From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
What does he want from her? It’s a good question because he doesn’t really know. “I’m not sure. Your opinion, I suppose? If you think I’d be good as a leader?” He isn’t worried about any kind of nepotism given she has been in the Greatwood for years now, but even if she disagrees with him leading, her blessing would be appreciated if nothing else.
Her hurt causes his own, as it always has. As he suspects it always will. Setting the plate aside, he turns to look at her more fully, face drawn. “I don’t want you to leave right this second, I want to talk about this. I just don’t want to be seen as the type of man to go from one person to another without hesitation. You resented me for moving on after a little over a year - Maeve hasn’t even been gone a year yet.” And she’ll notice he’s carefully avoiding how he actually feels, but Harper feels that’s safer. What would it matter how he felt when this is the crux of the issue? “It would cheapen my feelings for both of you. And how would Jude feel?” Sighing, he runs a hand through his hair. “I just want to know you’re giving me advice for me, and not for the chance we might get back together. And I think moving to the Greatwood would not only make me lean on you more and hasten that, but I wouldn’t learn anything about myself. About changing, and focusing on my own desires. Desires not tied to being a partner or a father.” Things he’d always wanted his entire life, but which had only brought him pain. Not that he would ever regret it, or ever regret Jude, but it wasn’t the ending to his story he’d envisioned.
"My opinion?" she said and laughed brightly. "Harper, I am just a midwife who didn't know how the world worked until I met you -" Because yes, there had been many conversations about his "science" in their time together. "My opinion can't hold that much weight. But..." and she smiled at him. "You would be a great leader. You're compassionate. You're smart. You understand politics, war, and the everyday. And you are in good standing with the gods. Any region would be lucky to have you." she said with the upmost confidence.
But the conversation had turned more personal and she just shook her head. "I know why. It didn't stop my heart from wishing is all. It's stupid like that." she said quickly wiping at her eyes.
He made very good points which was very frustrating. Why did he have to be so logical and why did she have to agree with him. "You're right. It is time for you to shine." she said, smiling up at him. "Stop letting silly women hold you back."
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
“You’re not ‘just’ anything,” he says softly, holding her eyes. No matter what, he wouldn’t let her perceive herself in such a way. She had stolen his heart for a reason, no matter what had happened since. But it’s admittedly nice to hear that she has faith in him and his abilities to lead if he so chose. Even if there are other topics at hand to contend with before he can comment on that.
He reaches across the table to gently touch her hand, though he doesn’t do anything more. “I told you not to wait for me. And I meant that. I don’t want you to get hurt if things don’t go right - but I’m happy we can do this. Talk, and be friends, and lean on one another. And be frank about how we feel, even when our hearts wish too early.” And if things change in the future, when more time has gone by and he doesn’t feel so hesitant, then maybe that will be for the best. But he doesn’t want to latch onto her just because she’s familiar and he still remembers what it was like to love her. Neither of them deserve that.
“Neither of you were silly women. But I think I’m just hurting and directionless. I need to be just Harper for a little while. Talk to Safrin about Maeve, and Torchline.” If his goddess doesn’t approve it’s all for naught anyway. He would abide her decision regardless. “And if Torchline or Safrin don’t want me well…keep an eye on real estate in the Greatwood?” Because then, and only then, he would consider it a sign and move on.
"I haven't waited." she said softly looking at where his hand met hers. "There just...is no one else." she said with a mirthless chuckle. No one showed true interest in her. Her glamour meant most were just interested in her looks. But for the most part people just weren't interested at all...and frankly she wasn't either. No one made her heart flutter. No one made her blush. Not like Harper.
Again she quickly wiped at her eyes. It was hard to stay strong with old emotions re-rupturing inside.
"You deserve to be just Harper." she said in agreeance. He had put his heart into so many just to have it broken. He deserved some time to focus on just himself. And with Jude older...well...he could. Not that she wanted to give merit to her son's decision.
She laughed a little again. "It's a buyer's market in the Greatwood and will be for awhile." she assured.
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
He’s glad to hear it, even if it makes his own chest twinge. No matter how he’d moved on, or how they’d continued to be friends, it would never be fully easy to hear. “Maybe there will be, in time.” And if there wasn’t, then they didn’t deserve her anyway. He had loved her dirty and bruised on the edge of that bridge, and he would love her even with all her flaws magically washed away. But the timing wasn’t right. He isn’t sure if it ever will be given their histories, but he hopes things will change for the better. He can’t keep having nights like last night. Something has to give.
“Can we…maybe do this more often? No strings, no expectations. Just keeping each other company?” As he’d said, he doesn’t have many friends anymore, and nobody knew him as well as Phoebe. It would be nice to make an active effort to be friends. It would certainly be easier now, with the empty house making it easier to socialize without the frostiness between her and Maeve.
Phoebe let out a short laugh, looking up at him. "You always were so optimistic." she said. Maybe there will be...where? When? Who? The math didn't add up to her. Meanwhile he had been able to find a new suitor in the span of a year. She sat home alone, or with her son, feeling nothing but emptiness inside, broken and unwanted. A void only another half could fill.
But he propositions that they start over in a way. Friends. Just friends. And it breaks her heart to contimplate it. But...it was better than nothing right? "Sure." she said with a small smile. "I am sure Jude would like that too." They might not be together, but being on better, closer terms would certainly make him happy. And gods knew she would suffer anything for her boy.
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
He concedes the point with a sheepish smile, shrugging slightly. “I’ve seen so many people give you looks without being brave enough to speak to you. Maybe your magic intimidates them, makes the more humble men believe you’re out of their league.” He picks his fork back up just for the sake of waving it at her, trying to get her to laugh. “You know back in my world women pursued men just as equally! Maybe you just have to try that approach.” And it’s only his personality that makes it possible to say this, because part of him rejoices that she has not succeeded. But it’s a part he can’t afford to listen to.
Smiling as she agrees, he tries to hold onto it, but mention of Jude makes him sigh and listlessly stab his fork back into the food. “I’m worried about him. He’s taking Maeve’s absence really hard, and Edmund having disappeared right before…then he goes and visits Frey? He talks to me, but he doesn’t really have any friends. He spends so much time alone.” As parents, they’ll have to work together on this, and it feels nice to tell her his worries. Things he would’ve previously shared with Maeve, that he felt he couldn’t share with Hadama or Melita.
Phoebe rolled her eyes. They had hardly seen eachother except for Jude drop offs and pick ups. How many people could he really have seen look at her? "If they are too scared to talk to me, then maybe I am out of their league." she said in jest. Only half jest though. Really, she was pretty, not scary. Anyone without that kind of spine likely couldn't handle her tumultuous life.
But as he wagged a fork in her face she did manage a true laugh at his nagging. "In my world, girls were betrothed at 11 and married at 14." she said back, using an extreme but real situation. "And I have tried it, with you. So what's wrong with wanting to be pursued for a change?" she said with a smirk and a raised brow.
The conversation turned to Jude and her expression fell. "He went to Frey because he thought he was a burden on us." she said with a sad sigh. That reality still nawed at her heart. Her poor boy. "He was especially worried about helping you." she told him. It was a hard truth but it was important that he knew. "All we can do is encourage him to get out more. Kick him out of the house and make him find something to do or people to be with." she said with a grin, knowing neither of them would ever do that.
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
He merely shrugs, though it's clear by the way he winces at the ages that he still really, really hates to hear it. No matter how flippantly she says it, he knows it's wrong. Either way, he won't force her to change her ideals - they both will have to deal with their loneliness on their own terms. At least their friendship will buoy them through, give them people to talk to, reasons to leave the house aside from Jude.
"We talked about it," he responds quietly, remembering how they'd sat together in bed for long hours discussing things the day he'd come home older. Jude had said much the same to Harper as he had to Phoebe, and it had broken the man's heart. "It has been hard not to blame myself." Maybe if he had better hidden how tired he was, or how Maeve's absence was hurting him, Jude wouldn't have felt so pressured to alleviate the burden. "Oh, I kick him out plenty," he laughs, a little strained as he tries to get back to a lighter tone. "But all he does is wander around alone or explore the jungles and beaches. Luckily he has Edmund - and he mentioned meeting two other people near his age recently, so I'm hoping for the best."
She noticed his wince and just shook her head. Their worlds had been so different, some differences just couldn't be overcome.
But they are discussing Jude, and it was a sore subject. "Sorry for repeating things then." she said with a sigh. Really it was quite hard to figure out what to do. "I blame myself." she admitted. It was a guilt she wasn't sure could be overcome. Her failure as a mother to protect her child from the trials of being a parent, and a single one at that. She didn't think she would ever forgive herself.
"So what do we do? Arrange playdates for our sixteen year old?" she said with a light laugh. The idea was preposterous, but she would absolutely do it if Jude didn't expand his horizons more.
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
He waves away her apology with the fork still in his hand, now having paused eating given the topic. "No, no. I just meant that he confided in me quite a lot. I just wish he'd done it earlier." Maybe then they could have avoided the entire thing and all the heartbreak that had accompanied it. Turning to look at her, he tries for a smile that comes across a little too sad. "I'll tell you you shouldn't if you tell me the same." It would be a hollow comfort as neither would change their minds, but he'd take any help right now.
He snorts an accompanying laugh. "I wouldn't be against it in the least, but most of the kids I know are younger or older. He was so excited to have another sibling -" he cuts himself off, expression falling. Appetite firmly gone, he sets the fork back on the plate and sets it aside, trying to maneuver away from that topic. "But the girl he met was near his age he said. I helped him make a basket to give her full of new house supplies so he could go help her move into her new place in Stormbreak. I thought that was a pretty good kick out the door," he laughs, recalling the relief in his own chest that he'd found a friend at all.
"I'll tell you you shouldn't if you tell me the same."
How easy it would be to do so. How easy to just comfort the other with empty words. But that's exactly what they would be - empty. She frowned and shook her head. "I can't, Harper. We made our son feel like a burden. We each failed him in that." she said sadly. How she wished she could say something different, but then she wouldn't be being honest with him or herself.
Oh, but Phoebe wasn't about to let that little nugget bomb of information go. "A...a sibling?" she said, a slight shake in her voice. She shouldn't have been surprised. Really it made perfect sense for Maeve and Harper to have discussed blending their families like that. But something about it still hit her hard in the chest.
That Jude had found someone his age and was helping her was a slight relief though. And as Harper began to describe the situation more fully, she began to wonder. "I wonder if it is the same girl I met in the Eyes of Vi. She decided to move to Stormbreak instead of staying in the Greatwood." she said with a slight sigh. Keeping residents was so difficult. The lack of leadership wasn't even a factor this time because Stormbreak lacked it too. "If it is, she is a lovely girl. You'll have to ask her name. It was Sohalia, or Soh for short."
Anything beautiful, people want to break And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
Harper shakes his head slightly, disagreeing. “That’s not how that works sometimes. He’s a sensitive kid, and we tried everything we could with talking to him and balancing his life. The ability for him to age himself is a problem we can’t contend with; the same way we have our own anxieties that never go away no matter the logic or comfort we try to give each other.” Phoebe has many that Harper had tried to ease away with little success, just like he has his own. He shrugs slightly and looks away. “It’s a balance. We can feel guilty and blame ourselves, but we can’t let it live on our shoulders forever. At least we didn’t lose his entire childhood, thank the Gods.” If he’d been any older, had immediately moved out…Harper doesn’t know how he would have reacted. Not well, for sure.
It’s a delicate topic to say the least, but he wouldn’t do her the disrespect of simply ignoring something once it had been brought up, no matter how unintentionally. “Yeah. You know I’ve always wanted a big family, and Jude was excited about it. I thought maybe it would be good for him too.” Get the chance to experience being an older brother, have the growth of looking out for someone younger. “He wanted a sister. Edmund is firmly his favorite, so I guess that made sense to want a different gender.” It’s easier to phrase it as Jude’s desires and dreams, to try and make it less painful. For them both.
“Yes! Sohalia. He was so excited when he came back home. I’m glad you approve of her, at least one of us has met her.” He’s still just barely young enough for Harper to have the desire to keep an eye on the types of friends he makes, even if he can no longer control them.
Harper's words made sense in her mind, but did little to soothe the ache in her heart. The sense of failure was overwhelming. But it was done. She couldn't change it. No amount of guilty feelings would make Jude small again. Phoebe bit her lip, exhaling slowly through her nose. Harper was right. She had to find a way to let this go. "It's not your fault." she said quietly after a moment's hesitation. It still felt like a lie, but it was a step in the right direction for healing.
Putting the idea of Maeve and Harper having a child together from Jude's perspective did help a bit. But only a bit. If she had been successful in finding someone else then perhaps she could have given him a sibling. Either way it didn't matter. Said sibling didn't exist and currently wasn't capable of existing unless she and Harper...No. She couldn't let her mind go down that rabbit hole. "I see." she said softly, letting the topic drop.
"Oh! Phoebe said in delight when Harper confirmed that the girl in question was indeed Sohalia. "She really is a lovely girl. Very curious. You would like her." she said with confidence. Not that it meant too much. It took a lot for Harper not to like someone, as agreeable as he was.
