silver flames

Maea

Rest against my pillow
like the aging winter sun

Accepting an outstretched hand was not always the safe thing to do. Hovering in silence while Alys shared a tidbit of her life, Maea merely listened. Her expression remained remote and difficult to read, but her eyes... they kept watching, attentive and wary, considering the points made. Giving away nothing of the conclusions the woman drew from them.

In the end, Maea remained unsure of what the options were. Somehow they had reached a crossroads where she had to make decisions. Sharing her own story would be the obvious choice, but the idea of explaining her decisions and opening the can of worms that was her reason for making choices had her sweating with unease. Right here, in the street, with a stranger? No thank you.

"And sometimes our actions are entirely our own, and we're left to live with the consequences," she countered, trying and failing to hide the tension building in her spine. Growing defensive, because opening up meant having to face the pain of her past. "Walking away from someone who is causing you discomfort and grief could save your life." She had learned that only when it was too late.

Holding out the dead crow towards Alys as if making a point, Maea fixed her eyes on the younger woman. "You want to know why I really killed this bird? Because it seemed less troublesome than killing you. The weight of your lives weighed equal to me and yet I chose the bird because I didn't want to deal with the aftermath of murder."

Ice was creeping in on her heart, turning her voice crisp. While not strictly true, there was no explaining the anguish she felt of even contemplating such a bloodbath. Learned morals and instincts clashed, fighting for dominance... and today the voice of reason had come out on top. But what about tomorrow? What about a week from now, or a year?

"You are very noble for wanting to give everyone a fair chance. I commend that, truly. But are you really prepared for what it might entail to approach some people?"

What if Maea was scared too? What if she wound up hurting more people before she got to know her new self? It could go so very wrong, and there would be no one to blame but herself. Because her choices had led her here - hers, no one else's. And she didn't know if she had the strength, the dicipline necessary to contain the new urges.

Only wake each morning to
remember that you're gone

You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole

For some reason, Alys hoped that she could win the Ancient over, if only to pay forward the kindness that she had been shown in her life beyond the Hollowed Grounds. Alas, it was not to be; the seer could practically watch the walls rising around Maea. She swallowed her disappointment.

But when the Ancient revealed that Alys might have been on the menu, the woman's eyes widened. She'd been afraid - of course she had. She was well aware that she was small and weak, and she'd heard rumors of the bloodlust of the Ancients. But to know and to know were two different things, and she found that the knowledge that she could have died today was a bit more than she could bear.

Death had never scared the seer, but things were different now. She had friends. She'd found her family. And they depended on her just as much as she depended on them. A shiver ran up her spine at the thought of how close to death she'd apparently come.

"It's worth a shot," she argued, but she wasn't sure she meant it; she'd never willingly risk herself, not when she had so much to live for. She swallowed hard, looking away. "I guess I'll... leave you to your meal." And she took a step away.

And convinced yourself that
It's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore

Alys

Maea

Rest against my pillow
like the aging winter sun

There was no satisfaction in seeing the woman's face pale. Perhaps if she truly had wanted to drive Alys away, Maea could have taken some pleasure in seeing her point hit home. As it was, a hollow weariness was all she got out of it. Alys backed away, and the clawed hand carrying the crow fell down to Maea's side as though invisible strings had been cut.

She wished she had been exaggerating. She wished the danger wasn't so real. She wished for a great deal of things, but that didn't make them come true. Maybe it was worth a shot - but until she knew for certain that she understood the risks, Maea wasn't willing to invite anyone into her life. She couldn't protect them, couldn't swear they would be safe.

"Alright. As you wish," she replied, softer this time. "Safe travels. It was nice talking to you."

Accepting the choice Alys made was a breeze. A relief, really; it was easier to be left alone. Maea kept telling herself that as she too turned away, and went to retrieve her luggage. The flour was wet, and the contents of the basket had gone soggy, and her stomach churned with hunger and disappointment. Wasted effort, wasted resources - wasted opportunities all around, and the day wasn't even through yet.

At least the weather was nice. Ha.


{Fin}

Only wake each morning to
remember that you're gone