{se} feels like I'm sleepwalking when you're gone

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

She doesn't want to bring the mood down, but she watches him with guileless, understanding eyes as he confides in her a sentiment she never thought she'd hear. And yes, some old part of her twinges and stings, recalling how she'd once been the one to be hesitant, to be unsure, only to have Kamaria's existence dropped in her lap like a punishment for her hesitation. But those are all old things. Old, scarred hurts that don't truly hurt anymore. "I get it," she murmurs instead, and though he is focused on the tree her eyes linger on the side of his face. At least until her own confessions bubble up inside her, and she averts her eyes, a coward to the end. "I had hoped the twins would be different. They couldn't have been a more ill-conceived accident, but I felt maybe that was how it was supposed to be. That maybe  this time I could raise them alone." Remi had been adamant about his involvement, but it had been rather minimal given Ronin's understandable issues with the twins' existence. "Not exactly as a single mother, but I saw it as finally being blessed with children without the burden of finding someone I loved and trusted enough to try again with." A perfect soul - or pair of souls - she had once thought could be Sunjata and Nate. "After Enzo...the curse I tried to blame on the world, on others - it became clear it was mine." And how can she doom another child that way? How can she possibly be so selfish? "But I still long for it. I can admit that." Even if she doubts she'll ever be given the chance to try again. Or that she'd reach for it even if it was offered to her - too scared to take it in hand.

Talking of Deimos' hatred for him shouldn't be an out, but she takes it readily, laughing slightly. "Well we share Melita, so she can't count. I have two others on the table, but they're all I can offer you outside of Deimos." Sah and Talyson meeting Sunjata is a hilarious prospect to her, but never let it be said that old dogs can't make new friends. Rocking back on her heels, she watches him water the tree, continuing to shuffle dirt over the roots with the shovel until it is completely even with the grass once more. Then she extends a hand to help him up, knowing it's entirely a sentimental gesture instead of a truly helpful offer.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide