[se] we come in waves

the lullaby

Trying not to either laugh or sob with relief at her words, Remi merely draws in a shaky breath and nods, trying to collect himself. Hazarding a look in her direction, the Lullaby's gaze softens considerably as he - here you are being selfish again, Remi - takes one final look at her before trying to find someway of spelling this all out for her.

"A few days ago I received a letter...from myself." He begins, rolling his shoulders and trying not to let himself become bogged down on details. "It was posted-dated to arrive this year and at the beginning of this season, and said that so long as there was no threat from the Voice any longer, to keep reading.

It said that I placed...not our memories into a vial, but...our history, I suppose, and that if I drank it I could watch it all back." The Lullaby shivers, from guilt as much as the weightiness of it all, his stomach clenching again. "It was all there, right from the beginning." In a voice hardly more than a whisper now, Remi gnaws at the inside of one cheek before glancing at Isla. The tears he'd been blinking back now trickle down his cheek like silvery streams in the sunlight.

Swallowing hard around the lump in his throat and forcing a small smile as if that might make it easier to begin speaking again, Remi exhales shakily and looks down into his palm. Rubbing at it, a claw appears and disappears with the pressure, not unlike the way a cats' might. "I am not sure I have ever hated myself more. Of all the things I have ever done..." Pausing, his throat suddenly choked off, Remi blinks his eyes closed. "gods Isla." The words threaten to become a sob, though for all the Lullaby's tense shoulders and stomach, he can barely stop it.

"I took you for granted the entire time. I was so selfish, for all of our relationship."

You trace my lines, stirring my soul
shoot sparks at the heart of the world
& I watch it explode

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

we're always running scared but holding knives

Shifting to get at least somewhat comfortable on the sand, Isla folds her legs beneath herself and tries to dust a bit of the debris from her clothes. It's a sorry attempt at composure, and the Remedy swallows hard as Remi begins. A letter from himself already has her eyes stinging, an invisible fist clenching in her chest to know that across the years and the seasons, Remi hadn't entirely abandoned their friendship after all.

Finding it suddenly hard to draw a breath, Isla blinks quickly and forces herself to keep quiet, not wanting to interrupt the Lullaby when it's clear he's already having a hard time speaking. She wants to ask if he wants to drink the vial he's just discovered exists, but as he continues, apparently he already has. Tugging at a loose thread in her skirts as if that will keep her hands busy enough, the Ancient sucks in a shaky inhale at last.

"None of that matters to me," she admits in a whisper, because it doesn't - how else has she kept going back for more all this time? "I know you inside out, remember. I just wish you'd let me say goodbye." Her breath shudders back out, and without thinking Isla reaches across the distance between them as if to brush the tears from his cheeks.

Isla

the lullaby

Frowning and feeling as though he'd just been plunged into arctic waters, the Lullaby glances up sharply, lips parted. That it doesn't matter is merely the cherry on top of the utter delight that is Isla Lockwood, and gods but Remi can't believe he ever thought he deserved her in his life. Lashes fluttering and his teeth clenching against one another to try and keep caged the sob in the back of his throat, Remi sucks back a breath and gives his head a miserable shake.

Unable to move, not that he would, the Lullaby meets Isla's gaze as her fingertips brush at his skin, instantly causing his tears to flow anew and for his lower lip to tremble. For all the composure he's tried to maintain thus far, the tidal current of his emotions is something else entirely. Vast and indomitable, the black swell of his guilt coats even the very best moments that had existed between the two, and capsized across the entirety of its surface are broken boats with names like you can't change it and what's done is done.

'I know,' He cries, his right hand rising to cover hers against his cheek. " I wish I had as well."

You trace my lines, stirring my soul
shoot sparks at the heart of the world
& I watch it explode

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

we're always running scared but holding knives

Her fingers flinch against his cheek with the sheer force of the black tide that erupts with his magic, but Isla doesn't pull away. It's the closest she's been to Remi literally in years (disregarding the moment in King's End where she'd accidentally pinned him down as a raccoon) and gods he even smells the same. Better, even, given that she's got senses now to properly appreciate it.

Of course, what's given is returned in full, and while Isla's emotions aren't nearly so tumultuous, the dark lake of her meaningless existence runs deep and impossibly cold, fuelled by I miss yous and what could have beens. Becoming an Ancient has brightened her in every physical way, but grief renders her bleak and monochrome inside.

"Don't cry," she whispers, because of course she does - it's who she is, the Remedy shifting forward to bridge the distance between them. "Don't - you'll start me off."

Isla

the lullaby

Sobbing out a laugh that immediately has his stomach clenching with the familiarity of it, Remi can only give Isla an imploring look as he rises onto his knees and reaches to draw her against him. It's an awkward embrace already, but given just how recently he'd watched himself utterly and convincingly fuck up their relationship, he's absolutely keen to take whatever the Lullaby is willing to give. "Don't you dare." He whispers warmly against her, giving his head a little shake. "Based on everything that has happened, I would say you are not allowed to be worried about my feelings for at least 5 years. Probably longer."

Not quite sure how (or if) to hold her, this partially owing to the fact that while Isla had weakened in some physical respects, Remi had only grown stronger, his arms seem to ghost around her; filling the spaces she left but far too self-conscious to take anything for granted.

"Do you know that I thought you were beautiful, on the first day that we met?" He wonders softly, the tears now streaking down his cheeks doing so in painful pulses rather than a constant flow. "I thought that you were wonderful and kind and clever, and I never told you." Remi's eyebrows flinch together, as if having just seen it all played back, he still can't understand it.

You trace my lines, stirring my soul
shoot sparks at the heart of the world
& I watch it explode

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

we're always running scared but holding knives

"You can't stop me," Isla tells him in a tight voice, her lips flinching in a smile, "I've always worried about your feelings." Even in the years when he'd have walked past her in the street with no memory of who she was. And as much as Remi seems to be doing his best to be awkward, it's an embrace Isla has been waiting for since before the war, and as his arms slip around her, she finally lets herself believe it's happening.

To say that Isla melts against him is an understatement, because the Remedy almost climbs into Remi's lap with the force of her hug, clutching him close and letting her fingers grasp almost desperately at the fabric of his shirt. "I've missed you so much," she sobs, the words muffled against the side of his neck, and from the achromatic swell of her emotions, small jetties of colour begin to roll and drift.

Isla isn't selfish enough to give voice to her worst admissions - things like I've been so lonely and I didn't want to be here any more and I've lost everything, but for a man with Remi's magic, she hardly needs to say it out loud for him to know.

Isla

the lullaby

Inhaling sharply as Isla tangles herself against him, Remi wraps his arms as snugly around her as he dares having lost all grip on how normal people embraced one another thanks to Ronin. "I am so sorry," He whispers softly against her hair, his lips near the curve of her neck as his hands tighten against her. Whether the words are in response to the things he's done or to the oil-slick mirage of colours that shift from Isla hardly matters. He's sorry for all of it, and he thinks he always will be.

"You are so...so warm." He doesn't pull back to say this, not when he's gone without Isla for nearly two years now, but even with the roar of the ocean crashing against the shoreline he doesn't need to speak above much more than a whisper. It's a realization that has the Lullaby smiling crookedly; it was only once Isla had become an ascended that the pair's relationship became physical, and from that point on the Remedy had always remained at precisely the same temperature. Now though, her body sun-warmed against him, it feels as though she's alive again despite the nearness with which she's been flirting with death.

"I know that for you most of this happened years ago, but having just seen it...gods, Isla, I was so selfish. When you became an ascended...the Longnight we spent together, when your clinic burned down and Cal-"

You trace my lines, stirring my soul
shoot sparks at the heart of the world
& I watch it explode

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

we're always running scared but holding knives

A soft laugh huffs from her lips despite how she can't seem to stop crying now that she's started, Isla nodding against Remi's shoulder. "If you think that's impressive, you should see what I can do with a leg of venison," she mumbles, the implication being, of course, that she can enjoy food now too.

Able to sink against him comfortably at last, the Remedy smooths out the wrinkles she's put in Remi's shirt, and she's ready with a soft quip to brush off his guilt, until Cal's name tumbles from his lips. Fingers flinching, Isla is smiling even as her shoulders tremble with fresh sobs. "I was starting to think I was the only one who remembered him, too," she admits in a whisper; and it's the only thing that keeps her going some days, knowing that if she dies then it's like Cal was never here too.

"He's dead." She knows Remi probably knows, but it's still raw after all this time, and it has no right to be.

Isla

the lullaby

"I nearly experienced what you could do to a raccoon, so I think I can imagine." He quips, his emotions darkening into a momentary flash flood as he wonders if the pair will ever share a meal together or if this is just a cathartic one-off before they part ways again for good. Normally Remi would just stubbornly declare that he wouldn't let that happen, only now that he'd come face to face with just how poorly his decisions had turned out, he simply forced his mind to still so that it could note the salty but medicinal smell of the woman in his arms, of the space she occupied against him, and of how much he loved her.

Relaxing, his legs shifting so that she could sit between them rather than awkwardly on them, now it's Remi's turn to brush away the tears from her cheeks. "I heard." Of course he hadn't cared at the time; now though he'd call down Mort again if it Isla wanted it, so she could see Cal. "I remember." Inspired by her own hands perhaps, Remi began to smooth down the tangles of Isla's hair which had been caught by the sea breeze. To this end, his wings shrugged from his shoulders with soft wooomph, one of which stretched out to protect Isla from the chill of the wind.

"You two read together, a lot. And he was...funny, in a strange way." Not Remi's kind of humour, but then jealousy had indeed tinged quite a few of their encounters. "And he loved you. Anyone could see it."

You trace my lines, stirring my soul
shoot sparks at the heart of the world
& I watch it explode

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

we're always running scared but holding knives

"Ah, that's right." Isla manages a brief wince at the recent memory. "Sorry about that." And she is, especially now that the moment isn't clouded by pain she couldn't afford to let herself feel properly. "I didn't know you even had that shift any more." Settling in the sand between his legs, the Remedy doesn't expect the touch of his fingers against her cheeks to mean so much, but it does.

Not as much as hearing memories of Cal spill from Remi's lips, of course, and fresh tears quickly replace the ones he's brushed away. "Yeah," she agrees, her voice pitched higher than she'd like, and she's more than a little grateful as the fan of his wings come to shade her from both the breeze and the wide open shoreline around them.

Inhaling deeply as if realising she's being slowly suffocated by her own tears, it's in a silence that feels almost serene that Isla takes a second to appreciate this reunion for everything that it is, for the burden she feels it lifts from her shoulders. With that in mind, she reaches out suddenly to swat at Remi's chest and shoulders a few times, light enough that it can hardly really count, and the pout on her lips is contrived at best.

"Don't you ever send me a letter like that ever again," she tells him. "I've been carrying it around for years like it was one of those stupid relics."

Isla

the lullaby

"I lost it...and then Ludo gave it back to try and get me to lighten up." Frowning, Remi glances over one of Isla's shoulders as his head lolls uncertainly back and forth. "I think the jury is still out on that one." He admits before Isla's tears steal his attention and it's with gentle fingertips that he interrupts them.

With his hand still in the shape of her cheek as she creates enough distance between them to begin to physically assault him, were it not for the shimmer of relief and playfulness he could feel thrumming through her, he might have been a good deal more confused. Instead, he takes his beating without argument and even leans back on one hand to give Isla even more room to continue her barrage if she wants. Smiling softly, his other hand and wing still curled around her, Remi nods.

'No, never.' He readily agrees, sea glass eyes dancing across her features as he began to memorize them anew. "Nothing like that ever again without talking to you first, though I hope it never comes to that again." The last part is said somewhat gruffly as emotion clogs his throat anew and a ripple of tension shivers up his body.

You trace my lines, stirring my soul
shoot sparks at the heart of the world
& I watch it explode

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

we're always running scared but holding knives

"You? In need of lightening up? Never," Isla drawls, though the pink flush to her cheeks suggests that she isn't sure she's in a position to be making such a statement. For all of their shared history, she really hasn't known Remi for the past two years, and all throughout the war. Luckily it seems as though he agrees, and so she's free to launch her affectionate assault quite freely.

And honestly she would have continued, but even playful strikes to the Lullaby literally hurt her hand, Isla flexing her fingers and furrowing her brow, soothed by his agreement. That is until she feels the tension spider up through his body, the Remedy reaching up to gently squeeze Remi's shoulders. "It won't," she whispers fiercely; if nothing else, paranoia has come from surviving the war, and it feels as though the world is on edge for signs of something similar.

Letting her hands drop and wiping her cheeks afresh, Isla lets out a sigh that seems to drag the tension from her shoulders. "Do you know," she says suddenly, conversationally, "I was considering living here, before you turned up."

Isla

the lullaby

"That is what I said." The Lullaby agrees sarcastically, punctuating the thought with a roll of his eyes and an annoyed huff. Stilling for a moment, Remi smiles a touch bashfully before nodding his head at Isla, his eyes falling to her cheeks. "You know...I do not believe I have ever seen you blush before. Not like that, anyway." The silvery sheen which had counted as blushing for ascended was certainly nothing like the pretty pink dusting on Isla's cheeks now, and he found it altogether endearing. Not wanting to waste another breath where he didn't tell the Ancient what he thought of her, the Lullaby lets his head loll gently to the side. "For all the times I did not say it when I should have or said it at the wrong time- " Chiefly, Remi had realized, he only told Isla she was beautiful when he wanted to fuck her. "-you are beautiful, Isla." He said, and blushed as well.

"Careful," Remi warns, making a low tcht sound in the back of his throat. If Isla thought his concern was for her, well, it obviously was, but also, "-you can kill me again, remember? Those hands of yours are lethal weapons." What makes it funny is both how true and untrue it is; baby lvl 2 Isla was just as incapable of doing any proper damage to Remi as she was capable of killing him.

"Ohho?" Following her lead, Remi lets his hand fall from around her to lay comfortably against his leg while also sighing. Glancing over his shoulder as if scrutinizing the shoreline as a potential real estate opportunity, the Lullaby pokes out his lower lip and nods. "No noisy neighbours...plenty of food around...and I have heard the island moves around and is potentially sentient, so you will always have a new view and never be alone." Remi hums cheerfully.

You trace my lines, stirring my soul
shoot sparks at the heart of the world
& I watch it explode

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

we're always running scared but holding knives

As if in response to his words - and probably something Remi knew would happen - Isla's cheeks only flush a deeper shade of pink, the Remedy glancing down and away from him as if that would help to hide it. (News flash: it does not). "Remi," she murmurs in what's meant to be a playful chastisement, but it comes out hesitantly at best. "Thank you." It's strange to receive a compliment at all when someone isn't trying to fuck her - at least, she doesn't think that's what Remi is hinting at.

The Lullaby breaks whatever awkwardness might arise as a result of going down that rabbit hole, and Isla gazes down at her hands as though they might reach for his throat at any moment. "I'm very sorry," she says seriously, gazing up and into his face, "I really don't know my own strength." The expression isn't one she can keep up for long, her lips twitching in her attempt to hide a smile, and gods but Isla doesn't remember the last time she smiled so easily.

"Mm, that sounds a lot as though it's a good place for you to live," she remarks, gesturing out at the crimson foliage that peppers the shoreline. "And it's not so much a selling point that the island tries to eat you back."

Isla