[Training] [se] familiar destruction

remember that you can't save everyone

remember that you have to try

Maybe they weren’t. Perhaps she was traversing the same old lines and pursuits, wandering back to what she knew best, even if it wasn’t what her life required or needed. Chaos, drama, and heartache was comfortable when it was all one knew – to drown in its misery and melancholy would be far easier than bothering to overcome it. But she’d come so gods damned far, and he didn’t want to see her fall apart and meander at those frayed seams because that was safe. So his eyes narrowed briefly at the statement, uncertain how to read it, before administering another burst of flame upon spiders in the distance.

The topic of George might have been something new and foreign, but something about the conversation felt sharpened, and he wound his attention back to unsaid threads too. “Someone to protect?” Deimos snorted, muffling a laugh. While it was true that most would seek to shelter and shield their loved ones, there were fine lines to be had. Hotaru was no damsel in distress, and at this point, the Sword couldn’t be certain who the thief would be protecting her from. Arching his brow again, he watched the spiders smolder into embers before winding them over into more ash and dust. “Have you had that conversation with him?” Or was it an underlying feeling, something kept in the back of her mind and never unfurled? A potential danger too. Her other statement caused a shake of his head, but he always seemed to be the enduring, patient one in a world of impulsive individuals. “Does he train or anything?” He could imagine a thief would need to employ some level of competency in stealth, quickness, dexterity, at the very least.

Her last response though left him sighing – because they both knew better. Trying only went so far until she succumbed, somehow, someway, to the stupidity and idiocy of the Flood. And while he couldn’t understand the pull, and probably never would, the Valkyrie had always managed to find Sunjata in a completely different light. One last statement went out to the notions, regardless, as if Deimos couldn’t help himself either, always striving to drag her out of the deep end. “You deserve more than him and his mistakes.”

out for vengeance

DEIMOS

I lend everyone my ear, but nobody my heart
and I sure would like to change that, but I don't know where to start

Hotaru grins as he badly muffles his laughter, clearly in agreement - and glad that he is amused in reaction to such an idea. Hotaru despises being looked down on, and while she does admittedly want someone who can protect her, unfortunately George is simply not on her power level, so the idea is even more preposterous.

"No. Which I'm sure will be your chance to tell me I should, but it feels both presumptuous and too soon given only two dates." Though she smiles wryly and kicks her legs idly off the edge of the climbing wall. "I haven't really dated before though, so maybe I'm going about it wrong." Then again Deimos hasn't either, as far as she knows - though his relationship with Evie is enviably solid, so maybe she should be taking advice from him. Recent advice of course. They've both suffered their mortal wounds of the heart in the past. "And as far as I know he doesn't train either."

Humming quietly to his last comment, Ru stares down at her feet. "Maybe. You know I don't see myself in nearly so positive a light." Though she tries, and growth is slow but not non-existent. "If my own mistakes can be forgiven, I believe his can be too. We're all just...trying to remember how to live these days." Some faster than others, and Ru can only see that Sunjata needs help, a hand to lift him out of that darkness the way Deimos had helped Hotaru out of hers. Or maybe she's just giving herself reasons to keep going back.

Hotaru

remember that you can't save everyone

remember that you have to try

Protection could go in many ways – the foremost of sheltering and shielding, of ensuring no one was harmed physically, and then there were in terms of wellbeing – the mental, the layers underneath, all the turmoil, all the scars. Considering who both Ru and Deimos were, that was usually the last figment of their health and stature. A respite and sanctum hardly found, until it was, and they were never quite sure what to do with it – with friends, family, and loved ones. “It does not always have to be about power,” he mentioned, perhaps as a reminder for himself, as well as her. Because there were those who could, and would, guard hearts and souls.

Whether that was George, Sunjata (and the mere thought of it makes him want to murder), or someone else, would remain to be seen.

Casting his gaze away from smoldering ash and back upon the top of her head, he sighed. The Sword wouldn’t be the one to ask advice from considering relationships – he’d had very few, due to his history of heartbreaks, incantations, and the canvas of lacerations slashed inwardly. But he’d also been very fortune in Evie, and so he could only extend what he knew, and things learned through many trials and tribulations. “Evie and I have been solid because of communication.” Love and affection, confidence and faith, were the bones and structure, but so were the ways they discussed things openly with one another. The Evergreen had always been pointed and thorough, and without an Attuned bond, he didn’t have a choice – could not convey everything he wanted to through silence and feelings. “Basing decisions off of assumptions usually does not bode well.” He gave her a pointed look she probably couldn’t see, and then his glance went to the horizon. I do have some news though, he kept hushed, so any soldiers nearby couldn’t snag it just yet.

Notions of forgiveness were never a sentiment readily shared by the Sword, and she knew that well. His jaw clenched on the inflections, nose wrinkling. “His mistakes are quite vast.” From Spite weddings, to permitting Ascended to ride in along Stormbreak and kill innocents, to extending his shift when the same individuals came to invade Halo, to having a child without consulting anyone…and that didn’t even seem to be the end of it. Quieter still, the rumble thereafter came on a long breath, not looking her way. “How many times does he get to break your heart?” And why did she keep giving him permission to do so?

out for vengeance

DEIMOS

I lend everyone my ear, but nobody my heart
and I sure would like to change that, but I don't know where to start

She concedes the point readily in a way she might not have before the war. Someone who will protect her heart is as important as someone who can protect her physical form. And though she bites her tongue, she can't help but interject. "Sunjata and I have been communicating more than we ever have. Partially because I can finally understand how he feels when he can't say it." Because of the Attuned bond - as Deimos will know, given she only Attuned after the breakup. "It really makes clear how terrible he is with words, honestly." She tries for humor, but she knows it won't land. Not with Deimos. So she just kicks her heels against the climbing wall. "It feels different. I know that's hard to believe, but it does." And her head feels clearer when considering where she stands with the Flood. Not entirely free from her heart's intervention, but as close as she feels she can get.

“How many times does he get to break your heart?”

Ru bites her lip and exhales slowly, not quite a sigh but something more considering. She is silent for a very long time. Deimos will not accept a half-assed answer, but she also knows she can't change his grudge - would never want to - so she doesn't want to say something that will make them talk in circles eternally.

"I can't speak on his other sins. They're not my sins to forgive, nor do I have a right to speak for him." Though Deimos should not be surprised by her decision to overlook it. Hotaru's morals are even more heavily askew than the Sword's, and entirely dependent on devotion and affection. She has forgiven far worse. "But as for myself; though he has hurt me more than most lovers, he has brought me more happiness than any of them." And she loves him more than she ever did Thranduil, Ashamin, or any of the others. "I think the weight of his harm overshadows the time he made me happier than I'd ever been. But I can't forget that peace so easily." And, when paired with her knack for forgiveness, it is a devastating combo. "After the war, after how much we both lost - some of it shared - I can't begrudge him the choices he made in an effort to keep Nate safe." Hotaru can't say she wouldn't so something equally outrageous if the tables were turned. If it meant ensuring Enzo survived, or Nate. "And maybe it's foolish to think he won't hurt me again, but I still feel happy around him. Understood. He knows my burdens as much as he knows me." Turning her eyes up to Deimos at last, her smile is a touch sorrowful, almost apologetic.

Forgive your friend her stupidity, Dei.

"I selfishly can't let that go when it still feels in such short supply for me." Happiness. Peace. Things she has found bit by bit since the war's end, but which have never returned to the same levels as prior. Things she hadn't felt even before - not since Nate and Sunjata. And that's precisely why she is mending bridges with Sunjata now, because leaving him had been the end of her happiness, long before the war ever stole her spirit from her.

Hotaru

remember that you can't save everyone

remember that you have to try

The good news he longed to share seemed to dissipate into the woven, entangled webs of their conversation, and he kept it hidden behind everything else, uncertain when the topic would come up again. He’d become a steely fortress in the interim of Sunjata and Ru, reliving particles and places, of fires forged and punishments placed and everything that crumbled thereafter, only to wonder if the cycle was doomed to repeat. He didn’t care how terrible the Flood was with words, or how different it seemed, because that man’s character had long since been tarnished by all the other misdeeds. War had been war, but what had been the explanations beforehand – for any number of sins?

Or maybe Deimos simply couldn’t comprehend the rationale behind forgiveness, when it’d been extended to Sunjata time and time and time again, and he consistently threw it away on stupidity and selfishness. The Sword had burnt many bridges with no intent of repair; content on watching them smolder into embers, and never touched them again. Clemency and absolution were rarities in his mind – for people seldom gave him a reason extend the attributes. “And whose are they to forgive then?” His eyes narrowed, staring out over the horizon, jaw clenching tightly. “The people who died because of his actions?” How could she overlook the way he’d bent and broken her too? How could she pretend it never happened? How could she forget the number of times she’d wept, damned by his actions? What happiness was there – when he’d scorned and punctured and lanced every opportunity?

He shook his head, nearly mulish, longing for a day when the Flood evaporated into the void. “I will never understand it,” was an admittance of his coldness and reasoning; justifiable means on his end. Were things different because Nate was gone? Because Sunjata had nothing left, and he could meander his way around the Valkyrie again – use and use and use because she was willing? If it were up to him, the cretin would never be permitted to breathe again, much less persist in his antics: to die alone, banished, fallen and broken apart amidst King’s End, and tossed in one of the hills there, forgotten. “Yet, he is the one who hurt you, and took away your peace, over and over again.”

out for vengeance

DEIMOS

I lend everyone my ear, but nobody my heart
and I sure would like to change that, but I don't know where to start

"Yes," she says frankly, recalling Enzo's soft, understanding expression and knowing eyes. The dead are not incapable of thinking, or forgiving, merely because they are gone. "Or their families." And frankly she doesn't know anyone who was lost in Stormbreak, and Whitebrim's destruction had at most killed cannibals she had no feelings for regardless.

As for herself - forgotten amidst the casualties - she only wants to capture that lost happiness he brought her before it all went to hell. Whether that makes her a fool or an optimist she isn't sure. And, furthermore, she isn't sure she cares.

"I don't need you to understand it. I just need you to respect that - sound or not - it's my decision to make." She won't (can't) argue with him any further than that. "And if it burns me in the end, I'll take nobody else with me this time." Especially not Deimos. So she will not tell him about any further affairs or changes, not only to spare his morals and opinion of Sunjata, but to keep him safe from any destruction that may await her.

With that, she stands and touches his shoulder briefly, wishing there was some middle road they could find with each other here but knowing it did not exist. "I need to go unpack. I'll see you - tomorrow? Dinner?" They live so close to each other that it's a frequent proposal, though this time her smile is wan and strained from their not-quite argument. From there she shifts, launching herself in avian form from the top of the climbing wall, her thoughts and feelings shuttered into her own mind.

- Fin <3

Hotaru