Jude
Height is no matter; the power of making Jude feel safe is entirely in Edmund's arms, and he isn't intent on leaving them any time soon. It's the first time anyone has ever apologized for Jude's suffering instead of on Harper's behalf, and he slumps further into Edmund's hold like some invisible string has finally been cut now that he's heard it from someone else's lips. He knows Edmund and Harper aren't as close given his father had come into the Ansel's lives after Edmund was older, but for a moment he envies Edmund that distance, and for making it out of the worst of the drama unscathed. They may stand at the same height and age these days, but Edmund still feels so far ahead of him. More mature, more composed, more untouchable. But it shouldn't surprise him. Edmund is eternally his big brother and a figure to idolize and strive to emulate. Falling short of the bar his brother sets is just part of the equation.
Envy bleeds away into a pitiful mush when faced with what he needs. Lifting his head, Jude turns redrimmed eyes onto his elder, appearing far younger with how lost his expression is. "I don't know," he admits, as if marveling at it. "I don't - I don't know if I should forgive him? I don't know if I should stay, or move, or what I'm doing." He's just been surviving one day after another. And if his lip wobbles, it's with shame as his eyes drop away from Edmund's. "I've been so angry. At everyone. And drinking and fighting and crying isn't helping." The only thing that had was the Dreamless that Paige had given him, but Jude is too scared of growing addicted to dabble too heavily in the darker side of what Torchline has to offer. "I feel like an idiot trying to play at being an adult," he confesses, tone whisper-quiet like the walls themselves could possibly hear and judge him for his inadequacies.
Envy bleeds away into a pitiful mush when faced with what he needs. Lifting his head, Jude turns redrimmed eyes onto his elder, appearing far younger with how lost his expression is. "I don't know," he admits, as if marveling at it. "I don't - I don't know if I should forgive him? I don't know if I should stay, or move, or what I'm doing." He's just been surviving one day after another. And if his lip wobbles, it's with shame as his eyes drop away from Edmund's. "I've been so angry. At everyone. And drinking and fighting and crying isn't helping." The only thing that had was the Dreamless that Paige had given him, but Jude is too scared of growing addicted to dabble too heavily in the darker side of what Torchline has to offer. "I feel like an idiot trying to play at being an adult," he confesses, tone whisper-quiet like the walls themselves could possibly hear and judge him for his inadequacies.
started getting what I want, but all of it feels brand new
