maybe who we were then is shattered, but who we are in the end is what matters
What indeed?
Hotaru has been considering this question far too much lately between Flora's inquiry at the spa, the entire night of the grand opening, and now this horrid reminder of all she has lost. Having Tal ask it so plainly is merely the nail in the coffin of realizing she can't procrastinate figuring it out any longer.
"It meant something very different before Sunjata and Nate." A story he partly knows after being at her bedside through her nightmares for two years. Something that changed her as deeply as having the twins, as losing Enzo. "It was always reliably the same before - I just don't know if I'm the same woman now. Or if what I saw as living back then is what I need right now." Or if it merely poses a potential regression into hurt she doesn't want to feel. "Before, it meant...socializing, partying, seeking out power and influence. Looking for a taste of something real while enjoying all the pleasures of insincerity." Hookups, hollow promises, even alcohol. Things Hotaru has not gone back to. Things she lumped together with the good and locked away in the dark. But how can she know anymore what is good for her, and what is merely a coping mechanism that convinces her she can feel for a little while? "Now I just don't know." And she feels like her life is passing her by while she sits and waits, trying to figure it out.
Hotaru has been considering this question far too much lately between Flora's inquiry at the spa, the entire night of the grand opening, and now this horrid reminder of all she has lost. Having Tal ask it so plainly is merely the nail in the coffin of realizing she can't procrastinate figuring it out any longer.
"It meant something very different before Sunjata and Nate." A story he partly knows after being at her bedside through her nightmares for two years. Something that changed her as deeply as having the twins, as losing Enzo. "It was always reliably the same before - I just don't know if I'm the same woman now. Or if what I saw as living back then is what I need right now." Or if it merely poses a potential regression into hurt she doesn't want to feel. "Before, it meant...socializing, partying, seeking out power and influence. Looking for a taste of something real while enjoying all the pleasures of insincerity." Hookups, hollow promises, even alcohol. Things Hotaru has not gone back to. Things she lumped together with the good and locked away in the dark. But how can she know anymore what is good for her, and what is merely a coping mechanism that convinces her she can feel for a little while? "Now I just don't know." And she feels like her life is passing her by while she sits and waits, trying to figure it out.
