down she pulled the covers up over him.
Then she crawled into the other side, taking just a moment to remove her shoes. Phoebe snugged up behind him then, reaching a hand up to gently run through his hair. What came to mind then were some of the lullabies from his time that he had taught her while she was pregnant with Jude. And so, in a soft tone, she began to sing one that seemed fitting for the two of them.
"Moon river, wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style some day
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way
Two drifters, off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow's end
Waitin' 'round the bend
My huckleberry friend
Moon river and me"
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
They never seem to be free of this, this constant wondering if what they are and are not allowed to do to and with one another. It had been like that at the start, when he’d seen her as young, too young. Maybe that set the precedent for how they would eternally be together. It’s a depressing thought, but he isn’t sure what he would prefer in its place - for her to leave him utterly, to let him move on at last? It doesn’t seem as appealing now that he is abandoned a second time.
It’s nice to have her at his back, to feel protected and sheltered in ways she’d come to understand he needed. A man too modern and soft to compare to the men of her youth. It hurts she still remembers. But her hand is gentle, accustomed to his riotous curls and how not to tangle them, and as she sings he quietly lets slip the tears that follow in the wake of the anger that had left him hollowed out. A song he’d taught her, one he’d crooned to her belly when she was pregnant. One he still sings to Jude to this day. It hurts, but the familiarity makes him drowsy all the same.
She continues to sing, allowing the song to repeat and lull Harper to sleep. Perhaps it is fitting as she is the Nightingale. Only when his breathing steadies does she stop her minstrations, fingers lingering for a moment. In that moment she pretended, just for a little while. She lay there next to him after a long day. Jude lay in the next room fast asleep. And for the first time in years she felt a little bit of peace.
But it was not meant to last.
When she was sure he was asleep she rose and slipped out of the bed. Finding a notepad on a desk she wrote a quick note - Harper, I hope you aren't feeling too terrible. I will be back in the morning to check on you. and layed it on the table next to his side of the bed. Then she departed.
And as Phoebe promised, she returned the next day, a basket in her arms this time. She knocked loudly on the door, calling out "Harper! It's Phoebe!" so he would know it was her.
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
He doesn’t remember drifting off. But when he wakes, his head doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as it should, and the bed is empty as he’d expected.
He looks anyway. He does every morning, no matter how long she’s been gone. He’d done it when Phoebe had disappeared too, and now he wonders how many times his arm will reach across the bed and find nothing but empty air before his brain will understand and his body will stop hoping before he’s even conscious enough to know what he’s hoping for.
He reads the note on the bedside table with bleary eyes, and then he gets to work.
The table is hauled out and discarded, the living room cleaned, the alcohol put away. He’d like to say he tossed it, but he’s not that optimistic. And he gets Phoebe’s favorite dessert from the old bakery in Torchline she used to love, which sits on the table covered and waiting for her to arrive. When she does, he is far more steady on his feet than the night before as he answers the door, a little tired but cleaned up and put together. “Hey. You didn’t have to come back, but thank you.” He waves her in as he says it, closing the door behind her and ushering her to the kitchen where he takes the cloth off the dessert and slides it across the table towards her. “Thought I’d get you this as an apology for my behavior last night.”
She stepped inside and shook her head. "It's not a problem. I'm not going to leave you when you need someone." she said, glancing into the living room. The table was gone and furniture rearranged. He had apparently been busy this morning.
Phoebe followed him to the kitchen, setting her basket on the counter. But when he shoved something across to her she looked surprised. Inside was a cinnamon roll with cream cheese frosting. Immediately she lit up. "Is this from Brittany's?" she said with child like excitement. As for his behavior she waved it off with a hand. "You were drunk and very understandably emotional." she said simply and smiled. "But thank you. This is for you." she said, sliding him the basket. Inside was more tonic and a breakfast befitting a hangover cure.
"Now that your head is clearer, any ideas what you want to do?" she asked, taking a bite of cinnamon roll, leaving a little white mustache of frosting on her lips.
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
He admittedly doesn’t know how to reply to that, but he has an expressive, unguarded face around her and knows she’ll be able to see how much he appreciates the sentiment. His expression warms further at her excitement and ability to recognize the cinnamon roll visually alone. “It is, I wouldn’t dream of giving you a lackluster replacement,” he chuckles, recalling times she’d turned her nose up at other options unless nothing else was available.
It’s almost like a drug exchange, and Harper laughs as she scoots the basket over, making a hungry noise of excitement and appreciation as he pulls back the top to find a breakfast of champions within. He reluctantly takes the tonic first so it will work faster on an empty stomach, making a dramatized face at the aftertaste before pulling the food out for easier access.
Harper snorts a laugh and gestures a finger over the top of his lip to signify she has something there before becoming more serious. “Ray had interest in leading earlier this season but she has been incredibly busy as of late. I was more than happy to support her candidacy if she did, but I’m not sure who else may put forth interest if it was proposed. Hadama can’t keep ruling both territories, it’s just not feasible.” He plays with his fork as he leans against the table to eat, never capable of sitting still or sitting to eat. “I’ve never considered doing it myself. I’ve always seen myself as better as a structural support for lifting up a chosen leader. I used to lead my team in my home world but I don’t know…I don’t know if leading here is the right call.” He sighs and gestures idly with his fork in the air.
“I considered Stormbreak as they also need guidance, and it’s closer to the Greatwood, but I feel closer to Safrin here. So I also considered perhaps asking her advice when I finish my quest.” Which is quite near at hand. Then again, he isn’t certain if she will be interested enough in human political affairs to even have an opinion. But it was worth a shot. “Otherwise, if I moved to the Greatwood, I would be afraid to feel how I do now; purposeless, lost. I know you’ve been working on a cabinet there but I also know it’s slow going, and the population is still recovering.” Which would only mean more loneliness to contend with. Giving a wry smile and a huff of a laugh, Harper shakes his head. “Clearly I’ve been thinking a lot.”
Phoebe blinked at his gesture, then wiped at her top lip. Oh! Frosting! She quickly licked it off her finger then continued to eat her cinnamon roll a bit more carefully.
She was quiet as he spoke, eyes down at her delight in contemplation. And when he finished she looked up at him seriously, with a slight downturn of her lips. "Harper, you say you want to forge your own path, but everything you just said revolves around pleasing other people." she pointed out. Supporting this leader, helping this city, so on and so forth. It was all for the betterment of others, not himself.
"That is why I offered the Greatwood as a place of respite from all the politics." she said. "You can spend time with your son and get an idea of what you truly want." she said. It had given her that perspective anyways.
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
It's not an unfair estimation, but as Harper carefully cleans his own mouth he considers how best to respond. "I thought so too, on the surface. But...well, let me explain." Hauling himself to sit on top of the table as was his prerogative, he pulls one knee sideways up onto the surface to get comfortable and inspire a more relaxed feeling in his body to try and mimic it in his mind.
"I used to be a leader. It was very different from the type of leadership I see in Caido now, but my experience back then had me staying away from it. I lost so many people I didn't want to do it again. But I had been a teacher too, someone who helped train young people with abilities to join the frontlines. That's different here." And blessedly so. Though the war had taken many, war was war. It was different and more acute than what he'd contended with on his home world. "But helping people is what I want to do. It's what gives me purpose, makes me happy. That's why I built the school." Why he continues to teach there even with all his other duties as a councilman and father.
"Frankly, if I was just sitting around with Jude I think I'd go insane. Caido has already given me more peace than I could have dreamed of. That's why I feel like I need a goal instead." But it's clear with his warm and open expression that he's open for her to debate that, ready to receive new ideas and a different outlook.
Phoebe considered him and his words quietly as she finished her cinnamon roll. Then she leaned back in her chair. He seemed pretty decided on this route, as different as it seemed from his previous night's outburst. He wanted to help people, yet he was shying from leadership. She could understand that his previous experiences may have him wary of it, but...it fit. He just needed someone to work for or under instead of the weight resting solely on his shoulders.
"Then I still say come to the Greatwood." she said with assurance in her voice. "Torchline has Hadama. Stormbreak has the blessings of the gods." she said and sighed. "The Greatwood has no one. No one with any experience anyways." she said. Phoebe had never even been on a council, much less a leader. But no one else was stepping up to the plate, the population scattered and broken in the aftermath of the war. "Your wisdom and experience would be invaluable. And you could teach your son to take your place when the winds inevitably take you elsewhere." she said with a small smile.
No, she did not see the Greatwood as Harper's permanent home. Just a stepping stone.
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
He shakes his head again, because he just can’t seem to word it the way he needs. “No, that’s exactly what I mean. I have been a councilman or other supporting person my entire time in Caido. Maybe what I need is to lead again.” To have control again, to be the person who didn’t disappear.
“But also, Torchline can’t be properly ruled by a Mer forever. Not when he still has his own kingdom to attend to. And - well, frankly Phoebe I don’t have many friends anymore. The few I have are here. I’m afraid leaving them will only make things worse.” Skyboats were a wonderful invention, but Caido was massive, and travel still often took multiple days on the larger charters, or more money for private, swifter vessels. “And…also…” Harper sighs and stares down at the plate in his lap from where he sits on top of the table. This next part is hard to say.
“I don’t know that I can live near you again yet. Seeing you is still hard and complicated. And I don’t want to just - rebound, the way I did with Maeve.” Because he might have a little, even if there had been genuine feeling there that had only built up with time. And that reveals a lot - about the fact he’ll never really stop caring for her, and how that becomes a dangerous thing when they’re too near. When they’re playing family a few doors down instead of regions apart.
Phoebe looked like something clicked when he said that. Ah, so he did want to lead. His resistance to the Greatwood when she was establishing herself as the leader there made more sense. Still, she sighed. It...stung for some reason. Another rejection in a way is what it was, and coming from Harper it held a lot of weight.
She shoved her plate forward, then splayed her hands on the table in front of her. "Well. If you want to be a leader...then what do you need from me?" she said, willing to support him whatever way she could.
But then he dropped the last bomb and her countenance fell. Her eyes dropped to her lap along with her hands. She was silent for a time, then she laughed a little wryly. A soft, sad sort of sound. "I suppose it was too much to hope you might want me back...especially so quickly." she said with another laugh. She looked up at him and smiled sadly. "Sorry for being presumptuous. I'm sure you'd rather if I left?"
