Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
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when hope and peace begin to fray Know that daybreak is not far away
Evie can't help but agree, having been not exactly exasperated but something close to it over the lack of ongoing communication from the other regions. Though they weren't owed anything given no formal alliances between them, such things were rather lax in Caido as a whole. "I agree, especially with how little communication there is between regions regarding flora." Something Evie has been considering ways to improve upon for years upon years. However, considering she might be taking up Hotaru's Academy soon, it would have to be a dream for later in life.
Hiding her soft laugh into his bicep, Evie can't help the radiant smile on her face at the mere mention of their wedding, which seems so very close at hand now. "Oh will we? What is it? It must have slipped my mind," she teases, just as she smothers her laugh a second time into her own scarf this time as he mentions training once again. Surprise surprise.
"I think we should focus on training the Shields, and I'm happy to coordinate repairs and upgrades personally for the infirmary and the greenhouse." As the spires grow larger in size the closer they get, Evie's smile dwindles to something soft and far away. "I would still like to revive the infirmary fully or start a Guild, but Hotaru has asked me to take up the Academy. For now, fixing it up for our local healers will be enough."
Information was a wealthy partaking; something they’d once all grasped wholeheartedly through blights and wars, but seemed to diminish in the passing years. Perhaps repose had made some complacent. “Or the crash site.” He’d likely have to start penning that down again, and the furrow in his brow began again, mind churning back over to what they’d be encountering once they returned home. Nevertheless, in his same stoic entity, he’d persist in that damned stalwart determination. “We can at least record what we find,” especially in the guild journals; and there’d they be for anyone who craved them.
The mild joke had him at least thawing away from too many frown lines; snorting and shaking his head once more as she clung to his bicep. “And here I thought you were looking forward to it,” in the same teasing tongue, long strides sweeping them towards the Citadel not in a hurried step, but certainly not leisurely either. Content within the in between, peeling away political layers and antics for melded moments more. “All right, we can do that then,” confirmed swiftly, still without their Advisor, cast in his own notions about the Grounds.
The mention of the infirmary started something else though, and he could feel those rancorous, embittered edges beginning to notch their way down his spine – perhaps, in some ways, towards Ru or Sunjata or revolving turns of change that he’d always detested anyway. That the Valkyrie’s impending departure, that he still didn’t know how to feel about, had put more on Evie’s shoulders vexed him too, and he wasn’t quite certain what to do with the irritation marring the barbs in his throat. Instead, there was a long, long sigh molded within, piercing gaze flickering down to stare at the top of her head, and then tilt to see the depths of her eyes. “You do not have to take it on if you do not want to.”
what does it mean to look upon a ruin we are boneless. we are boiling hot blood.
when hope and peace begin to fray Know that daybreak is not far away
It seems yet again Halo will have to rely upon her own devices, which is disappointing but not entirely surprising. In many ways, as the current most advanced region, Evie is relieved that it will not be a burdensome task. With the Monster Hunters Guild present in their borders, any strange specimens and their reactions will be presently accounted for and investigated. No encouragement to be lazy, but it's comforting to be so certain of the diligence of the members.
Her laughter is a snickering, vixen thing, glad to be caught out and content to tease and be teased. "Perhaps I'll be more excited if you give me a preview to remind me," she entices, pulling slightly on his hand in hers as she simultaneously stretches taller, grinning lips seeking his for a kiss whether he gives it to her or not.
She can feel the way he tenses, and Evie settles back on the flats of her feet with a small, understanding smile. Part of her anticipates he disagrees because he doesn't want to accept Hotaru is leaving, but the other part suspects it has something to do with her duties. She isn't anticipating the exact angle he argues however, and she blinks, taken aback for a moment. "It's not my dream any longer," she admits, because that had slowly taken shape into the idea of a Healer's guild. "But if it strengthens our people, isn't that more important?" There's little Evie wouldn't do if it meant their citizens were more prepared for any future wars or conflicts, even putting more on her own plate.
Halo had always been an enterprising, stalwart structure; not necessarily needing nor wanting of other civilizations; a freedom all their own. Staunchly independent, it hadn’t stopped nor ceased the balance of improvement, but certainly assisted in multitudes of others. That they’d once more face semblances similarly didn’t surprise him either, but he’d keep striving and reaching out until something seemed to hit – wondering when it would be too late. Incapable of being complacent, they worked from within, battening down the hatches for whenever chaos threatened to spring.
But even in this, they took those small instances to remember they were people too, and not a collective unit of winter chisels and icy husks. He snorted at her tease and lure, wondering how far they could goad and push until something churned far too much; still, the spires were some distance away. There was a boyish inclination to let her linger there in the realms of mischief too, still and stoic, pretending not to be aware of any slights or beguiling; but in the end, she won over as he dipped his head lower, mouth sinking over hers for a longing, lingering kiss. When he pulled away, it was with a purposeful hooded expression, a smirk on his lips, and another provocation. “Enough?” He already knew the answer.
Thereafter though were tenser balms, and the emotions rumbling through his ribcage were not solid enough to give names. He understood some of their boundaries and bereavements, the way impending loss melded and molded against bones, the sounds of disappointment rattling in his heart, the echoes and pangs of Ru’s hurt and pain and anguish carved out in his marrow, and somehow fleeting in hers – as if none of them mattered. But they did to him; and maybe that was the problem. Even his words had felt strange on his tongue, an angle he hadn’t craved to grace but didn’t know where else to turn, until the sigh tensed through his frame again and he shook his head.
He hadn’t forgotten Evie’s dream – not from before – but their lives had been so quickly altered after that. “I know,” he murmured to both – never against strengthening and fortifying their world. It was everything else mustered and murky in between it, and his gaze fell on the ground, words heavy and laden on his tongue. “I apologize – I still do not know how to feel about her departure.” Because it felt selfish to be protective and irritated, to want her to be happy, and still see it plagued with so much doubt.
what does it mean to look upon a ruin we are boneless. we are boiling hot blood.
when hope and peace begin to fray Know that daybreak is not far away
There is always the potential for him to leave her hanging, to tease and exert his own mischief against hers in a battle of playful wills she’ll never tire of, but today he seems inclined to permit her the kiss she desires. It’s a lingering thing, and what had been an easy stretch onto her toes becomes a sinking of her body into his, tethered only by their intertwined hands captured between them. And if she’s a little dazed and starry eyed when he pulls away, well…that’s the outcome he should’ve expected. “I suppose,” she murmurs, as if the fake airs she was intending to put on hold any weight compared to her breathless tone and distraction.
Unfortunately, they aren’t permitted to linger in such fond and selfish airs. She doesn’t need to be Attuned to tell that the topic brings up a maelstrom of complicated emotions, and though they weren’t hurrying by any means, she slows their pace all the same so that they might have more time to work through whatever he was wrestling with.
Squeezing his hand, she smiles softly at him. “You have nothing to apologize for.” To be concerned about her own workload is an act of love, all other thoughts about Hotaru’s departure aside. “It’s okay to be conflicted. You disapprove of Sunjata, but you want her to be happy. You’ve seen her be hurt, but you trust that she’s strong. And you’ve always had her near at hand in Halo, but now she desires to leave - all of them stand against each other.” He had told her of some of it over the years, especially since she’d had to become informed on why Frey’s demigod was exiled, but Evie can’t pretend to understand the intricacies of all of it. And certainly not the depths of his relationship with Hotaru and all he might be losing with her absence and distance. “You can talk to me about it. Even just getting it out is helpful.” A sentiment he has surely heard from her hundreds of times at this point given how truly she believes it.
The Sword would hate to be considered predictable; so even in their most generous state, he still aimed to keep her wondering, elated, and wanting all at once. A sly smirk wrapped around his mouth at her murmur and airs, the breathlessness and the distracted moments, brushed aside with a wrinkle of his nose. If he wasn’t inclined to emotional upheaval in the next few moments, he probably would’ve tempted and teased again in some other manner, away and far from the Citadel armaments and onlookers.
It wasn’t to be though – not with everything else molten and ragged, the ache in his chest warranting something to name other than wallowing. Evie had far more understanding than he probably deserved, and while it eased the burden and pain, it also meant facing them directly, rather than existing along the melancholy interludes. More prone to the latter, he tilted his head, listening, drawing the grin from before into some plain frown, a long breath unfurling through his nose. She was correct on all counts; the warring semblances alternating between wishing for his family’s happiness, without losing her entirely to a man who’d once not cared how deeply he marred and wounded. “I just remember her so damaged by him.” He shook his head; the revelations so stark and deep that they’d both gone to set the Flood’s world ablaze, losing everything in the interim. “How does someone go back to a person who hurt them that deeply?” Maybe it said more about him than it did about Ru; where forgiveness drove a wedge and where he simply couldn’t fathom it.
His voice managed to gain its distinct rumble again out over her head, in puffs of warm air and sentiments turned cold. “And then she said she had hidden herself away here, and it felt like a slap in the face,” like Halo had only ever been something overbearing. “I certainly never meant to make her think she was closed off.” Hotaru had always been granted an expansive freedom – no ties, no tethers, naught but support and love and now it seemed to be chiseled away. Like somehow, in the end, his unyielding strength had been a source of exclusion.
what does it mean to look upon a ruin we are boneless. we are boiling hot blood.
when hope and peace begin to fray Know that daybreak is not far away
Her understanding will always be his in its entirety, regardless of what he deems himself to be worthy of at any given time - a notion she already handily discards most always given the way Deimos views himself - and a little patience and wisdom is far from too much to ask of her.
She lets him mull and consider, and does not interrupt when one question turns to two, a winding litany of thoughts. When nothing else is forthcoming, Evie takes her own time to consider. While she doesn't know Hotaru as a personal friend, shared time in the Grounds and in Halo - not to mention her closeness with Deimos himself - is enough to provide insight to form actual opinions from instead of conjecture.
"Because you would not go back to Amalia, would you?" It's a gentle approach, but there's no softening the reality of the words, and she keeps her hand around his comfortingly. "You can't conceive of it, so it's difficult to see the same story play out with an ending you find abhorrent - the basics, of course. Being hurt by someone you loved romantically." And while she can't say who hurt who worse between the four, she isn't sure it matters in the grand scheme of thing. Deimos could be stubborn in his outlooks, so she's not surprised he can't even imagine an alternative aside from utter disconnection. She can't even say she wouldn't do the same.
"But we also don't know their old relationship personally. To her, the good of what once was might outweigh the bad of what came to be - and might entice her to try again if it means feeling that once more." Here, Evie leans her cheek against Deimos' shoulder, pressing a kiss to the cold outer layer of his coat even if he won't feel it. "And that might just be an inherent flaw of hers. Addiction to that feeling. It might not have any deeper reasoning than the desperation to be loved - or to be loved in a specific or familiar way." Deimos had told her offhandedly about Hotaru's dates with another fellow, so she tacks on the addendum, unsure which motivation better suits the Valkyrie. She'd certainly seen enough young women in the Grounds go back to bad boyfriends just because they were familiar, scared to be vulnerable with someone new - though frankly Evie has zero experience with that concept.
As for Halo, Evie shakes her head firmly. This, she has personal experience with - though she worries it might make her own response slightly biased - and she refuses to let Deimos think it had anything to do with him. "You may have been her Warden all this time, but that doesn't mean you kept her here. If she felt confined here, it had nothing to do with you." Evie won't stand by and let him feel guilty, not for this. The ferocity of her tone fades away into silence, letting it sink in properly before she continues. "When I lived in King's End...it was healing for me. You know that." She had needed to find herself, to embrace being Abandoned no matter how horrible it felt to feel left behind by the Gods, and to learn to be Evie instead of Evie Wordsworth. "It needed to happen. I'm glad that it happened. I learned how to be truly happy, and remained that way for some time." Truthfully, she had considered never returning once she had found that peace. Why wouldn't she? "But I realized I was still hiding myself away. And I wrestled with those ideas living side-by-side for season, content, until one day I wasn't. I decided I needed to learn to be happy and around other people again." Looking up at his profile, backlit by the grey of the tundra sky, Evie tries to think of the right way to absolve him of his guilt while clarifying the hurtful words he has clearly been carrying in his chest.
"I don't know Hotaru well. I might be giving her too much credit," she jibes lightly, teasing. Evie certainly doesn't mind taking sides in this scenario, if it didn't mean having to witness Deimos being so torn up about it all. "But sometimes, hiding away from the biggest hurt is the easiest solution." One raised eyebrow makes it clear she means Deimos and his younger propensity for doing exactly that with his own emotions. "I don't think it's unrealistic to believe she was hiding away from the world and creating a safe space for herself at the same time." A space that had grown and flourished beyond the Valkyrie's expectations perhaps.
The first inquiry drew him to a sharpened height, and then a quick shake of his head, the notion incomprehensible. “I would not,” leaning over immediately to press his mouth against the crimson crown of her head. He’d been abandoned and discarded as if nothing more than a cheap piece in the name of the demigod’s growth, and the wounds it had caused had been felt for years later; scars marred, deep, bruising, lacerations coursing around the blackened portions of a frigid heart once more. It had thawed over time, healed and nurtured, but the consideration of blending himself back into her graces had never been there.
Then he listened, to each and every one of the potentials Evie granted and gave, only mildly nonplussed that it made sense in the orbit of the Valkyrie. But he had to sigh at the lengths of why Ru would sway towards the comfort and familiarity, the known affections, of Sunjata, no matter how many other suitors might have immersed themselves in her grasp. George had bored her. Others hadn’t been enough in one way or another. But the Flood always presided in some stupid amount of drama and trauma, and maybe that was what she wanted. And he could’ve grumbled and hated and loathed the very idea of it, but he couldn’t stop her, nor would try to. “Well, I still hate him,” he added mulishly, comprehending it didn’t help matters, but it kept Halo away from the fool’s clutches.
Her sharper outlook on his own residual guilt though permitted him the lightest of smiles, striving to drift away from the columns of misunderstanding, and knowing he was going to have to take another initial step, instead of pushing away or sullenly drifting apart. Thereafter though, his gaze meandered to the grounds they wandered across, pondering all the other meanings – how one could hide even in the most overt vestiges, and how he did much the same sometimes; yearning to evade by manners and matters of avoidance. He did manage to look slightly sheepish as she pointed her gaze in his direction, wrinkling his nose. “I know. But does that mean she was never happy here?”
what does it mean to look upon a ruin we are boneless. we are boiling hot blood.
when hope and peace begin to fray Know that daybreak is not far away
Evie leans into the kiss he bestows upon her, letting her smile come small and bittersweet. Though she is glad to know him so well and is proud of how staunch he is in his dedication to the idea, she will never stop wishing that the pain he experienced hadn't happened. Even if it meant an alternate ending where the two of them never came to be, his pain is hers, and she wishes she could take it from his chest and crush it in her hands like brittle twigs.
Still, she can't help a small chuckle at his petulant admission, squeezing his hand. "You are entirely allowed your hatred of him. I think Hotaru knows that too." The Valkyrie could have come to Evie to discuss lifting Sunjata's ban if she had desired to try and fight against Deimos' iron fist. Yet even with her inherently sneaky ways, Hotaru had never even shown a hint of frustration or desire to manipulate the situation despite the way it surely must have impacted her relationship with the man. "But think of it this way - what if this second chance they are trying at really does work? She will have been right to chance her heart. And while your hatred would still be valid, it would be a barrier to you being happy for her." Evie knows that relationship matters more to him than any impossible notion of forgiveness or acceptance of change on Sunjata's behalf. "Perhaps just try to pretend he doesn't exist for a while until the stability of their relationship becomes clear," she laughs, only really half-joking.
Her expression only melts further at Deimos' sheepish glance. Though it precedes a sadder inquiry, she's glad to see him working through what is without a doubt a difficult situation for him to be part of. "I don't think that at all," she assures firmly, hoping her certainty will inspire some measure of it in himself. "Hotaru was very solitary when I first met her in the Grounds, and I didn't see much difference when I met her again here in Halo. Now, I see her with Alys, Talyson, Sah, Noah, you..." she trails off, the list ever-expanding these days, and all the more meaningful for it. "Like I said, I'm not close with her. We mostly interact as teacher and student. But even I can see that she is much happier than I remember her being." And while happiness borne of shared company is not the be-all-end-all of happiness, Evie can't discount the way the Valkyrie shines amidst her Halovian fellows - and the way that glow stays with her now even when she is apart from them, when in previous years it would have faded quickly away like a solitary candle in a storm.
Had he known her innermost thoughts, Deimos would have negated the notions. His paths had been laden with pain, anguish, loss, defeat, and failure, riddled, turned, and twisted eventually with progress and mending; unavoidable, with the way Isilme and Helovia had plunged them all into myriads of miseries. Caido had been much the same, but he’d worked, healed, through each devastating, darkening blow, and while there’d been days where he’d hidden and suffered, he still wouldn’t deny the motions they waged, nor how they’d all mended and melded into these moments. Where they were, here and now. The lessons had been brutal and harsh, but survival was better, the happiness treasured, and the devotion unending. Perhaps they were braver for all of it too, to know and understand the weight of such terrors, and to try again and again and again anyway.
He snorted regardless, the pulse of her fingers persisted by his own, the seditious line to his jaw maneuvering further upwards at the mention of his contempt. Only since their latest argument did anything about his abhorrence of the fool come up, and it’d likely only erupted from Ru due to anger and hurt. There’d be no amount of convincing him anyway, not after Sunjata’s actions, and he’d likely never understand why so many others were quick to forgive and forget after the manipulations, lies, and war transgressions.
Still, the Sword listened, and probably only because it was Evie saying the words, rather than anyone else. “I often pretend he does not exist.” It’d been far easier when Hotaru hadn’t been involved with him. Perhaps, in his childish notions, there’d simply be far more targets in the barracks made in the form of the Flood. Forced to wonder if it could be successful though, the same mulish wrinkle to his nose countered, and a long, lingering sigh. “I do want her to be happy. Maybe this will be it.” Though, based on his tone and the shake of his head, he didn’t have high hopes.
Her certainty thereafter, that the Valkyrie had been content within the wild, vast world of Halo, did ease another entanglement of guilt and shame from his chest. Which was why he failed to fathom why she’d leave all of it for a man who’d up-ended her life before, but if she could take the strength her family and friends had extended, maybe the power and contentment would remain. “I told her there would always be a place for her here,” granting only a slight twitch of a smile, shoulders shrugging.
what does it mean to look upon a ruin we are boneless. we are boiling hot blood.
when hope and peace begin to fray Know that daybreak is not far away
There’s a slow thawing to his demeanor, both his upset and confusion, and Evie is glad to see clarity dawn past the trickle of permafrost. There is no easy fix to the situation, but she’s relieved that she is providing more good than harm with her insight and advice. Though she is not particularly close with Hotaru, she has been privy to years of seeing her and Deimos in the privacy of their shared home and in moments shared throughout Halo; she knows the closeness and care they exhibit would be devastating to lose for Deimos, and if she can help the threads of understanding come together to preserve it, then she will do her utmost.
“I hope so. For everyone involved.” Hotaru’s happy ending would be the best possible ending for them all, though Evie decidedly doesn’t consider the far future where notions such as weddings and children may force interaction between the two men. Nope, not her problem right now. Hopefully never, really, but Evie doubts she will be so lucky.
The return of his smile, no matter how small, has Evie returning it tenfold. “Of course there will. And I think she knows that - she’ll be attending the Academy still, which is a good sign that she wants continued involvement in Halo even from afar.” Not to mention general visits with her loved ones, though she thinks Deimos may find the Academy portion to be more concrete than theorizing on the Valkyrie’s attachments. Leaning into her fiancé, Evie squeezes his hand one more time and smiles gently. “Do you feel a little better now?” There’s no teasing undertone (mostly because she manfully resists) but Evie suspects he does. Such is the benefit of talking about your feelings.
In some portions, it already felt lost – and he didn’t quite know how to grab and mold it all back together without the gnarled and misaligned edges still there. Clarity and understandings had woven further, tied off with worlds of grief and memories that still served as harsh, unrelenting reminders. But he still sighed, loosening thousands of other breaths and chiseling away the stone threatening to mar his brow; another thing to settle upon after evenings of reflection and a less haggard outlook.
Her smile bridged hordes of other gaps though, and he began to tug her along, resolve a little steadier in the wake of the Citadel standing before them. “Maybe,” he could only respond honestly and earnestly; eyes flickering back and forth between the Evergreen and Halo. “I do. Thank you.” For all the patience, because without her insight he’d probably still be stewing back there on the tundra.
And from there, they could attend to letters and actions, so many other things shifting into place.
{FIN <3}
what does it mean to look upon a ruin we are boneless. we are boiling hot blood.
