fire and gold

Jude

Do you love me like that?
If I keep on driving

It feels terrible to turn such a lovely, perfect moment into something sour, but Jude cannot bear to keep it inside a moment longer lest he feel like he's intentionally hiding it from her. Which he's not, no matter how difficult it is for him to admit to what feels like a betrayal of their delicate, new relationship.

Reassurances aren't the first thing he expects from her. Shouting, maybe, or tears, but not such tenderness as she refutes all those worries and insecurities that he carries around inside his head. Because of it, his gaze drops away from the ceiling to meet hers immediately, his expression raw and vulnerable. Leaning into her cheek, he smiles a little sadly. "Thank you," he murmurs because he won't devalue her faith in him even if he can't agree with her just yet.

Though now it's his turn to go through a maelstrom of emotions as she reveals that not only does she know Koa, she had gone on dates with him. Jealousy burns right alongside amusement and disbelief, and this time he's the one to choke out a startled laugh. "That - well - I mean yeah, I guess we do," he laughs, blindsided but still almost hysterically amused by how they'd both gravitated toward the exact same person. only the sound of her voice going small and uncertain takes him out of the haze his head finds itself in, and he resumes stroking her hair immediately.

"No, no I don't want that. I mean." Puffing out his cheeks and exhaling slowly, Jude tries to do the open-minded teachings of his parents justice. "If it was someone we both equally loved, and they loved us back, that would be different. But that's the only kind of polyamory I'd want - no secondary partners or anything." They both have overly-large hearts, but they're also both romantics. Jude can't imagine sharing her with someone he wasn't also entangled with, and the realization of the depths of his jealousy is certainly something to grapple with. "But...that feels like it would be hard to achieve if neither of us wants to see other people?" A bit hesitantly spoken, trying and failing to think of any way it would occur naturally without inciting jealousy or feelings of infidelity given neither of them wants to actively pursue seeing other people.

Would you hold me when we crash?
Or would you let me go?