dream a little dream of me

the lullaby

Love isn't all that it seems
I did you wrong

Remi's lips part at that, though whether to disagree or apologize isn't entirely clear. Not even to him. He owed her an apology, that much was probably true, but hadn't he saved her twice, as well as killed her? From death the first time as a woman, and from the life she'd have to lead with his blood on her hands? "Based on what I know, I doubt I could have gone through with it if I had." He says, resisting the urge to shrug and instead rolling his shoulder in an attempt to relieve some of the tension there.

"Do you want me to avoid it?" Raising his eyes fully and doing his best to see Isla for who she was now, and not for the bits and pieces of her that he remembered reading, the Lullaby tilts his head imploringly to the side. It's the closest he can come to saying we both know I won't be bothered by being here, without cutting deeper into that particular wound.

I'll stay here with you
Until this dream is gone

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

Isla

"And I suppose that's all that matters to you now. That you were able to go through with it." Isla frowns, angry at herself now for her own upset, the Ancient sniffing and unconsciously mirroring Remi's attempts to relieve the tension from her shoulders. "Even now I bet you're thinking that it must have been for the best because otherwise you'd never have made the decision. Because gods forbid that you could be wrong about something."

It's unfair for her to get angry at this version of the Lullaby who has no idea why she feels the way she does, but it's like a wellspring that's been tapped now, a deep cavern of emotion buried and waiting for release. "Yes and no," she says at wanting him to avoid King's End, hating the way she wishes he'd just recognise her, just for a single second. "Do you have any idea what it's like to want to do something you know will only hurt you?" The old Remi does. This one, though, she's not so sure.

I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it
When you hit me, hit me hard

the lullaby

Love isn't all that it seems
I did you wrong

Forcing himself to keep whatever instant quip bloomed on his tongue at bay, Remi forces out a stiff breath through his nose and presses his teeth together until he can hear them start to whine. "I...am not sure what matters to me now, when it comes to this." He makes himself say on the heels of a sigh, before Isla's words cut him off and he finds himself blinking stupidly down at her. "Me thinking that something is for the best does not mean I could not be wrong about it." He admits. "But just because something hurts does not mean it was not the right thing to do, either."

Trying to remind himself that the woman before him was not just some stranger who was overreacting and demanding that he justify far-gone choices he'd made in the past, but someone he'd once loved deeply, cherished above nearly everyone else, and had (gross) slept with, the Lullaby sets down the trap and opens his palms to Isla in an I don't know gesture before letting them fall to his sides.

"Being on the mountain all this time it has been a while since I have had to make a choice like that." Remi replies; his retirement with Ronin had been almost entirely blissful over the past few seasons, but that didn't mean the Lullaby had forgotten entirely what it was not to just be a demigod hidden away from the world. "But yes. I do know what that is like." He admits softly, frowning to himself.

"I would apologize to you for what I did if I thought it might help, but...from what I do know, I cannot see that happening."

I'll stay here with you
Until this dream is gone

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

Isla

Her cheeks flush with an anger that surprises no one more than Isla, and she reaches down (yes) and picks up a pebble to (yes) throw it at his chest. With their difference in strength, size and about every other attribute, it will likely do little more than ping pathetically off his pectorals, but it makes her feel slightly better.

"Just stop being so reasonable," she snaps, as if any chaos in his reaction would have meant there was something left inside him with her name on it. "You were my best friend. You gave your son my name, for gods' sake. How could you do something like this and think it was for the best?"

Because, surprise surprise, not that Remi will know or care, Isla's life has taken quite the nosedive since the war, and that's even after the blow of losing the Lullaby from her life. "Fuck," she hisses, mostly to herself, turning away from him and running her fingers back through her hair. "Fuck. I just... for fuck's sake. I'm sorry. This means nothing to you, I just... it's the first time I've seen your face in years, Remi."

I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it
When you hit me, hit me hard

the lullaby

Love isn't all that it seems
I did you wrong

Comically it does bounce off of his chest, and given everything he knows about himself and what little he knows about Isla, Remi doesn't even have the decency to flinch or otherwise try and step away. Instead, his eyebrows draw together again a touch sadly and with a good deal of confusion. "If you had killed me, really killed me, what that really be better than this?" His voice is soft, just barely a whisper really. Rationally yes it seems like the best choice, but irrationally it does as well. "How could I have ever said that I loved you, and let you have to endure that?" Remi continues. "And I could not have had you forget me, even I still know that. I would have loved you even if you had no idea who I was, and ... " Pausing, the Lullaby frowns, realizing something.

"Maybe it should have been that, then. At least if you had killed me I might just have been a stranger to you, and you could go on." Biting at the inside of his cheek, it's genuinely only this flash of emotion from Isla that makes him laugh hollowly and shake his head. "But gods, if this is how you react to a thing I did to myself, imagine if I had done it to you?" Maybe there wouldn't have been an Isla to rally against him, but gods he'd not have taken that chance for anything.

Watching her turn away, the fingers of his right-hand twitch in an effort to reach out for the Remedy's shoulder, but the Lullaby reaches over and holds his arm in place. He isn't really who she wants to be comforted by anymore. "You do not need to apologize..especially if the most you are going to do is throw pebbles and curse." Levity? Ohh, risky move, Remi.

I'll stay here with you
Until this dream is gone

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

Isla

"It's all really so black and white to you isn't it? I didn't kill you in Stormbreak when the Voice was right there in my head. I know, because I do remember it," she snaps at him. "But it's either I forget her or she kills me, or I make her forget me and she kills me. Gods, you're so selfish." The words spill out now without her even giving them a chance to sit behind her teeth, and as he continues, gods, it doesn't even get to levity before she's whirling around to glare at him.

"You," she hisses, "have no idea what you have done to me. What this war did to me. You think I've had a happy life, since you forgot who I was?" Isla swipes at her eyes, angrier now for getting angry in the first place, and she stutters in a long breath and forces it to sit there in her lungs, until she's sure she can control the flow of her words.

"Just... go," she mumbles. "Just go. This isn't helping anyone."

I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it
When you hit me, hit me hard

the lullaby

Love isn't all that it seems
I did you wrong

"Me?" Now it's Remi's turn to look indignant and upset. "You would have chosen us over leaving my family alone when you inevitably killed me? Because having the Voice in your head in Stormbreak is one thing. But during the war?" Hissing in a breath, the Lullaby tilts his chin to the side, disbelief wrinkling his brow. "I never said it was a good choice, did I? Just that it was the one to make given the other options."

His attempt at humour dies immediately (no real surprise there), and he shakes his head. "No, I do not." Remi agrees, shaking his head. "But not everything is my fault." He adds, as his right-hand flexes slightly in a crawling-Thing gesture. Before it can communicate whatever it wants to, Isla is trying to send him off.

At first, the Lullaby has absolutely no indecision about what to do. If she wants him to leave, then he'll fucking make like a tree. But gods, he's fairly certain that's not want she wants, but the love for her just isn't there to make him sympathetic to the hurt she's going through. You loved her once, so much so you nearly gave up your life for it. He tries to remind himself as he stands silently and watches her hold her breath.

"Okay." He decides after a moment. "I know I would not have wanted to see you like this, and...I know you think I made the wrong choice, and maybe it was selfish of me, but at the time I really did think it was the best thing for us." Remi says slowly, and softly. "Know that I had someone I loved once forget me without giving me a say in it, so when I did this to us, I did have an idea of the cost, and still did it." Swallowing hard, the Lullaby frowns sadly.

Isla was right though, his being there wasn't helping anyone.

Wishing he could have at least said, good to see you again, the Lullaby nods something to himself as he turns. "Goodbye, Isla."

I'll stay here with you
Until this dream is gone

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

Isla

"I wouldn't have chosen this," Isla says simply, because in a world of gods and monsters, there's more than one way to deal with a situation like theirs without resorting to the nuclear option. But she'd never been given that chance. And given that she's arguing with the ghost of the man who gave her up rather than the Remi she knows, it's difficult to feel guilt in the face of his remarks. "Not everything is," she agrees. "But I am your fault, Remi. You made me yours, and then you threw me away."

Maybe it would have been better for her to be the one to forget. Because, from death to life to memory, from companion to Ascended to Ancient, Isla can't forget the space she once took up in Remi's heart and soul, connected in a way that feels impossible now. Which is why, ironically, she shivers out a laugh at his last comment. "Remi, I know about Sam. I know almost everything about you. You don't have to explain."

And perhaps that's why it hurts so much, ultimately. Because she does understand his reasoning. She just hates it.

"Goodbye, Remi," she mutters, folding her arms across her chest and waiting to feel the void where he once was again. And when it happens, she surprises herself when it hurts just as much as it did the first time she realised he was gone.

~FIN

I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it
When you hit me, hit me hard