{se} I wonder if I'll ever stop wondering

Hotaru

I don’t care, I’m in love
(Stop before it’s too late)

Her chin trails after his touch like he has her on a tether, magnetized without consciously meaning to be. At least when his fingertips leave her skin he isn’t leaving her utterly bereft, his arm still wrapped around her waist.

She can’t help the way her lips twitch in an answer so natural it’s almost instinctive as that roguish, handsome grin he’d first flashed her way the day they’d met makes a reappearance. It’s as validating as each laugh and smile she has managed to encourage out of him with childish stunts and frequent visits. More than anything it makes Ru feel like maybe she is good for him, that she always was, and they’d merely lost themselves somewhere in between.

This kiss had answered one important question, but she finds she’s left with so many more in its wake. Still, all she can do is quietly laugh as he blessedly keeps things lighthearted, the gratitude thrumming strong between them from her side of the bond. The rest can be answered in time. Right now, she doesn’t want to go back to those feelings of overwhelm and panic.

“I think what I said was more of a command, so I’ll try the ‘asking’ bit next time.” Whether or not that next time should or shouldn’t happen is entirely subjective to anyone who knows them, including themselves. Sliding her hand to gently squeeze around the slope where his neck meets his shoulder, Ru lets a small tinge of apology resonate between them in deference to her words. “Sorry I dragged you out of bed for all this.” He’s welcome to leave, but she hopes that he won’t.

And I still don’t know why it’s happening
(But I make the same old mistakes)

// and i hear your ship is comin' in, your tears a sea for me to swim in
and i hear a storm is comin' in, my dear, is it all we've ever been? //

As long as it has answered her question and soothed her panic, that’s all he cares about. Himself, on the other hand, is content to simply deal with whatever came from this time stopping moment under the moon and stars. And it only grows the second that she floods the bond with gratitude and Sunjata’s roguish smile tints a bit softer when she speaks, humming a soft laugh. “Next time.” Truth be told, even if she didn’t ask or announce anything at all and kissed him, he’d find absolutely no complaints.

As for her apology, though, his head tilts slightly as she squeezes the slope of his neck and shoulder, his hand flattening around the small of her back before drifting to her side, to let his fingers run little strokes over the fabric of his own stolen shirt. “Don’t be sorry.” A repeat of their conversation in the hot springs. “I wasn’t sleeping anyway.” He tears his gaze away from her to look up at the stars, trying to pinpoint just what time it was.

“We could go watch the stars for a little bit, if you want to?” He always spent a majority of time glaring at the stars, all except for one which he’d picked to be Kamaria’s star, uncertain if it was and never willing to go and ask, he settles with using his imagination.

anchor up to me, love. anchor up to me, love. anchor up to me, love

SUNJATA

Hotaru

I don’t care, I’m in love
(Stop before it’s too late)

Neither of them seems ready - or perhaps capable of - letting go just yet, lingering in each other’s orbits. At least this way she can pretend it’s the same as before, the same as being comfortably tangled up on hot springs or in front of a bonfire. Back to the safe territory of friendship. It’s almost laughable even in her head; the idea that she won’t be laying in bed replaying this moment on loop.

She knows him too well for her brow to furrow in concern. Admittedly it’s why she’d felt confident enough to show up in the dead of night, certain he would come when she called. It’s convenient he mentions stargazing then. “Yeah, I’d like that.” Reclamation of a calmer, less frantic state of mind without delving into all the other questions that have spring up in her head. Maybe she’ll even get him to fall asleep for a bit while he has another body at his side.

Parting is difficult, but she doesn’t dwell on it. It’s understandable given the emotional wreck she’d been moments ago, she just needs to shove the rest back into the friend-shaped box they’ve built around themselves. Though she does take his hand as she goes, pulling him further into the field until a more comfortable looking patch arises. With her bare legs and loose shirt she should be cold, but the Academy blessing makes it a moot point, so she folds gracefully down to the blanket of greenery and lays down to stare up at the sky. And, given he joins her and doesn’t take his hand back, she squeezes it. Thank you for being there for me. And though her eyes don’t leave the sky just yet, the bond between them flows with appreciation and love - some potent mix of platonic and romantic that she doesn’t bother trying to separate.

And I still don’t know why it’s happening
(But I make the same old mistakes)

// and i hear your ship is comin' in, your tears a sea for me to swim in
and i hear a storm is comin' in, my dear, is it all we've ever been? //

It is a safe margin of space that they’ve chosen, but again it wasn’t meant to be rushed into. She was always there when he needed her to be, it was finally about time that he returned the favor. So his question is one that simply keeps her there longer, that doesn’t seem to suggest that he wanted to go back inside with her to his quiet bedroom that might give her other ideas. Stargazing, it was a safer option, a comfortable option, even if his relationship with the stars was broken.

They part and he feels suddenly quite cold, latching onto her hand like it’s a handwarmer he doesn’t wish to part with yet, following her easily as she picks a place with grass that seemed perfectly soft enough to settle down in – and Sunjata’s more than willing to lay down beside her, tilting his head toward her when she squeezes his hand. Of course. He rumbles down the bond, reciprocating the appreciation and love with his own – alongside an undertone of comfort in doing this right.

There still were no expectations on his end, and so long as they remained open with one another, it’s a feeling he realizes that he can get used to. Even if he struggles with what kind of conversation to have next. “I find I spend most of my nights glaring at the stars.” He starts, as he tilts his head back up to the sky above them. “Except for one in particular.”

anchor up to me, love. anchor up to me, love. anchor up to me, love

SUNJATA

Hotaru

I don’t care, I’m in love
(Stop before it’s too late)

They are not unlike two scared children who take courage from an act as simple as holding hands. Even when they have both lowered themselves down onto their backs, their hands keep them connected, linked together in the grass.

Though she had kept her eyes on the stars while thanking him, her head is the one to turn now - and it's poetic, how they don't match up, always just one of them staring from the side - and though he doesn't explain, he doesn't need to. "I planted a tree for Enzo. Sometimes it's nice to have a symbol." Although Kamaria is in the stars and gone, she isn't dead, and though it's a hollow comfort at least it's something. Looking back up at the sky, Hotaru rubs her thumb across the back of Sunjata's hand. "Maybe we can just appreciate the moon instead. Do you think that's any different?" It reminds her of her old goddess, and even if it turns out to be amidst Safrin's domain and aesthetic, nothing will change that for Hotaru.

And I still don’t know why it’s happening
(But I make the same old mistakes)

// and i hear your ship is comin' in, your tears a sea for me to swim in
and i hear a storm is comin' in, my dear, is it all we've ever been? //

His warmth radiates into her hand where they remain clasped in the grass, adjusting so that his free hand can settle behind his head to give him a bit of a makeshift pillow. He turns to look at the stars but he can feel her eyes on him, poetic in a way as he scans the sky for that star in particular while she reads between the lines as she always has.

“Mind if I steal that idea?” He asks, tilting his head to try and catch her own gaze, flashing a small smile. Kamaria wasn’t dead, but there was something that might be said for making a living thing a reminder that she was once here too.

As for the moon, he shrugs his free shoulder, humming a soft laugh. “I don’t remember the moon being too often pictured alongside her. Seems safe enough to me.” He tilts his head a bit more to watch the moon peek through the small, drifting clouds.

anchor up to me, love. anchor up to me, love. anchor up to me, love

SUNJATA

Hotaru

I don’t care, I’m in love
(Stop before it’s too late)

Though his own flashed smile is arresting, hers is soft and heartfelt. "Of course," she murmurs. "I'll even help you plant it if you'd like." It would be easy to procure a sapling for him if he desires as well. Nothing Evie couldn't help her with, the Evergreen had been the one to aid Hotaru in her search for the proper specimen for Enzo's memorial.

Shuffling closer, she doesn't let herself overthink it as she tilts her head sideways to lay her cheek against his shoulder, allowing the warmth of their bodies to mix and intensify to chase away any lingering chill from the night air. Sure she could do it magically, but let's not examine why she doesn't. Overhead, the moon is bright and large, not quite full but still brilliant enough to light up the field. "Moon it is then." Against her will she can feel her eyelids drooping, the time between blinks shortening. After a few sleepless nights his familiar scent and company ushers exhaustion swiftly back into her overtired body, something she is loathe to give into lest she waste the time they have together. "You're obnoxiously comfortable, you know that?" It's a petulant murmur, clearly discontent with the realization.

And I still don’t know why it’s happening
(But I make the same old mistakes)

// and i hear your ship is comin' in, your tears a sea for me to swim in
and i hear a storm is comin' in, my dear, is it all we've ever been? //

“I’d really like that, Ru.” He says gently, a hint of tenderness in his tone that he isn’t expecting when she catches her soft and heartfelt smile back at him. Even so, without any other words to say on the matter, the Flood simply squeezes Hotaru’s hand gently in lieu of a thank you.

But she shuffles closer and Sunjata remains exactly where he is, minus the exception of moving so that his arm can wrap around her shoulders, taking up her hand again so that her head can rest closer to his chest than against his shoulder – especially if she wishes to have the warmth of him that it seems like she craves. He certainly won’t complain, not as his eyes focus on the moon in the silence that overtakes them.

She sinks in, though, and her quiet complaint brings a rumble of amusement from him – just a gentle little sound as he squeezes her in. “It’s all the desserts I keep eating.” He says it in a whisper, as if it’s some kind of secret, before settling in and finding himself surprisingly exhausted too. It’s been hard, with Isla gone, to have to sleep in a bed alone once again. He knows he won’t stay asleep for long, but for the moment, perhaps, it might even be restful.

anchor up to me, love. anchor up to me, love. anchor up to me, love

SUNJATA

Hotaru

I don’t care, I’m in love
(Stop before it’s too late)

She’s grateful that he repositions himself if only so the tenderness in her heart and open expression can’t be easily seen upon hearing his acceptance. Deimos had asked her to be careful, guarded. She thought she was doing that. But it’s so easy, once they’ve let go of those old hurts, to find her hands - now empty - seeking his. The way their fingers are already intertwined physically only make it obvious to her that she is far from succeeding at exercising caution. How can she, when vulnerability and companionship bring her far more comfort than holding him at arms length?

Rolling her head onto his chest, she lets her hand come up to rest beside her cheek right over his heart. The sound, steady beneath her ear, only makes the exhaustion worse.

Huffing a muffled laugh, Ru slips her leg over his own to tangle their ankles, deciding if this is how and where they will both sleep - regardless of what length of time - then there’s no sense in not getting comfortable. “Wake me when you do,” she murmurs, eyes already closed, and she’s already too deep in the throes of slumber to recall all the days she used to say the same when they shared the same bed, same house, same life. It still comes naturally - as does sleeping against his side.

- Fin <3333

And I still don’t know why it’s happening
(But I make the same old mistakes)