Reaching High

Sam watched the feather appear in Remi's fingers and smiled, still impressed with his work but also hoping that the rather jovial use of magic might mean Remi was not as bitter towards him as perhaps Sam deserved. But when he replied, flat and not quite catching Sam's eye...he was reminded of a line from his diary, something he had written during Longnight: It is like we are talking past each other, both wanting the same thing but not sure of the directions. Why must we both be so bereft of communication? Remi said he had to go and before he could think Sam reached out towards him. Not touching him, but a hand intended to make him stop. "Wait! I..I mean...I'm not so busy. I've done my actual work for the day, this is just...fun research. Maybe we can see if we could find something out about Ronin? Or...anything else you're curious about?" It was perhaps more obvious than Sam knew he was making excuses to keep Remi's company, with the way he desperately looked about for something to catch his attention. Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

now there's a space too wide

It wasn't so much of a flinch as it was a start. Feathers appeared in the alchemist's tangle of curls; an easy indication for any who knew him that he was quite literally about to flee. In Northaven it had been his go-to method of evading uncomfortable situations, but the man perched on the ladder before him had flown after him the last time he'd tried to fly away. Though Remi's mind was currently not quite so calculating as to realize that Sam might still his his magic coursing through his veins and could do the same thing again, something about the memory stayed Remi's flight.

Perhaps it was the fact that it was a memory, since he had so few of those left.

"Fun research?" Remi repeated, his voice tentative as if feeling the waters of what it might be like to just...have a conversation with Sam. Be around him for reasons that weren't purely accidental. Glancing to the cover of the book and seeing the word armour on it, Remi looked back up with a skeptically amused brow raised. "Should I have made you a pauldron instead of a ladder, then?" He asked with the beginning of a smirk. "I suppose that would keep you safe as well." He added with a shrug.

that's left us with wondering eyes

Coding base by Sky!

Sam did not quite recognise the feathers in Remi's hair for what they were; he saw that something had happened but wasn't quite sure what. Not that he needed the feathers to recognise the tension in him. Remi was understandably, anxious to speak to him it seemed. The concept was strange to Sam, who had spent his life being dominated and overpowered by people finding him the exact opposite of intimidating. But then something changed and Sam practically jumped on the chance to turn this back to normalacy, nodding with an ethusiasm far too much for the situation at Remi's question. "Yes. Fun research. I'm working on a project to catalogue the myths and legends of Caido. Of course, it'll be limited to the Hallowed Grounds for now..." He said this as if he intended to go out into the world and research other myths, something he currently had no desire to do, but he did not bring that up. A thought occured, then. If Ronin was here for Aoife, would Remi leave soon? Plenty of people had. That made Sam feel an odd sort of empty he wasn't really entitled to. "Ha, no. I am by no means a fighter. But...I am trying to copy this story about a knight. And the illustrations all heavily feature these...things--" Sam motioned about his shoulders. "Like a decoration of sorts, above his shoulders. And I'm sure it's significant, but I don't know why. So I'm trying to find out what it is and why he'd be wearing it." Suddenly Sam realised he'd blown past their awkwardness by getting far too into something intellectual, as he was often prone to do. "Oh, I'm sorry. You probably find that boring. Would you like to find a book on death or Gods so we can see if it says anything about Ronin?" Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

now there's a space too wide

"Of...the god Caido? Or...this place?" Remi interrupted, though nodded with understanding as Sam's elaboration clarified things. The alchemist had always thought it was strange that there was both a god and a continent with the same name. But then again all of this was fairly new to him as it was.

"What sort of myths are here? Things like LongNight and whatnot?" The alchemist tilted his head slightly, a feather or two remaining but for the most part Remi looked entirely unruffled now, if merely cautious. LongNight, Fiat Lux and such didn't strike him as myths so much as...well, truths.

Dimly Remi nodded, trying to picture the sort of thing Sam was describing and to think about why anyone would be wearing something like that. With a weak sort of smile the alchemist shrugged. "Well you will get no help from me...In Northaven there was very little art or ... ahh...weaponry or armour that was anything but basic and deadly."

At first when Sam mentioned death and gods Remi wondered if that was all the bookmaker thought of him now. Given his interactions with Ludo, both good and bad, those categories weren't actually that far off. So much so that at first he began to wince until Sam mentioned Ronin. "Well you said you had not heard of it before? It was a long shot thinking there would be anything here, anyways." Remi admitted, hugging one arm around himself.

"You know, I can make that ledge larger if you are planning on sitting there." He advised with a wry grin, nosing towards the platform Sam was still perched on.

that's left us with wondering eyes

Coding base by Sky!

"No, the--" Sam smiled and cut off as Remi seemed to understand. He had never really thought about their continent and God sharing a name, having always known from context which was being spoken of. "Well. Longnight, yes. But I mean more stories rather than whole events...tales people have passed down through the years. I love to read them. Think about people from years ago reading the same words as I am.." He smiled warmly, having enjoyed the thought for a long time; it felt like hands reaching out from the past to take his own, a gentle and kind reminder that he was not alone in his struggles. Sam had not expected Remi to be able to help - he had always lived here and he had no idea what the armour-decorations were, so why would an Outlander? He smiled politely and shook his head as if to say It's alright, it doesn't matter. He hadn't heard of it, no, and it was a long shot; but Sam made a mental note to try and help Remi out later and do some private research into the matter. The subject was not the typical kind of thing he researched (he didn't usually like topics like death) but his desire to impress Remi overrode his preferences in books. "Oh. You don't need to do that." Sam laughed, took a couple of steps down the ladder. "I probably shouldn't sit on your hard work, hm?" Speaking of Remi's hard work..he looked down to the feather Remi made and chewed at his lip, a sudden question coming to mind. "By the way...I have a golden feather in my house, in a stand...Did...did you ever make me a golden feather?" Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

now there's a space too wide

Remi couldn't help but laugh slightly under his breath. It seemed a very Sam sort of thing, to find whimsy in reading the words that someone else had years before. That sort of whimsical nostalgia suited the bookmaker and for just a moment it made Remi's heart warm slightly until another thought took hold.

Did Sam read his own writing with such fondness? The pages of his diary? Did the bookmaker find something romantic in being told of his past through his own voice?

Did part of him like how things had turned out?

Swallowing down the strange storm of emotions, Remi smiled and took a step back to give Sam room. "It is your ladder. You can do as you wish with it." The alchemist said with a shrug. Glancing up as Sam mentioned the feather, Remi's eyes moved over it for just a moment as he considered.

He supposed it was possible he had given Sam a feather. But golden? Why would that be?

"I...do not remember." He admitted sadly, trying to smile at the bookmaker and finding it strange to see him at eye level. "I might have...but." With a gentle shrug, Remi bit down on the words why don't you check your diaries that prickled on his tongue. For a brief moment the feather in his hand began to turn gold, bits of colour spiraling up from his fingertips before the alchemist abruptly halted the transformation, suddenly uncertain of what it was he was doing, and why.

that's left us with wondering eyes

Coding base by Sky!

"I will be sure to tell Jigano you made this.  I'm sure he shall be very grateful. I'm not the only person with a.. smaller stature here." When he was stood before Remi on the ground it was really obvious to him,  actually. After a moment looking at him Sam moved away to stand less close. Some of the things he'd read in his diaries had been...well. Steamy. It was easier to forget them when he wasn't close enough to catch Remi's scent. Somewhat predictably Remi didn't know the origins of the feather either. The lost chapter of their lives left with it some evidence,  but not enough for everything to be strung together. "Ah, well...it is bea--ah!" Sam exclaimed as he saw the feather in Remi's hand begin to turn gold. "Yes! It looks just like that! Oh, your magic is so amazing. " There was genuine admiration in his voice,  in the way he held up his hands to his face.   He leaned in closer to see the feather. "I read you can become a lion or a bird or a raccoon as well. To have so many powers at your fingertips.. how do you keep yourself from playing with it all day? I must admit of I had such abilities I would spend a lot of time jumping about as an animal or making myself things. You must have good self control. " Sam didn't realise until he'd said it that the last part sounded distinctly like a flirt. "...Uhm..ahem. It's impressive." Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

now there's a space too wide

Remi nodded willingly enough, though mention of Jigano always made his hackles want to raise slightly. He couldn't help but think that the bard would find some fault in his creation, or that he'd see it as Remi's way of inserting himself into the guild somehow.

Remi felt the tension in his chest and stomach ease as Sam moved away, and yet part of him wished that he hadn't either. Part of him wished the bookmaker had just lingered in that moment when they were eye to eye, to give Remi time to think. But if he remembered anything at all about Sam, it was that the bookmaker seemed to breeze through those moments with incredible speed. Shattering what might have been moments and breaking the tension.

It was a relief, really. But it made Remi's mind wonder and wander, as well.

Smiling awkwardly, Remi's fingers twitched with surprise at Sam's reaction to his magic. Attention on what he could do always made him feel somehow ashamed and embarrassed, which only increased as Sam leaned in further to investigate. Feeling compelled now, Remi pulled the gold back, replacing it with crystal now. Thoughts of Jigano in his mind and how the bard had wanted a sheath made of crystal likely influencing this decision somewhat. So now instead of gold and solid, the feather was nearly clear and prismatic.

"Mmm." Remi hummed a note of bashful agreement. He actually didn't know what other powers of his Sam knew about, but it felt strange to ask given that it was a topic he tried actively to shy away from. To say that he was just used to the magic now would make him sound like an utter ass, and so he merely shrugged instead. "I have been quite busy...with Aoife and things.." He said, licking his lips with a shy smile.

"I do fly a lot." Remi added with a genuine but private sort of smile as a thrum of pleasure bloomed in his chest at the thought. The mention of self-control was taken simply as an observation, to which Remi nodded in agreement. "I never had much growing up, so I make due. Even now I suppose I do not...ahh, give myself? as much as I could." He added. "And doing too much is exhausting. I do not have the stamina that perhaps others do with their magic."

that's left us with wondering eyes

Coding base by Sky!

"Oh, yes, Aoife! How is she? Is she glad to see her father, do you think? I'm sure he is glad to see her. I must confess I do not know much about children...is she able to walk, talk yet?" Sam wasn't aware how much of a silly question this was (or perhaps not, given her star-touched blessings, though he didn't know of them) because he had very limited experience with children, having been outcast when he was one and never having met one as an adult for any meaningful length of time. Remi said he liked to fly, something Sam considered so breathtaking, so amazing...that it was mention so casually amazed him. It did not yet occur to him that having drunk from Remi he could experience it himself (or indeed, that he already had). "Well. I think what you do is amazing. I can't imagine flying...wow. You must have stories. You know, I did want to talk to some attuned for a book on the range of shifts people can have. Would you talk to me about it sometime?" With this request asked Sam looked at Remi and tried in his mind to imagine him as an animal. A lion..did not seem to match the gentle person before him. Even his anger, his pain had been comparatively mild, nothing too frightening except for what it meant for his long-lost chances at romance. "I think a bird..suits you. Free and bold and..." His eyes dropped from Remi, suddenly embarrassed. "Do you think the shifts are chosen for the person?" Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

now there's a space too wide

"Ahh, yes—" Remi tried to answer, but then Sam was still speaking, and so the alchemist fell into a sort of befuddled silence. His expression was one of cloudy bombardment as he shook his head with a bit of a laugh. "No, she is still quite young. She can sit up on her own and can make sounds and track objects." Remi
replied with a sort of adoring smile as he pictures some of Aoife's latest triumphs in his mind.

Running one hand up his arm and letting his eyes drift down awkwardly as Sam continued to shower him in compliments, the alchemist shrugged an agreeable sort of gesture. In another place and time the alchemist would have suggested Sam experiencing it for himself. Perhaps there could be a way to block the effects of Sam's bite...or...if he was able to siphon his blood out, somehow? Glancing up, his gaze only brushing Sam's for a moment, Remi tried to still the way his heart had suddenly began to beat faster, the mere thought of Sam's teeth against him and all that that entailed having a rather undesirable effect.

"Yes, of course." Remi managed through lips suddenly gone quite dry. Licking them he smiled and nodded to make up for the strange gap.

Watching as Sam's gaze fell away for a moment, Remi's lashes fluttered with confusion. "Ah...well.." He began, raising a hand to ruffle it thoughtfully through his curls. "In Northaven we did. You did not chose your shift. It simply something that was given to you. It chose you, so we thought. But no one ever had any more than one shift. So here...these new things I can be...truthfully I do not know where it comes from."

that's left us with wondering eyes

Coding base by Sky!

"Oh. Well that all sounds very good too. I'm sure you're proud." Sam smiled, trying to rescue his apparently unfairly high expectations for Aoife. Remi did look every part the proud parent and Sam couldn't help but wonder what would happen now that Ronin was back. Would they platonically co-parent? Or...maybe not platonically. That thought made his stomach flip for reasons he didn't really know. He had no way of knowing Remi was considering something so personal and intimate to him and simply politely smiled until he spoke next, his own mind filled with images of Ronin and Remi spooning with Aoife nestled with them, a dragon on the other side and Isla just out of the door. It was cosy. It was...not what the him in the diaries had wanted, and Sam didn't know if he was that man. He did know he was confused whenever he looked into Remi's eyes. "Oh, I see. So..everyone had one? How was it...chosen for you? I did not know man had the power to just give someone a shift. I...read parts of my diaries about the place you've come from. I did not seem to like it much and it seems you didn't either. So if you would rather not speak of it..." Sam placed a hand briefly on Remi's shoulder, meant to be a comfort, an experiment into consolation. Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

now there's a space too wide

"I...suppose I am." Remi said with a lingering sort of half-smile. It felt strange to be proud of a child he hadn't helped create..that he'd been raising simply because of circumstances. But he did feel it, especially now that it was pointed out to him.

'Oh, no. Only the commoners. None of those with any sort of social standing could do it. Most of them were mages or...ahh, I suppose what are called accepted, here." Remi tried to explain. "And there was a ritual that was performed. When it was complete you could shift. Both of my parents were species of birds, so I was not surprised with what I was."

It was a few things, that caused Remi's cheeks to suddenly burn with heat; the linger thoughts of Sam shifting and how that would be possible, the mention of the diaries and the words Remi could only assume were inside, and the touch on his shoulder. It felt like a kick to his gut when he was already down and struggling to stand. It flashed memories of moments he did recall, ones he'd been reminded of, and ones he'd dreamed about to flash in a heart-wrenching array behind his eyes.

"Sam—" Remi whispered, eyes closed and head lowered slightly. Feathers had appeared in his hair, ruffled and unruly and beneath the ascended's hand Remi's shoulder and arm had tensed, but he didn't move. For a moment he simply endured, for the was the best word for it. The revival of his despair and heartache, the memory of the letter in the dark of night and how it had unraveled the last thing his heart might have remained intact for. This gentle consolation now weeks too late, made Remi's heart thump and the blood pound in his ears as he opened his eyes slowly.

"I should go." The alchemist said finally, voice low, accent crumpling the words together just like the crumpled piece of parchment he still carried with him.

that's left us with wondering eyes

Coding base by Sky!

"...I...see. I would have thought being able to become something so wonderful would be a thing the elite would want to save for themselves. How odd." Sam had thought Remi's world at least in some ways similar from the way he dressed and could use the items in the place around him, but it seemed as he learned more and more it was clear they had very different original cultures, marked out in a million little details. The hand had meant to be a casual kind of touch, not anything meaningful, just something he would do for anyone reassuringly; (or at least, something he was trying to learn to do, to be a little bolder with his attempts at conversation) but it seemed like it had an adverse affect on Remi. Instantly Sam drew away as if burnt, hating that he never seemed to know what to do when it came to this man. Then suddenly it was back, Remi's insistence that he should leave. Sam sighed, chewed at his lip. You couldn't really pull someone back twice, could you? Eventually you would just feel like a desperate loser, which was exactly what was happening. "...Alright, if you'd like. I'm...sorry. If I make you uncomfortable." There was a flat sadness in his tone but nothing intentionally guilting, Sam trying to look as if he was going to read the book before him now and not watch Remi leave. Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

now there's a space too wide

Sam pulled away and Remi leaned forward, without thought or hesitation until his mind, delayed and jostled, realized what he'd done. Close enough now that were Sam the sort of normal he'd always striven to be, Remi would be able to feel the heat of his body wafting against the alchemist's bare arms. As it was that heat would only go one way, as would the rushing of blood both up and down in Remi's body, and the way he could hear his own heart thundering a discordant beat in his ears.

Turning his head slightly, frozen in a moment of indecision, had Sam not moved again, the straightening of Remi's head would have placed his mouth only a fraction of an inch away from Sam's, his nose nearly close enough to touch against the bookmakers, their combined unshaven features bristling and touching.

If Remi could, he would force Sam to remain locked in that moment with him fleeting as it was, if only through sheer force of will. Inhaling a shaky and shallow breath, Remi looked down slightly as if he might be able to see their lips so near to one another. He couldn't of course, but it was as if he could, and his eyebrows flexed and danced to the words of a conversation Remi was silently having with himself.

He wanted to kiss Sam. More than that, honestly. It was only a lifetime of restraint that held the alchemist so near and yet un-touching. The bookmaker's strange pull of him was as present as it always had been...

..and that was precisely the problem.

That Remi would forgive so easily after so a horrendous a thing was done to him was laughable. It was embarrassing and demeaning, and yet as his tongue lingered just behind his bottom lip and his mind recalled what it had been like to kiss the bookmaker before, he felt something inside of him wilt and sadly bend, like a sapling during a freeze.

"I just wish you had not done it." Remi said, the words whisper soft though it hardly mattered for Sam was so close. Kiss him, his body whined, and deep in the pit of his stomach something warm coiled and begged. But he couldn't. Not again. Much as he wanted to, his words were his true desire.

I wish you had not done it. I wish you had not forgotten me.

And so Remi left.

that's left us with wondering eyes

Coding base by Sky!