[SE] Publish or perish

"Cults? Yech. Fuck all of that," declared with a fierce scowl. As a Halovian he had a natural aversion to cultists on general principles but an even more deeply personal hatred for those followers of Eirachi that had stormed the Citadel's gates and killed his father after Neron's betrayal of the Deepfrost goddess. The candle didn't react to his grumpy muttering, ignoring him with the aloof aplomb that only an inanimate object could convey.

Maea's observations, however, earned a satisfied flare of the flame as it seemed to bow in her direction before it obligingly brightened. Blue was still not a great color for casting light, but it did its best to push back the darkness around the shelf it had indicated, and that Maea was now studying. Most of the titles began with a 'B', but the shelving nearest to Tal held an odd section with a slender soft-bound book that had been shoved so far back that its spine was completely hidden by the two larger, thicker hardcover books on either side of it. "Huh. Looks like someone just jammed somethin' in there," the courier mused. Indeed, the shelf was so tightly packed that his tentative tugging on one of the hardcovers with his free hand had no effect, except to threaten to pull out half the squashed-together books all at once.

Maea

And time it waits for no one
It heals them when you die

Watching the books began to dislodge from the shelf, Maea's instincts as a lover of literature kicked in.
"Wait, hang on –"

But before she could formulate her concern, the tomes suddenly came free. Hurrying forth to catch them, Maea winced as sharp corners dug into her arms and chest, and found herself staggered by the weight that dropped into her arms. The hardbacks were heavy; carefully sinking down onto the floor she slipped them aside on the ground, until only the soft-bound one remained in her lap.

"What... is this?" Hesitant to even touch it, she nevertheless reached for the cover, to flip it open.

And soon you are forgotten
A whisper within a sigh

"Shit shit shit sorry!" the courier yelped, trying to push the book he'd been tugging on back in, but it was too late. He tried to at least block some of the books from falling on Maea as she went down with an armful of precious(?) tomes, reference books, textbooks, and dissertations. A cloud of dust puffed up around them and Tal coughed and tried to wave it away as the candle flame danced with eagerness, blazing brightly to illuminate the spidery black script on the first page of the little book that Maea had saved.

A Thesis on Recent Variant Species in Stormbreak and their Effects on the Local Ecosystem
Theodore G. Boffen, Masters Candidate

Within its pages were entries on most of the void-touched flora and fauna that had been found in Stormbreak in the months following LongNight, including fairly decent drawings of both normal and infected versions of plants and animals, with notes about the differences and similarities that Theodore had observed between them, and careful records of their numbers and spread over the ensuing seasons.

Tal leaned over his companion in research, pale eyes bright with surprise at the usefulness of the find. "Huh. Guess he must've been lookin' at th'stuff for a school project or something." The flame flickered as if in exasperation, but it seemed to be growing weaker with every passing moment. A small but determined breeze blew across the pages, riffling them until they turned to a place three-quarters through the little volume that Maea held. It landed on a chapter on Rock Sliders, with copious notes about their appearance, size, and venom. Several pages in, however, the words ended with a single header titled:

Shadow Serpents

The rest of the book was blank.

Maea

And time it waits for no one
It heals them when you die

"I don't think this was a project he would have been allowed to present," Maea murmured, already sucked into the reading. Her colorless eyes scanned the first page with a scholar's practiced gaze, and when the errant breeze flipped the pages for her she spread her hands out well away from them.

Emotions crossed her face as she kept reading. A scowl, followed by raised eyebrows, until finally she passed a weary hand over her face and sighed, long and painful. She passed the book to Tal.
"You stupid fool," she murmured at the candle, but with soft sadness in her voice as if on the verge of tears. "What good is a bit of research if it cost you your life?"  

Such drive, and brilliance, and courage - all wasted. And for what?
"Does it say where he found this shadow serpent?" she asked, peeking from beneath her fingers at her friend.

And soon you are forgotten
A whisper within a sigh

"Maybe that's why he tucked it back here?" Tal hazarded. The dimming candle flame bobbed emphatically, but its glow was fading, barely able to illuminate the pages for Maea to read. The courier rubbed his neck awkwardly with his free hand, looking from the little ghost flame to the book in the Ancient's lap as she perused the contents. "Y'didn't want it goin' t'waste, huh?" he mumbled quietly to the lingering spirit, who bobbed again, proudly defiant even as the strength that had kept it tethered to its research drained away now that someone who would continue its work had found it.

Tal handed the candle to Maea as he accepted the book, using his Goggles to read the writing in the dim light that remained in their little section of the shelves. He flipped the rest of the pages slowly, but finally went back to the section on Rock Sliders with a shake of his head. "There's nothing else in there. The Rock Sliders are found in th'Fallin' area, though. My guess is that's where he went before..."

The little flame danced again, but it could offer no further guidance. With a sighing breeze that ruffled Maea's hair the little spirit...

...winked out.

Maea

And time it waits for no one
It heals them when you die

Maea cradled the sputtering candle between her hands And watched the flame die out. Smoke lingered in the air, coiling in a complex dance - the ghost of a ghost - and she told herself that it was this which caused the sting in her eyes. Who would cry over fools anyway? It was the kid's own fault for going off on his own. His own damned responsibility to stay alive, and if he couldn't even manage that –

"This is why I don't want to get involved with ghosts," she complained, in a voice made thick from the grief she failed to keep at bay. "Whatever we do it's too late to help them anyway." Pressing the butt of her palm hard against her brow, it was a struggle to keep the tears from overflowing. A battle she lost, in the end; stupidly, reluctantly, helplessly.

It was like seeing herself, really. Fearless and driven, biting off more than she could chew - and ultimately paying the price. It made her wonder if there was anyone left who would cry for her, when her luck finally ran out.

And soon you are forgotten
A whisper within a sigh

He could hear the grief in her voice but Tal, awkward as ever when it came to tears and mourning, didn't know what to do about it. He bit his lip as he glanced down and realized that what they'd found in Stormbreak's university library had affected Maea profoundly, in ways he didn't understand. He didn't know her history or the similarities that the spirit had with her - right down to the dying part.

But Maea had come back.

This particular soul probably wouldn't.

He cleared his throat self-consciously, then gingerly settled himself down behind the pale Ancient, sitting back-to-back with her so he could honestly say he hadn't seen her crying if it ever came up. Gods knew he hated it when anyone saw him getting all teary-eyed, but he'd gotten enough socialization over the past several years to realize it would be awfully shitty of him to just retreat and leave her alone at a time like this.

"Yeah... don't blame you," he mumbled, rubbing his thumb over the spine of the little thesis. "I, uh... I'm glad you were here, though. So he could pass this along to... y'know. Another scholar." And not just a lunk like the courier. "An' now he can finally move on th'way he's s'posed to, 'stead o' hauntin' this place forever. So I think maybe we did help 'im out, in a way." Shit, he was bad at making sad people feel better. Hopefully he wasn't just making things worse?

Maea

And time it waits for no one
It heals them when you die

She didn't know what to say. Holding the blown out candle uselessly, sitting in a circle of books, Maea just felt cold and miserable. How Tal knew what to do she couldn't tell. Perhaps they were simply more alike than they seemed. Regardless, the presence of him and the steady warmth radiating off his back was exactly what she needed. Quietly she leaned back, stealing what comfort she could without making things awkward... awkwarder... and just let the stupid tears wet her stupid cheeks until they were done.  

"I suppose," she sighed grudgingly. "I guess it's not bad being with Mort either. It wasn't bad at all..." What she remembered, at least. Which wasn't much. "It's just... stupidly, I can't keep from getting attached. But all I'm left with is a name and a bunch of 'what if's, and even if I went theough the trouble of seeking out his family... what is there to say? It won't change anything."

Wiping at her face with a sleeve, she almost wished for the deep depression to return. So she wouldn't have to sit with the turmoil of emotions over a kid she had never known, in a place that wasn't hers...

"I want to go home."

And soon you are forgotten
A whisper within a sigh

At least she wasn't pulling away from him, so Tal figured he hadn't screwed up too badly. He sat there as long as she needed, idly flipping through the book without really seeing the words in it, just to have something to do with his hands until she was ready to talk again.

He nodded at her words, about attachment and stupidity, understanding that, even if he tended to get attached to things like walking trees and dogs instead of people.

Well, maybe some people, too.

And then he realized that she couldn't see his nod, so he groped back until he found-- well, not her hand, but the spade-y tip of her tail, and he patted it with an awkward but sincere attempt at comfort. "Yeah. I know what y'mean."

At least he could do something about what she needed now, and he pulled away from her slowly before standing up. He turned to offer her a hand up as well, and then the book that the spirit had been so determined to share with the world. "Yeah," he said again, quietly gruff. "C'mon. Th'Peregrine's waitin'."

~Fin~