Oh, you say you have to fall apart to really be someone
She was disappointed, though perhaps not for the reason one might expect. Grandness was a matter of perspective; what caused the worried wrinkle in her brow had more to do with the lack of planning and structure.
"The bonfire is lovely," she admitted, "and the ward will be a great comfort. I guess... I was hoping to figure out where I might fit into any plans, but if you don't have any that would be difficult..."
Thinking of ways to rephrase the question, or other ways to convey what troubled her, Maea focused on collecting rocks for a while. Shifting larger rocks aside with her tail, she crouched down and shoveled handfuls into the bag, only to pause and check for any that really stood out to her. A round pebble, a lovely pattern in the rock - one she held up to the light, because of the golden flecks that shimmered against the blue-black base. That one she offered to Ophelia.
"I don't know if you know about it, but I used to be Ascended," she said eventually to both her comrades. "But I only became one after... after dying. The Voice managed to pull a bunch of us from Mort's realm... and I've always felt bad for accepting that offer. I followed Ludo, all my family is there - I should have stayed. But now that I'm properly alive again, I don't hate it... I just dont want to waste it. So that I don't have any regrets when my time comes, so that I can't be tempted to break my promises again... I want to fill my days with meaningful things."
Glancing up, wary of more laughter from these people who lived so much more freely than she, Maea watched Danta and Ophelia.
"So, I guess, what I'm asking is... Do you have need of help, in any way? Is there work to do for the region where I might be of use, that I could apply myself to?"
Certainly gathering stones for Dygra was useful, but the temporary nature of the task did give her some anxiety. Knowing there was more to do, but not knowing what or when, or how... It was difficult to keep from adding more reasons for wanting something to do, hard to refrain from begging for the sense of fulfillment she craved - so Maea bit her cheek to give the others a chance to speak.
"The bonfire is lovely," she admitted, "and the ward will be a great comfort. I guess... I was hoping to figure out where I might fit into any plans, but if you don't have any that would be difficult..."
Thinking of ways to rephrase the question, or other ways to convey what troubled her, Maea focused on collecting rocks for a while. Shifting larger rocks aside with her tail, she crouched down and shoveled handfuls into the bag, only to pause and check for any that really stood out to her. A round pebble, a lovely pattern in the rock - one she held up to the light, because of the golden flecks that shimmered against the blue-black base. That one she offered to Ophelia.
"I don't know if you know about it, but I used to be Ascended," she said eventually to both her comrades. "But I only became one after... after dying. The Voice managed to pull a bunch of us from Mort's realm... and I've always felt bad for accepting that offer. I followed Ludo, all my family is there - I should have stayed. But now that I'm properly alive again, I don't hate it... I just dont want to waste it. So that I don't have any regrets when my time comes, so that I can't be tempted to break my promises again... I want to fill my days with meaningful things."
Glancing up, wary of more laughter from these people who lived so much more freely than she, Maea watched Danta and Ophelia.
"So, I guess, what I'm asking is... Do you have need of help, in any way? Is there work to do for the region where I might be of use, that I could apply myself to?"
Certainly gathering stones for Dygra was useful, but the temporary nature of the task did give her some anxiety. Knowing there was more to do, but not knowing what or when, or how... It was difficult to keep from adding more reasons for wanting something to do, hard to refrain from begging for the sense of fulfillment she craved - so Maea bit her cheek to give the others a chance to speak.
