Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
In my head I am hunting for myself but I come up empty again
Despite the teasing of her tone, he is miserable enough to believe that she's right. Remembering Sohalia's kindness is too painful, his father's kindness too paternal. Aside from Koa, he doesn't think anyone has ever exhibited this sort of insight and patience toward him - maybe it's a Carpenter thing. "You're the nicest person I've ever met, violent tendencies aside," he parrots back, unable to help the small twitch of humor at the corners of his mouth. It still hurts to feel happy, but right now it's a pleasant kind of hurt, like stretching a sore muscle. The same way it feels to squeeze her hand back, knuckles still aching beneath the surface where the waters haven't soothed.
The prospect of singing is startling, jolting him out of any mimicked suaveness he had affected. It's certainly true. His father plays guitar and had taught Jude how to sing and strum from the time he could hold it in his hands properly. That doesn't mean he thinks he's a good singer. But she had asked, sincere despite her playfulness, and part of him - wretched and hurting and broken - wants to give it to her because he'd never done it for Sohalia. "It's a repeating refrain. I didn't get much further."
It hurts all the more because the last song he'd written had been when he was still with her. Scraps of lyrics that he'd composed while getting Edmund to safety, bits of love and memory to cling to - only to finally reunite with her and have it be the end.
"I can't move 'cause she's comfortable there. Her legs tangled in mine, hands tangled in hair," he sings softly, slow and melodic, cresting just beneath the sound of the waves on the beach. "And I can't stop thinking about how nice it would be, to be bothered by your breath reclaiming mine. To wake up in the morning half-dead to you, unable to find a place to rest your arms." He keeps his eyes wide open to make sure Noe's dark hair doesn't glint gold in the dark, refusing to let the image of Sohalia asleep in bed in the morning light intrude the way it had when he'd been writing these lyrics. "I can't stop thinking about how nice it would be to be bothered by your breath reclaiming mine..." he trails off, and shrugs awkwardly, head ducked and shoulders creeping up. "It's a repeating refrain. I didn't get much further." But it would be enough to warrant 'a song', short and sweet as it was.
the night is a cavern I am underneath it, inside it, anything but free of it
Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man You did some bad things, but I'm the worst of them
"You haven't even seen my violent tendencies," Noe protested with a laugh. Still, he wasn't completely wrong. She was a Carpenter, after all, and fighting was in her blood. And, honestly, if she could get her hands on that idiotic blonde back home, she probably would default to violence. It wasn't like Sohalia didn't deserve to be kicked around a little, what with all the pain she'd left in her wake. Was it because she was pretty? It certainly couldn't be because she was smart.
But the bitter taste in Noe's mouth faded as Jude began to sing, a repeating refrain that was hauntingly beautiful, one that left her gaping at him in stunned silence. He had a nice voice. She tilted her head against her knees, watching him in the darkness as he sand, until he trailed off awkwardly and ducked his head. "It's beautiful," she said. She couldn't imagine having someone write a song just for her. Oh, sure, she'd dated here and there, but being in love? Being that in love? She'd never had that.
But gods be damned if she was going to be jealous of their so-called Heart. "You have some serious talent," she told him instead. "You should, like, start a band or something."
Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie They say looks can kill and I might try
In my head I am hunting for myself but I come up empty again
Her gaping makes him flush in the dark, hoping it's a positive thing but relatively unsure. His father has a beautiful voice, but neither Quinn has ever performed for others. Harper had even admitted he'd never sung for Phoebe or Maeve, and Jude had unwittingly followed in his footsteps. With how he feels about his dad currently - and about Sohalia - there's a strange, vicious pride that sits in his chest over breaking that curse, and doing it for someone he isn't in love with.
It's all the more fulfilling when she compliments it, though he's unsure if she means the lyrics or his voice and is too shy to ask for clarification, afraid to seem like he's fishing for compliments. "Thank you," he murmurs, smiling shy and boyish into the arms he has looped around his knees. "My dad taught me to sing and play guitar. But he doesn't sing in public, so I've never even considered it myself." Which makes a band seem quite daunting to Jude. But it had felt amazing to show off for once, to be good at something, praised for it even. Jude is good at a handful of things but none of them have ever felt worth showing off, or like they have any weight in Caido. The simple reaction he has gotten from Noe feels monumental, and his hands grip his jacket sleeves, trying to breathe through the revelation.
"D'ya think anyone would enjoy that? If I like...sang at bars and stuff?" It's a whispered question, fragile. There are always live singers on the street and in establishments both rundown and black-tie, but Jude has never imagined he could be the one doing it. "Everyone seems to care about weapons and wars and defending themselves and others...songs just seem a little silly is all." Which is why he'd never entertained them before, never let anyone else in on this private love of his.
the night is a cavern I am underneath it, inside it, anything but free of it
Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man You did some bad things, but I'm the worst of them
"Songs aren't silly!" Noe protested, stiffening as though offended. She wasn't exactly an artist - certainly not of Jude's caliber - but she had an appreciation for it all the same. [say"Songs are - songs are memories, and stories, and emotions. They can tell us about the past, or help us understand how we're feeling. Sometimes they can even make us feel less alone."
She tugged her knees more tightly to her chest, uncomfortable with vulnerability and feeling exactly that. "When my mom died, I couldn't figure out what I was feeling or why. I was sad, of course, but more than that, I was angry. And that didn't make sense to me. Like, how dare I be angry, right? Like, she didn't choose to leave us." Koa may have been closer with their mother, but the wound left behind by her absence still festered in Noe's mind, even after all this time.
"But there was this song - I won't sing it for you, if it's all the same. Not all of us are blessed with a voice like yours," she added with a forced laugh, as though to lighten the suddenly serious mood. "And it captured exactly what I was feeling. Any time I felt like things were out of control, I would go back to that song in my head, and it helped.
"Songs are just as important as weapons. Especially during a war," she said fiercely. "And people would be lucky to hear you perform." So there.
Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie They say looks can kill and I might try
In my head I am hunting for myself but I come up empty again
Jude isn't expecting such vehemence from her, and he can only sit stunned and admittedly rather in awe as she shares a rather vulnerable piece of her story with him to better show him how wrong he is. Ever the attentive listener, Jude tucks his long legs in as gracefully as he can to sit more comfortably, expression soft and understanding. He wants to reach for her, but they're still tentative friends at best, so instead he knocks his ankle against hers and leaves it there in silent connection.
"Even if you don't sing it, maybe you can find the song for me? I'd sing it for you," he offers shyly, because surely there must be some way he can pay her back for everything she has done for him tonight. Even just this - her passion, her insistent sincerity - is enough to warrant a debt to be paid. "If it wouldn't hurt to hear it again that is." Jude has always liked listening to live music, but nothing was ever as moving as his dad's quiet voice in the kitchen or on the back porch, accompanied by the slow strumming of a guitar. Jude would sit out of sight behind the doorframe and simply listen, even though he knew his dad was happy to sing both to and with him. Something about listening in and hearing how his dad sang when he thought he was alone was more meaningful. With that in mind, maybe Noe was right about the power of song. "But you'll have to be my first and only fan for a while. It'll take a while to win people over," he points out with a quiet laugh, similarly trying to lift the mood back up.
the night is a cavern I am underneath it, inside it, anything but free of it
Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man You did some bad things, but I'm the worst of them
Her vehemence and vulnerability surprised even her, and in the silence that followed her impromptu story, she found herself sitting dumbly, listening to the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. There was something about Jude that made it easy to share things that, honestly, she hadn't thought about in months, all for the sake of making him feel better. Why? Maybe it was her dislike of Sohalia. Maybe it was that Jude seemed a little bit like a kicked puppy. Either way, she was filled with an unyielding need to protect him from the world at large. And if that meant sharing a little bit of herself, then that's what she'd do.
So she nodded in response and then, realizing that he might not be able to see her in the dark, she cleared her throat. "I'll find it and let you know," she agreed. "I think it'd be nice to hear it again. Even if it hurts a little, you know?" Because she thought he might.
As for being his first and only fan, Noe knocked her ankle against his in solidarity. "Maybe not as long as you'd think," she said. "After all, people are drawn to talent." She paused. "But I'm the only person who gets to say they were your first fan." Her eyes glinted mischievously in the starlight as she grinned. "So I win."
Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie They say looks can kill and I might try
12-27-2023, 02:00 AM (This post was last modified: 12-27-2023, 02:00 AM by Jude.)
Jude
In my head I am hunting for myself but I come up empty again
She wouldn't be the first to be surprised by the easy way people open up to Jude. Jude himself can't quite figure it out, especially because he sees himself as incredibly uncharismatic. Still, he never takes it for granted, and even now smiles shyly at her as she comes down from her passionate high.
His quiet laughter is louder in the cramped space of the children's toy, but for once he doesn't cringe away from the sound of it. Noe's passion and bluntness is like a drug, and he can't even conceive of trying to convince her otherwise. Could anybody? Noe gives him the impression of a dog with a bone, and Jude would quite like to keep all his fingers.
"Okay. Then it's a deal - I play the music when you find it, and you can be my first fan." He has to grope around a little in the dark to find her hand, but he manages to wrap his pinky around her own; the vow is more fitting of a handshake, but Jude likes to think of it as a promise to be fulfilled in the near future instead. The light of the moon catches his smile, finally broad enough to show teeth, even as it highlights the smudges of residual blood on his fair skin. "Welcome to the club, Noe. Party of two." Which is double the people he had a few hours ago. That sounds pretty great to Jude.
- Fin!
the night is a cavern I am underneath it, inside it, anything but free of it
