From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
I know they'll be coming to find me soon But I fear I'm getting used to being held by you
In her final hours in Halo, Hotaru rolls up her sleeves and sets to work doggedly repairing and coordinating aid. She hasn't slept much since the meteor hit. She doesn't particularly care. With Flora safe and accounted for, she tries to assuage her guilt by pulling more than her weight around Halo in the aftermath as if trying to prove to herself that distance and citizenship mean nothing, and that she will always be here to help. Though Deimos' letter had mended the rift in her heart, the accusations in her head had taken on her own voice, and now she can't stop doubting herself.
While the infirmary is being repaired and until the Palace is fully outfitted, the Academy can easily host any stragglers from outside the Citadel who may have lost their homes - if not their lives. With Evie manning the infirmary efforts, Hotaru is outside the Academy clearing away debris into a pile and helping to guide people inside, answering any questions thrown her way despite the multitude of students on standby helping citizens get sorted in rooms. The split focus does nothing to slow her down, utilizing strength and magic alike to get everything sorted as quickly as possible.
I used to sing about being free Oh, baby, look what you've done to me
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
The weight of exhaustion contorted around the eaves of his spine and he ignored it. There were far more needs than his own comfort and repose, and half the time he worried if he closed his eyes something else would occur – another horrendous dream sounding the alarm, another blast echoing through ear drums, another crescendo come to doom them all.
Dragging another sled full of wood, he could feel Zuriel’s horn at his side, taking the edge off the grinding onslaught of beckoning slumber, and with a shake of his head he persisted down the lane, blending and bending amongst the others doing much the same. The shock and awe had lessened, but not the necessities and requirements of aid; and Halo bravely continued, stalwart and determined.
So when he saw Ru’s familiar head nearby, it took him more than a second to blink, comprehend, and dread; immediately thinking of shying away, duck his skull downwards and edge onward. His letter had gone unanswered, and so he pried that primordial knot over his chest and scalding through his lungs, pondered further weight over his shoulders. Instead, his jaw clenched, and from a few yards away, the gravel and rumble of his tones echoed along the pathways. “Hey,” jutting his jawline towards her, and not stepping any closer. “Do you need anything?”
I know they'll be coming to find me soon But I fear I'm getting used to being held by you
His letter had gone unanswered only because it had kept Hotaru hunched over her desk wiping away tears each time she tried to answer it. Though it had been their downfall initially, she'd been determined to give him his response in person before she departed - but now, those thoughts are far behind her, only resurfacing when she grabs and throws a broken board into the pile of detritus nearby and catches sight of Deimos heading her way.
While he hesitates, Hotaru does not. Dropping the other board in her hand to her feet, she crosses over it swiftly and reaches to bring him into a tight, desperate hug. It feels ridiculous to worry about people like Deimos and Sunjata given all their might and power, but she mumbles a quick prayer of gratitude to Frey all the same before she lets him go. "I was coming to find you when it hit," she murmurs, the awkwardness of a letter unanswered now creeping in on the Valkyrie. Clearing her throat, she gestures at the Academy. "While Evie's working on the infirmary, we're using the Academy as I'm sure you know. Do you have a moment to help a little with the debris? It's making the pathway harder for the injured." It's perhaps unfair to ask, because she knows he will say yes, and hopes it will grant her time to path and mend the fissures between them.
I used to sing about being free Oh, baby, look what you've done to me
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
For half an instant, he wondered if she’d come over to hit him. There’d already been enough armaments slung their way, and in the level of exhaustion and consternation, the primordial dread began to take over – his eyes narrowing until her arms reached around his chest. For a moment more, he blinked slowly, before releasing a breath, dropping the sled’s string, and taking hold of her too, dropping his jaw on top of her head as a sign of sibling irritation and a moment of respite.
She was all right, and that was all that mattered for these miniscule snippets of time.
His gaze flickered to her as she moved away, at the murmur, at everything else left unsaid. When nothing else was stated, save for explaining the chaos and disarray, his jaw clenched and he glanced off into the distance, fighting back another onslaught that threatened an arsenal of his sanctities. The exhaustion tumbled its wake through his soul, and he fought it, because he was certain that was the reason for all these tempestuous edges. So he nodded, acting on muscle memory and fumes, for the cause and plight of many. “Sure.” Placing the sled off to the side and out of the way, he began moving for the debris, ignoring Zuriel’s eyes on his back – but then the unicorn shifted them directly upon Ru.
I know they'll be coming to find me soon But I fear I'm getting used to being held by you
He embraces her in turn, quelling fears he had not been alone in feeling. So seldom do they fight - standard sibling bickering aside - that such breeches and tears in the patchwork of their relationship can be overwhelming to Hotaru, a fear as old as her soul whispering that this will lead to yet another abandonment, that no level of love is ever enough to ensure she can't drive them away by simply being herself.
She is grateful when he agrees to help, if only because it is a poorly concealed plan to keep him nearby long enough to apologize. Zuriel's insistent gaze, stern and judgmental, is not unwarranted - perhaps her transparency is less reliable given how they are at odds. So she wastes no time in using perhaps a little too much magic to shove debris to the side in one fell swoop to step closer to him. "Your letter meant a lot," she murmurs, fighting her cowardice to look him in the eyes. "I often hide behind my words on paper, so I wanted to tell you directly that I'm sorry too." It comes out in a rush, clearly scared he will dismiss her for having waited too long, for not fixing this before everything else came tumbling down. "I love you, Dei. More than anything - more than Halo. You are home to me as surely as Halo will always be. And I'm sorry if that was ever in question." And, trying to extend an olive branch, Ru holds out her hand near his, clearly wanting to take it but allowing him to decide whether to go the remaining distance or not.
I used to sing about being free Oh, baby, look what you've done to me
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
They could parallel one another in the number of souls gone and abandoned – and he knew a portion of his discontent had been just that: the fear of losing another. That it had been someone despised on the other side had only rankled edges further, until trepidation turned to anger and courted multitudes of misunderstandings. And he wasn’t someone to beg, to unfurl waves of selfishness, to ask and crave them to stay, even if the emotions flooded the overburdened portions of his heart. He’d always let them go, and presumed, perhaps rightly so, that he’d never been enough for them to stay.
So he penned a letter when the words and wounds had subsided, when other phrases and attempts had been extended, and wisdom granted from those far more capable than himself. It did not mean the Sword fully understood the complexities, but he’d tried to launch over more than just his bias and spite; a difficult notion even on his best of days. And maybe he was grateful for the silence, for opportunities to see her alive and well, and he should’ve merely reveled in that instead of every other painful nuance circumventing between them.
His hands maneuvered debris and tossed it to a nearby pile, keeping the restless and exhausted coils of his soul from fettering into pieces. Her murmur surprised him briefly, enough for his head to raise and eyes motion in her direction, pausing momentarily into stillness. Then there were more words echoing throughout, and her statements ached in his soul, brushing right alongside hordes of queries he wouldn’t permit to extend along the merest thought.
Instead, one hand went to press against his brow, concealing the emotion outwardly as best he could. You are so much more than what you are wandering towards he wanted to say to her – to remind her that there was nothing she couldn’t do, to not settle into wakes and walks with a fool, but they relented as soon as they sparked. “I did not want to lose you too,” finally found its way to his mouth, in a quiet rumble, Zuriel snorting loudly nearby. An admittance, however painful, as his downcast glance found her hand, and his fingers followed suit.
I know they'll be coming to find me soon But I fear I'm getting used to being held by you
There is much to be said for the way they mirror one another, and how hard they are both trying to bridge the gap, purely out of love. She sees how hard he is trying. She knows how difficult it is for him to understand her decisions, and to put aside his own grudges when neither of them are known for that. That he is doing it for her is enough to earn her forgiveness, plain and simple, and she hopes he will feel the same in return.
His fingers intertwine with hers, and she takes that as confirmation of exactly that. A swell of emotion has her squeezing tight the moment their hands properly interlock, lending heart and vitriol to her immediate, instinctive response. "Never," she vows. "You could never lose me, Dei. Not even if I moved to the opposite side of the world, or into space, or fell through another portal." Gods permitting those extremes will never be realized, but perhaps it needs to be said anyway. Maybe she needs to say the words instead of assuming he understands the depths of her devotion, the same way she has had to learn to do with Sunjata. "I love you. You're my brother, and there is nothing you could do to chase me away or lose my love." He could lose her respect, her geniality, her support - but never her love. Even in the darkest imagined scenarios of how they could hurt one another and become different, unrecognizable people, he would never lose her love.
"I didn't stop visiting and stealing your food when Evie moved in, so don't expect anything to change just because I'm the one moving houses, okay?" Her eyes are watery and bright, and her lips tremble slightly as she tries for a smile, but she tries to lighten the mood in what little way she can with so much devastation weighing in on their shoulders that has nothing to do with the personal repairs they are trying to make.
I used to sing about being free Oh, baby, look what you've done to me
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
The Sword had once lived amidst his grievances, umbrages, and resentments like an abhorrent king; used their roots, their follies, their dissatisfying measures to sate the aversion, animosity, and antipathy in his blackened, soulless heart. It could’ve been much the same here, driven into enmity by all the wrongdoings and harsh pathways, the vengeful tactics, the rush of rancor. Had it not been for friends, for love, for reaching new heights in growth and understanding, he probably would’ve done just that – been a seething, sinuous, savage mongrel across the ages and worlds and timeframes. For now, his enemies and adversaries were treated with disdain, aloofness, and nonchalance; the best and only offerings he’d preside in the quiet lance of so many other wakes. Maybe one day he’d realize they didn’t even deserve that.
Fingers wove and a breath was cast loose from his chest, eyes darting back to hers, striving to find the roots and shoots and leaves of meager saplings and offerings. The word never gripped him tighter, because he knew sometimes that word had no true bearing and had been victim to it before – how often promises were tossed aside. His brows furrowed, mind fumbling through the circumstances, pledges spiraling and sitting on the fringes.
A part of him, maybe petulant, maybe juvenile, maybe still stuck in the ways he’d been abandoned before, urged to say that it wasn’t true. That if he sought her out of the Halo crowd she wouldn’t be there, and if they went marching to the spa she wouldn’t be there, and if they were clustered in devastation she wouldn’t be there – too far away and gone and –
He gripped harder than necessary, but leaned into it all the same. Maybe he’d relied on her too much. Maybe he’d taken so many things for granted. Maybe he cared and that wasn’t enough, and he wasn’t sure when it would or could be. He wanted to utter things like please do not make promises you cannot keep, but he craved and yearned to believe too – and perhaps that was better than always presuming it would all fall apart.
He lifted his free hand and dashed away at something in his eye. “Okay,” he uttered at first, brain incapable of forming much else in the interim – save for the reality twisting and turning under his soul. “You will not me lose me either.” He’d never been the one to leave – but maybe she needed to hear it too.
I know they'll be coming to find me soon But I fear I'm getting used to being held by you
His hand does not hurt her, even with the unnecessary pressure that she meets just as firmly. He's not the only one uncertain and wary of making promises, but Hotaru has spent too many years bitter and jaded over unfulfilled vows. She may yet fall short, may fail. That doesn't mean she cannot still promise that which she truly means - and hopes - to actualize.
He's not the only one who has to quickly wipe at their eyes, though Hotaru is glad neither comments on the need to do so. She does need to hear it too, even if it forces a few more tears out that she has to hastily scrub away. "You could at least say you love me back," she laughs thickly, shaking her head slightly to hide for a moment longer how red her eyes are. "I even gave you that big speech." As if she needs to hear it when she can sense it in the words he already has said, but perhaps a little humor will help them move gracefully past this uncharacteristically emotional moment.
I used to sing about being free Oh, baby, look what you've done to me
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
He was not an overt fan of sentimentality; had learned to mask and shun away from it for lifetimes, and even in the charitable run of family, friends, and loved ones, too much threatened something he couldn’t quite name. So it was a return to humor instead, a way to crack and funnel their way through a return to normalcy. “Not if you demand it,” he snorted, huffing boyishly and indignantly all at once; a moment of airs and pretenses. He released her hand, intending to return to maneuvering amidst the rubble and debris, pretending not to see her forlorn emotions either. Another wipe of his eyes ensured his had dispersed, and another long breath stilted and slowed through his chest.
Picking up a piece of broken, decrepit wood, he tossed it within the sled. Zuriel snorted nearby, clearly unimpressed with everything, but gave no other hints of her semblances. By then he’d permitted a gesture of routine strikes and edges, glancing at her from the corner of his eye, arched brow and juvenile antics beginning their brief sojourn. “Besides, I gave you the letter first.” Outlined emotions – pieced and cobbled together from multitudes of parchments and papers until it had sounded right and true and exactly what was necessary.
I know they'll be coming to find me soon But I fear I'm getting used to being held by you
Humor is exactly what she needs right now, no matter how tentative, and her laughter is warm and relieved as she plays into it. "I'm always demanding, it's part of my charm." As cheeky and innocent as any precocious baby sister ought to be despite the persistent shine of her eyes. Hastening to usher that away as well, Ru follows Deimos' lead and begins cleaning more of the debris away.
"You did," she agrees readily, the memory of those words inscribed into her mind's eye. She will allow him the victory this one time. Any other and she would have wheedled, harassed, and bartered; this time, it's more than enough to know that she is loved. That he is still here, and she is still here, just as she had promised she would be. As she always will.
- Fin <3
I used to sing about being free Oh, baby, look what you've done to me
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
