Harper
Not a boundary, no, but a bruise. Maybe even something deeper and far more fatal, if he were to admit the depths of the injury. And though she can't see it, his lips twist into a paroxysm too bitter to be a smile.
"I understand how you feel. Though you say it a lot more elegantly than I could." And he doesn't want to piggyback off her vulnerability but he feels it. Her shrug has him moving his palm up and down her spine in short motions, never venturing too far and intending to offer only comfort. Harper turns his head slightly to rest his cheek on top of her head, and his sigh is quiet but strong.
"I'll try not to be too presumptuous here, but I get it. I swore I'd never love again before I even came to Caido. It felt like a failure to break that vow; twice over, at that." Sometimes he regrets ever talking to Delphia about it, ever learning that he wouldn't reunite with his first true love in the afterlife. But he couldn't regret loving Phoebe, or Maeve. Having Jude. "But I realized I wanted to love and to be loved. All I wanted was a family, no matter how small." Children had always been desired, but Harper had not been unwilling to devote himself to only one person, especially given he's not picky about gender. "Except...where did it get me? They both vanished time and time again. I wasn't enough to make them stay and I don't think I'm enough now either." Harper's laugh is rough and bitter, shaking her gently where she curls against his chest.
"I can show you so many things, Maea. But I can't show you how to be enough. I still haven't learned it myself." Frankly, he has been trying to burn out the root of his desire to be enough for seasons now, drowning out how he really feels in alcohol and sex. It hasn't worked yet, but he keeps telling himself it will in time. Eventually, he'll be okay standing on his own. Eventually he'll forget the proof of how easy he is to leave.
"I understand how you feel. Though you say it a lot more elegantly than I could." And he doesn't want to piggyback off her vulnerability but he feels it. Her shrug has him moving his palm up and down her spine in short motions, never venturing too far and intending to offer only comfort. Harper turns his head slightly to rest his cheek on top of her head, and his sigh is quiet but strong.
"I'll try not to be too presumptuous here, but I get it. I swore I'd never love again before I even came to Caido. It felt like a failure to break that vow; twice over, at that." Sometimes he regrets ever talking to Delphia about it, ever learning that he wouldn't reunite with his first true love in the afterlife. But he couldn't regret loving Phoebe, or Maeve. Having Jude. "But I realized I wanted to love and to be loved. All I wanted was a family, no matter how small." Children had always been desired, but Harper had not been unwilling to devote himself to only one person, especially given he's not picky about gender. "Except...where did it get me? They both vanished time and time again. I wasn't enough to make them stay and I don't think I'm enough now either." Harper's laugh is rough and bitter, shaking her gently where she curls against his chest.
"I can show you so many things, Maea. But I can't show you how to be enough. I still haven't learned it myself." Frankly, he has been trying to burn out the root of his desire to be enough for seasons now, drowning out how he really feels in alcohol and sex. It hasn't worked yet, but he keeps telling himself it will in time. Eventually, he'll be okay standing on his own. Eventually he'll forget the proof of how easy he is to leave.
I cut my teeth on second-hand sentiments
you can't trust a thing I say
you can't trust a thing I say
