bartholomew
The bottle gets dropped somewhere in the sand, falling from fingers that fold themselves into fists. "That's what ya don't fuckin' get, I don't care if you were imprisoned! I don't care about yer fuckin' trials, I don't care about you! I care about my brother!" He wants to shove him, get him down into the sand like a furious schoolboy, but his hands are too busy shaking at his sides because - "Cared. Cared about him. Because he's dead - again." He'd had Nate's second death date tattooed beneath the man's first not long after the war had ended. Then he'd gotten blackout drunk for as many days as he could before waking up in the middle of nowhere, body destroyed and grief as strong as it had been the moment the first bottle had touched his lips. Nothing had changed.
The tears are unexpected - he blinks and they are clinging to his lower lashes, begging for release. It's almost impossible to swallow them down, but it's been two years - he thought he'd gotten them under control. That he'd come to some measure of acceptance. Apparently, all it takes is fighting with Sunjata to bring it all back.
He flinches back a little from the hand that reaches out to grab him by the jacket, only to go limp and let the man haul him close like a worn ragdoll. The fight leaves him all at once, and he feels ashamed. Nate would've had his fucking hide for saying that to his husband, and Bart knows it. "Shit, I...y'know I don't mean that, Jata." His voice is hoarse and wavers painfully, and even to his own ears it sounds like his brother. A hollow comfort. He would never fill Nate's shoes in any way that mattered. His brother was always the best of them both. "Just...I wanna hate ya. You were his reason for everythin' - if he hadn't found you, maybe he'd still be alive." It's a horribly cruel thing to say and he knows it, but he's a selfish bastard. "I got the answer to everyone's prayers when I found him here. Chance of a fuckin' lifetime. Only to lose him again. I didn't even get the time with him that you did...how's that fuckin' fair?" His head lolls forward either to meet with Sunjata's own or to land on his shoulder, trying to stifle the fresh wave of grief. This was exactly why he'd avoided the man; aware that they would just drag one another down into a tar pit of memories and aimless anger that tore them both up inside more than could ever hurt anyone else.
The tears are unexpected - he blinks and they are clinging to his lower lashes, begging for release. It's almost impossible to swallow them down, but it's been two years - he thought he'd gotten them under control. That he'd come to some measure of acceptance. Apparently, all it takes is fighting with Sunjata to bring it all back.
He flinches back a little from the hand that reaches out to grab him by the jacket, only to go limp and let the man haul him close like a worn ragdoll. The fight leaves him all at once, and he feels ashamed. Nate would've had his fucking hide for saying that to his husband, and Bart knows it. "Shit, I...y'know I don't mean that, Jata." His voice is hoarse and wavers painfully, and even to his own ears it sounds like his brother. A hollow comfort. He would never fill Nate's shoes in any way that mattered. His brother was always the best of them both. "Just...I wanna hate ya. You were his reason for everythin' - if he hadn't found you, maybe he'd still be alive." It's a horribly cruel thing to say and he knows it, but he's a selfish bastard. "I got the answer to everyone's prayers when I found him here. Chance of a fuckin' lifetime. Only to lose him again. I didn't even get the time with him that you did...how's that fuckin' fair?" His head lolls forward either to meet with Sunjata's own or to land on his shoulder, trying to stifle the fresh wave of grief. This was exactly why he'd avoided the man; aware that they would just drag one another down into a tar pit of memories and aimless anger that tore them both up inside more than could ever hurt anyone else.
Wake up, or you'll wake up six feet down
nobody's got your back in this town
nobody's got your back in this town
