I'll drown eventually so don't save me
He seemed to know more about the ways of the Ancient than she did. Things that came so natural to the old ones were both new and strange to her, and with only Danta's brief instructions to go on, Maea struggled to come to terms with it all. Sunjata already touched on part of the problem with his remark, which made it both easier and harder to get the words out when he nodded, allowing the question that burned on her tongue.
"I just... need to know. Do ordinary animals... enjoy the hunt? The killing?" Her mouth dipped at the corners, expressing both disgust and a fear she couldn't hide no matter how she tried. "I've hunted before, but there was never a moment when taking a life was either fun or - or pleasurable. And there's nothing, in the moment, that distinguishes between people and animals... And I'm scared."
Saying it out loud was as difficult as it was a relief. Getting it out there, letting someone know - "I don't want to hurt anything, or anyone. I don't want to become a monster... but I don't know how to control this –" gesturing helplessly to herself, hating the word bloodlust and all of the imagery that came with it of wanton lust, debauchery and savagery.
Sunjata would know how hard it was for her to let go of control. It lay at the core of why they broke up; because she didn't trust easily, and wouldn't share, and couldn't let go and just let things happen, even if it was pleasant. When she turned back to search his face this time, it was all there; raw and laid bare in the glint of her eyes, quivering in her jaw as she chewed the inside of her cheek.
"I don't know what to do."
"I just... need to know. Do ordinary animals... enjoy the hunt? The killing?" Her mouth dipped at the corners, expressing both disgust and a fear she couldn't hide no matter how she tried. "I've hunted before, but there was never a moment when taking a life was either fun or - or pleasurable. And there's nothing, in the moment, that distinguishes between people and animals... And I'm scared."
Saying it out loud was as difficult as it was a relief. Getting it out there, letting someone know - "I don't want to hurt anything, or anyone. I don't want to become a monster... but I don't know how to control this –" gesturing helplessly to herself, hating the word bloodlust and all of the imagery that came with it of wanton lust, debauchery and savagery.
Sunjata would know how hard it was for her to let go of control. It lay at the core of why they broke up; because she didn't trust easily, and wouldn't share, and couldn't let go and just let things happen, even if it was pleasant. When she turned back to search his face this time, it was all there; raw and laid bare in the glint of her eyes, quivering in her jaw as she chewed the inside of her cheek.
"I don't know what to do."
Maea
