From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
And I only needed one more touch Another taste of devouring rush
Slashing her tail after its light beating, the blue-striped tigress yielded the lead to her senior with a good natured chuff, that faded into silence when the prowling began in earnest. While the tiger knew what to do, the mind of the woman did not; mimicking Isla at least helped her stay quiet and on a low profile.
The scents in her nose were a jumbled mess. Earth, grass, green plants, the dry heat in the wind and a multitude of fragmented traces spread out like a tapestry of puzzle pieces, the picture distorted in a lack of context. The deer stood out like a path of crimson against the rest, fresh and close; her muscles twitched with the urge to surge ahead and give chase, yet part of her remained uncertain. Struggling with giving in to the urge, hesitating to yield any form of control over herself - be it to drink or fight or fuck, or indeed to the Bloodlust.
What if she lost herself? What if she never came back? What if, when she did, it was to find herself standing in the ashes of all the things she'd ruined all over again? Unaware, unhinged, unable to undo?
Her steps faltered, and the distance between herself and the other tigress grew little by little.
But the room was so quiet Whose side am I on?
Base by Skylark, Art by Midjourney
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Lost for a time in tracking the deer, only when Isla spots it in the distance (and she's practically flat in the long grass at that point) does she realise she's almost lost her hunting partner. Ears swivelling as her head turns, she spots Maea having dropped back and forces herself to abandon the hunt momentarily to check on her.
Creeping back through the undergrowth, now it's Isla's turn to offer an affectionate headbutt, silently offering reassurance and simultaneously asking what the problem is. For now, at least, their prey is obliviously munching on fresh grass; a stag, it seems content to rove the plains alone. More fool it, given enough time and two hungry tigers.
And I only needed one more touch Another taste of devouring rush
The blue-striped tigress arched her neck into the touch and pressed her brosd head against Isla's, grateful to be noticed in her struggle. The storm was entirely internal, tangled threads of worry, hunger and unease that had nowhere to go and seemingly no resolution. Trying to convey any of it only resulted in a long mournful sigh as she met Isla's gaze, something wounded and fearful simmering deep in the golden irises.
Really, it was the kind of subject she should have brought up before they started hunting. Except Maea had no more clue how to express it in words than she did now, and so shifting back to talk felt pointless. The scent of the deer tore at her nose, causing the hunger to mount little by little - and with it the anxiety rose in turn, causing an acrid scent of fear to mingle with her own scent.
Maea didn't know what to do. Kneading the earth as tremors worked through the tense body, tearing up the top surf with her claws with the tail snapping furiously, her body and mind kept screaming at her to let go and give in to the red-tinted urges, the lustful needs, the violent tendencies that felt so very much like insanity. Like hanging on at the edge of a cliff by her finger tips, terrified of falling, she knew she wasn't supposed to resist like this, and knew it needed to happen – but she was so gods damned afraid.
I don't want to lose myself flashed through her mind, over and over again, like a mantra.
But the room was so quiet Whose side am I on?
Base by Skylark, Art by Midjourney
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Whiskers twitching, a puzzled chuff of air leaves the tigress, Isla torn between her own instincts and what she knows as a doctor in her more rational mind. Eventually, offering another affectionate nudge and a loud snuffle against Maea's ear, the Remedy lets her companion take the time to come to terms with the hunt - or not - and refocuses on the stag. Perhaps if not the kill, Maea can at least partake in the reward.
Disappearing into the sun-dappled undergrowth, Isla moves quickly and silently. Even so, it feels as though hours seem to pass before she makes her move, and when she does it's with a thrashing of grass and a panicked, cut-off bleat of sound that she takes down the deer. Should Maea come to investigate, it will be to see the tigress, red muzzled and content, tearing at the creature's flank.
And I only needed one more touch Another taste of devouring rush
There was only so much anyone could do to help in times like these. Easy enough to offer, easier still to accept, yet when it came down to the moment where you had to do your part of the work, there were moments just like this where everything simply locked up inside, and you froze.
Isla was kind and the offered comfort did not go unnoticed. But though Maea wanted nothing more than to be brave and bold and settle into this new part of her life with suave ease, it just wasn't happening. Watching the amber pelted tigress vanish into the tall grass, she lowered herself to her belly and pressed herself into the earth. Molten metal sloughed off her sides and set the grass on fire, small tongues of flame that lapped at her form without burning. The ringing in her ears drowned out most of the sounds from the hunt, but she felt the deer go down as a faint vibration in the ground, followed by a heady scent as blood was spilled into the open air.
It seemed like hours passed to her as well, before she was able to move. Stiff legged, dragging herself along with every fiber of her being in conflict with itself, she found than shame tasted the same on a tiger's tongue and that it didn't actually matter what form she took; the hunger and bloodlust was still the same.
Halting as she came upon the scene of the tigress feasting, Maea questioned why she could be so fine with seeing this behavior in others, yet reviled it in herself. How was it any different to hunt and kill like this, compared to the trapping she'd done in the past? There shouldn't be a difference. She had fought before, killed before - It wasn't as though her hands were clean anyway.
It should be such an easy choice. Hunt or turn to stone. Eat or starve, live... or don't. How many times would she have to be dragged back from the brink before she ran out of chances? Why was it so fucking hard to just flow along with the current and not get hung up on all the things that came so easily to everyone else? You'd almost think she was being contrary on purpose at this point. Except she wasn't.
Tigers didn't cry. But it did let out a bone weary grunt as control slowly but surely slipped from her grasp. Creeping up to the deer, drawn in by the smell of the blood, it was as if a switch had been flipped in her brain. One moment the White tigress hovered stiffly over the carcass; the next she was tearing into the flesh, with the ravenous frenzy of one who had held back for far too long.
But the room was so quiet Whose side am I on?
Base by Skylark, Art by Midjourney
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
At first, instinct being what it is, of course the tigress mid-feast parts her jaws and bares teeth at the encroaching feline. But - as a prime example of being permitted to lose control but keep herself, perhaps - Isla soon recognises Maea for who she is and offers a grumble of welcome. Shifting to the side enough to share, it isn't long before both big cats are muzzle deep in the kill, sating the bloodlust that sings through their veins and revelling the satisfaction that comes with it.
Only when Isla has eaten her fill and then some does she pad away from the deer and melt down into the long grass, rolling and stretching and flexing bloody claws, before coming to a rest. Through half-lidded eyes she watches her companion, questions burning on a tongue with no words to form them, and an afternoon nap pulling inexorably at her bones.
Was it enough? Without being the one to take the life, was gorging herself on meat and blood really scratching the itch? Perhaps not to the full extent. No doubt Maea would have to do it all over again soon, but this was still important. A push to get over the threshold, a rude display of what would happen if she kept resisting the Ancient nature. There were far worse things than gulping down a deer like she hadn't eaten in years. Far more dreadful mistakes to make, and the next time she might not have a friend to watch over her.
That didn't mean Maea felt good about it. She had still lost, given in to base urges, failed to control herself... She still hated that.
As her mind clesred, she lost grasp on the shift and turned back. Seated on her knees over the half-eaten remains of a deer, covered in blood and with her belly painfully distended, she gazed down at her hands as if they belonged to someone else. The salty metallic tang in her mouth should have been awful, yet she kept licking her lips. Caught herself in horror - then did it again, and moved on to lick clean her hands finger by finger. Unable to comprehend why something that should be awful tasted so wonderful.
It was crazy. She really was going crazy.
"This is insane... isnt it?" Hoarse and conflicted, she looked to the tiger for help, unsure which answer would make her less unhappy.
Only wake each morning to remember that you're gone
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Busy licking the blood from her paws and her chops, at first the tigress neither notices or cares that her companion has shifted back to two legs. And when Maea's voice does hit the air, as troubled as her feline form had been, Isla regards her through hazy pebble blues. She has no words in this form to soothe whatever conflict writhes within the other Ancient - and even as a medic, she doubts she would manage to phrase it in a way that would make sense.
So instead, rolling to furry feet, Isla pads across to the pale woman and offers her a feline headbutt that is likely much more powerful now given their size difference. Is it? the gesture seems to say, before the tigress flops again to lay down, this time against her fellow predator, as if she means to nap right there with Maea.
The crack as the tiger's head bumped into hers had Maea seeing lights dance before her vision. Wincing softly she rubbed her forehead, then paused with hands aloft as Isla flopped down beside her, taken aback by the close proximity. She should be afraid, she supposed. It was a tiger, after all, with heat rolling off the metallic stripes like an open furnace and all the instincts that came along. Except it was Isla; if Maea had ever been afraid of the Remedy, it was only because she admired the woman too much, and didn't wish to make a fool of herself in front of her.
Very slowly she lowered her hands to touch the amber fur. The solidity beneath the luscious pelt startled her much like touching a young colt had earlier in the season, reminding her of how unusual it had become to touch anyone at all outside of weapons training. Touch starved... blood starved, hunger for purpose and meaning in this dizzying existence - Maea sighed, and curled up on the ground next to the Remedy, head resting on a warm shoulder.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled quietly. "I don't mean to be like this. You're kind enough to help, and yet..." Flexing her jaws, she felt the silence of the meadow like a physical thing. "I'm just.. scared. Last time I let myself get swept up in emotion, I got myself killed. I don't trust... don't trust myself to have learned anything at all from that."
Blocking out the too bright sunlight with the sleeve of an arm, she tried to find that same peace and calm that her company seemed to possess. But though the scent of dry earth and crushed greenery tickled her senses, though there was nothing to worry about for miles in every direction, peace eluded her.
Only wake each morning to remember that you're gone
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Tigers don't purr, but Isla is nonetheless affectionate and pliable as Maea tries to get comfortable beside her, whiskers twitching and eyes slipping shut in readiness to let the world go for a while. It's only as the other woman speaks again that the Remedy blinks herself back to wakefulness, and she slowly shifts back into a form with appropriate gestures and vocal chords.
"I've died twice," she murmurs with a lopsided smile, "So I'm not sure I'm in any position to say if you've learned enough from your experiences. But I know that when I was Ascended, it felt like emotion was all we had, you know? There was such a lack of senses, of anything physical... I feel more stable now in myself as an Ancient as I ever did Ascended. Maybe the same thing will happen for you, in time?"
Tempted to succumb to petulant sulking, Maea wound strands of grass around her fingers and swallowed back statements like 'that won't help me right now' and 'physical senses are a part of the problem'. Objections would not help, and she felt ungrateful enough already without adding rudeness to the tab.
"Like... exposure, you mean?" she tried instead, fumbling for some practical solution that could fix at least one problem, at least temporarily. "Wear the shoe until you don't get blisters anymore..?" She shifted her head as far as the horns allowed to peer at the remains of the deer. "I guess... it could be worth a try. If I never let the bloodlust get too strong... in theory I would never risk losing my head to it. Right?"
And going for smaller prey might be less triggering. For a while, until she understood herself better. That by no means meant it would be easy. Just... easier.
Only wake each morning to remember that you're gone
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Sitting up slowly and leaning back on her hands, Isla offers Maea a gentle nod. "Just so," she murmurs. "It would mean hunting more frequently, I imagine, but if the prey is smaller and the result is that you never feel that urgent sort of hunger..." It's not Isla's preferred way to be, but that was the entire point, wasn't it? Everyone was different and what was good for Isla may not necessarily be good for Maea.
"Either way, if you ever need a hunting partner, you know where to find me. I don't make too much of a habit of visiting the Hollowed Grounds these days - too many memories. But I can make an exception to come and see a friend." Smiling sunnily to her fellow Ancient, Isla slowly rolls to her feet, having abandoned the afternoon nap. "Would you like to come and collect those herbs with me?"
"It comes down to self disciplin, then. Thank the gods, that's at least something I can manage." Relief colored her tone and with a deep breath the worst of the tension dissolved within the petite Ancient. It shouldn't have been so difficult to reach such a simple resolution. Now that it had been said, it seemed so obvious that Maea felt dizzy and had to stifle a sudden yawn, born as much from mental strain as from the large meal. Isla had the right of it by trying to nap; belatedly she once again wished she was more in tune with the other woman. But there was still time for that later. Time to get to know her better, time to repay the kindness and return another day to show off the progress she had made.
That thought cheered her up even more, until she could return the Remedy's smile with one almost as bright.
"Sure, and same to you," she replied, huffing a bit as she too clambered up from the ground. "I don't mind traveling if you'd rather not go back. If nothing else, I'll come for the guild when you are ready to start it up." Biting back a sheepish smile over being called a friend, Maea dusted grass and dirt off her clothes.
"Now... what herbs do you want, and why?" More than willing to idle away the afternoon picking flowers with a friend, the day just might end up being a good one after all.
Bonus points if she could find a rabbit to practice her new resolve on before the sun set. There was no time like the present to start over.
{Fin}
Only wake each morning to remember that you're gone
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
