Such sweet sorrow

Some people were going to get a letter. Some people weren't even going to get that much. But there were a couple of people who he needed to talk to in person, and somehow Sah was near the top of the list.

It was a funny old world sometimes, wasn't it?

But funny or not, Tal found himself standing outside the hunter's house a little while after dinner time, a bottle of whiskey in one hand and the other resting on Boreal's horned head. The dragon crooned, a reassuring rumble of sound as she leaned against his hip, and then pushed his hand towards the door.

Tal swallowed and then lifted his knuckles to knock on the wood, his own voice gruff as he called through the door: "Hey, Jester. Are y'home? Got some news t'share."

Sah

Sah

Opening the door, Sah's brow rose. The uncharacteristic tone of voice, the surprise visit, and a bottle of whiskey. Stepping back he opened the door further, "Come on in, Errand Boy." His tone was nearly gentle as he scanned the courier for any injuries. Worry sparked in him even as nothing seemed to be physically amiss.

Gesturing for Tal to sit at the table, Sah quickly retrieved two shot glasses. After pouring them both a drink, he nudged one over to the courier and sat across from him. Feeling their bonded's distress, Lilly and Pad emerged from deeper into the house While Pad stood in the doorway to the kitchen, Lilly came over with a soft whine and placed her head on Tal's leg.

"I'm listening." Sah softly prompted but made no move to push or pry Tal further.

I think therefore I am,
But what if all I do is bleed?

No injuries, no, but Tal's steps were slower than usual as he slipped in the door and shed his boots and coat on the hook. He took his seat without quip or resistance, nodding to Sah as he handed over the whiskey and the drinks were poured. Lifting his between two fingers and a thumb he peered into the amber depths as if they held the right words to break the ice.

But, hail, the alcohol never had before, and it didn't seem like it was going to start today.

Boreal watched him with bright, pale eyes until Lilly distracted him, and then the dragon ambled over to plop down next to Sah, leaning against his hip with a quiet, reassuring rumble. The white wolf's presence, so like his sled dogs but wiser than even Bella's cleverness, drew a hiccup of wry laughter from Tal as he looked down at her and then stroked her head fondly, letting his fingers find the itchy spots behind her ears and at the back of her head.

"Have, uh. Have y'seen Ru lately?" he asked first, trying to figure out how much of the tale was his, and how much belonged to another.

His whiskey remained untouched.

Sah

Sah's alarm grew when the shot remained untouched. He refrained from drinking his own, his gut saying he needed to be fully sober for whatever was coming. Of all of the things that could have come out of Tal's mouth, Ru's name was not what he was expecting. The shock of alarm that went through him had the Abandoned's eyes widening.

"Recently, yes. She told me about her future plans. Is she ok? Did something happen?" He kept his tone measured even as his whole body tensed, as his mind went to the worst-case scenario. Memories of Aino's loss rushed him. Having to drag himself, still in shock, to tell Cordelia haunted his nightmares. He'd lost his sister that day and he'd nearly lost his cousin to her grief and rage.

I think therefore I am,
But what if all I do is bleed?

"She's fine!" Tal hurried to assure the hunter, gaze snapping up to meet Sah's even though the other man's voice remained calm. They'd known each other too long for him to miss the tension in it, and their shared friendships made for shared worries in these unsettled times. "Just finishin' things up afore she moves t'King's End."

He drew in a deep breath, holding it until his chest hurt before he exhaled, closing his eyes before he met his friend's gaze again. "An' I've decided t'go with her. Leastways for now. What with one thing an' another... well. It's more'n one reason, but... yeah. I figured y'deserved t'know straight from me, at least." He set his shot glass down on the table, trying to ignore the faint tremble that sent ripples across the whiskey's surface. "So, uh. I know better'n t'ask if y'want t'come with us," he offered, trying to turn it into a joke, weak and anxious. "But I guess th'offer stands anyways."

Sah

Sah relaxed marginally, "Then, what's wrong?" He didn't have to wait long for Tal to tell him. The Wild Thunder's eyes widened, all barriers down as he quietly asked for confirmation, "You're leaving too?" He couldn't stop his face from twisting into something like grief.

Taking a shaky breath he reached over and gently took Tal's hand to stop the shaking, focusing on his concern for the man and not his emotions. Swallowing he nodded, "Ok. You're right that I can't leave. But I'll visit. Every Deepfrost or more often." He'd known that things had been tense in Halo for a while now for the courier. His leaving with Ru shouldn't have been a shock, but it was.

Sah had chosen to side with the old gods for the people he loved. Actively fought in the war to protect them and Halo. He stayed for them. Fought for them. Yet so many of them kept leaving. Leaving him. They were enough to make him stay. So why wasn't he enough? Was there something wrong with him? Something he wasn't giving them that they needed?

He did his best to hide these thoughts from the man in front of him but he was sure some fragments of his emotions were on his face. Lilly whined softly and burrowed further into Tal's side. Hugging him because both she and her bonded wished to.

I think therefore I am,
But what if all I do is bleed?

Ah, shit. The look on Sah's face was exactly what Tal had been afraid of and he swallowed hard against the lump of guilt in his throat. His sisters had taken it pretty well; it wasn't like he was around much anyways, with the courier business keeping him moving. But he knew how much Ru meant to Sah, and... well. Maybe him, too.

The hand on his was a surprise at first, but Sah's support and his assuring words took the tremble out of Tal's fingers and for a moment the courier started to relax, expression beginning to lighten.

But the Wild Thunder wasn't any better at hiding his expression than Tal was. Not from each other. Not anymore. And the courier released his shot glass to flip his hand over so he could squeeze Sah's hand instead. "Hey. Hey. Whatever you're thinkin' - stop it." His other hand slid down to rub Lilly's shoulders, fingers scratching under her thick coat. "I'll still be comin' back here every couple o'weeks on my delivery route. You'll barely know I'm gone." Meanwhile, Boreal eeled around behind Sah's chair and rose up on her hind legs, her foretalons resting on the back of the chair so she could curve her wings forward and partially around him, crooning her love and reassurance. "But I meant it. I do want you t'come with us--" and pride be damned, he didn't even pretend to joke this time. "Hail, we really need you, Sah. King's End is a lot wilder'n Halo is anymore. An'... it won't be th'same without you nearby." And if his ears and the back of his neck were turning a little red, well, there was nothing he could do about it while both his hands were busy holding on to two people he had, somewhere along the line, come to dearly love more than he dared to admit.

Sah

Sah blinked, Tal snapping him out of his spiral. He squeezed the courier's hands in return, even as he leaned back into Boreal's hold. "Ok." The word was squeezed out of a tight throat, even if it was tinged with relief. Lilly twisted and licked Tal's fingers in gratitude as she felt her bonded's grief settle. That grief was quickly swamped with something bright and warm.

Letting out a light chuckle at Tal's red ears, Sah smiled gently. "I know. I need you both too." Ru had been his for some time now. His family, his pack. A cherished loved one whom he trusted with his life and the lives of his pups. He'd made her their godmother for a reason. Tal though. Tal and Boreal had crept their way in and now the Wild Thunder couldn't imagine life without them. The petty and possessive jealousy that he'd once held regarding Ru and Tal's relationship had vanished as well. Why would he feel that when they were both now?

Sah's brow pinched, "But I can't up and leave Halo. Not right now. And not without Soleil and Luka." He gave Tal's hand another squeeze, "But I'll talk to them."

I think therefore I am,
But what if all I do is bleed?

For once Boreal didn't try to cover Sah in slobbery kisses, settling for resting her chin on his head as she continued her soft, reassuring rumbling in counterpoint to the conversation that began to flow again. Tal risked a glance away from the hunter as he seemed to ease a little so he could flash Lilly a fond little smile at her kisses, shifting his attention to scratching under her chin and trying to ignore the betraying flush that darkened his brown skin.

His smile widened a little, becoming a crooked grin at Sah's answering honesty, though he pretended the expression was mostly for the wolf. His other hand remained firmly in his friend's, however, and he didn't attempt to retrieve it. On the contrary his fingers flexed subconsciously, giving Sah's a light squeeze at the admission. After all their years of rivalry and arguing and hiding behind booze and LongNight it was a little surreal to be saying what they actually meant, but it was a little bit of a relief, too.

Not that he expected anything to really change between them after this. Just because they were saying the silent parts to each other for once, it didn't alter how fun their rivalry could be. Sah was like the little brother he'd never had but always kind of wanted in his house full of sisters, and he could love the infuriating, loyal, reliable mage and still want to push his face into the snow sometimes.

"Sol's gettin' old enough, she might strike out on her own soon," Tal warned him ruefully."She's been workin' hard in that Adventurin' Guild. But there's no rush. Alys an' I have t'build our house an' shops first. Once we've got that sorted y'can come visit. An' who knows what weird shit'll come up in Longheat?" He did his best to put all his reassurance into his words and voice, and into the hand rubbing Lilly's chin.

Sah

Lilly wagged happily at the attention, her eyes closing with bliss as Tal scratched her chin. This conversation wouldn't outwardly change anything between them. But internally Sah could practically sense the metaphorical threads binding the two and their companions, every tighter. It'd been so long since the Wild Thunder had had someone, he could actually call his best friend. Not since before coming to the Caido at least. Though he'd probably never admit it to Tal that the courier had taken won the title.

Sah grimaced, "I know. I won't be surprised if she eventually moves to Torchline." He reluctantly let go of Tal's hand to take a sip of his drink, his other hand reaching up to give Boreal's horns a good scratch. Eyes returning to Tal he chuckled, "I'm sure Longheat will bring some form of madness. New seasons in Caido always do."

I think therefore I am,
But what if all I do is bleed?

From having 'friends' who were merely kindly acquaintances he only saw a couple of times a year to having a whole damn pack of people who were practically family, that he relied on and fought with and played with and missed when he was on deliveries, his life had changed drastically in the last three years. It was hard to believe, and he still woke up in the middle of the night sometimes thinking that Sah and Ru and Soh and Alys were just a wonderful dream that would be gone in the morning.

And every time he woke up in the dawn to realize they were real and he was so damn lucky that not all the prayers in the world could thank the gods enough for his good fortune.

He'd rather eat his own boot before he admitted to Sah that the man was more like a brother to him, of course. Or at least, that's what he'd thought before today. Maybe some day he'd muster up the courage to tell the Wild Thunder how he felt...

But Sah returned to his drink and Tal did, too. Their handclasp broke and so did the moment, and the courier cleared his throat self-consciously as he retrieved it. Boreal just rumbled happily as she was scratched, finally sliding back down to the floor now that the boys had calmed down.

"Oh, well. We'd get bored if it always stayed th'same," Tal agreed ruefully, raising his glass to toast his friend before tossing the drink back and settling in to catch up on how the pups - no longer quite so small - were doing these days.

~Fin~