Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
"Not yet," she admitted. Truthfully, she'd been hoping that Anju would return on her own, without the need for a search party. But it was beginning to look like they might need to locate her and bring her back - if only to put a wayward dragoon in his place. "But it might be a good idea. It's been a while since she left." Soh sighed. One more thing to add to her mental to-do list.
Harper's anger caught her off guard, and she sat back slightly, startled. Of course, he had a point, and she winced. "I didn't say he was right to keep it from you," she pointed out carefully, gently, as though soothing a wounded lion. "If I had known -" She shook her head with a sigh. If she had known, she would have told Harper immediately, but by the time she'd found out... "I thought you knew. Jude told me before..." Before we broke up. "But he said he'd gone home to Torchline, I just - I assumed he'd gone to you. I'm sorry." And though she knew he wasn't mad at her, she couldn't help but feel that she'd been in the wrong, like Koa's misstep had been her own. Gods, she needed to talk to him.
She eyed the bottle in the grass, wondering if she could get away with stealing a swig. She'd never really been drunk before, but if she was going to start, there was no safer place than with her foster father. But she couldn't bring herself to lean forward and take the bottle from him. "Then I'll be in good company," she said of Jude's hatred, a sad smile playing on her lips. Then it faded. "You should do what's best for you," she advised. "If you could do anything in the world - not for me, or for Jude, or for anyone else - just for you. What would it be?"
I stood outside when the roof gave in You crawled from the wreckage you were lying in
This time it's his turn for shame to overtake his features, glancing away from her open and honest expression. "I'd already left Torchline by then," he murmurs. "By time he came home, I was gone." And it's proof that the lesson he'd taught her when she and Jude first had their difficulties is true regardless of age - that intent would not always be enough to stop from accidentally hurting someone. "I'm the one who has something to be sorry for. Not you." At least not about this. She would've had no way of knowing what Jude would be coming home to.
He turns sad eyes her way, wanting to object that Jude surely must not hate her, but given how little he knows of the situation he can't say that with certainty. They are both young, and the first heartbreak was often the hardest. "And you would still have me there, despite my previous dealings with Koa? Despite being of no use to you?" Because as she asks him what would make him happy, he can only smile sadly and shrug, loose with alcohol but not exactly graceful. "Leave. Sleep and dream forever. I don't know, sweetheart. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. At least before I abdicated, Torchline gave me purpose to fill that hole." Both hands open, fingers splaying wide in a gesture of helplessness. "That's why I've been doing this. Carnal pleasure is the closest mimicry of happiness a body can know." And it stops him from feeling so goddamn lonely. Lonely in a way his children can't fix.
YOU'RE OUT OF REACH AND WE'RE OUT OF TIME You hold my hand and pull me down with you
Her heart went out to Harper - and, by extension, to Jude. She cringed to think of him leaving her apartment, heartbroken and alone, to find Harper gone. For her to have spoken with Harper before his own son. Guilt swarmed her, and she fought past the lump in her throat to shake her head vehemently. "Everyone has something to be sorry for," she said. "I think it's just human nature." Harper had left. Soh had broken Jude's heart. And Jude? What did he have to be sorry for, except being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Except for trusting the wrong girl with his heart?
Gods, what she wouldn't give to go back and be the right girl, even though she knew she couldn't.
"Of course I would," she said with conviction. It didn't matter that Jude would hate her even more, that it would likely cause even more political drama, that it would further complicate things with Koa. "I'm not even sure how I feel about Koa," she admitted, shaking her head with a sigh. "I like him more than I should, but it's not that simple anymore. There's so much more at stake than just my feelings." Like politics.
"Anyway, I'm not asking you to be "of use." I'm just - offering you a place to go, if you get tired of King's End. No strings attached." She met his eyes, then added quietly. "You don't have to be doing something to be worthy of a life that feels good to live. Even if you don't know what that is yet."
I stood outside when the roof gave in You crawled from the wreckage you were lying in
It's such a similar sentiment to the one he'd given her the night she and Jude fought that Harper can't help but huff a small, bittersweet laugh. Humanity seems overrated right about now.
Her vehemence is not unsurprising for a young woman her age, but it means the world all the same that she believes it so thoroughly. Few in his life - he's not dramatic enough to say none - have ever seen past what he could do for them to instead desire his mere presence. Still, it makes him smile slightly to hear her devolve into muttered considerations over her relationship with Koa. Despite her title and responsibilities, she is still just a nineteen-year-old girl.
Folding her into a hug, one hand comes up to gently cradle her head, looking out over the barrows behind her as he lingers in the moment. "Thank you, sweetheart." Pressing a kiss to her crown, he squeezes her gently. "I think I might just take you up on that." If he can get his shit together for long enough to face the prospect of a real future instead of chasing numbness at the bottom of a bottle. The idea is still daunting - he isn't sure he's ready to start living again so soon after deciding to stop. But maybe this is just another time in his life where he has to push on. Surely if good things like his children are any proof, there would always be good to outweigh the bad.
- Fin <3
YOU'RE OUT OF REACH AND WE'RE OUT OF TIME You hold my hand and pull me down with you
