the blood you bleed is just the blood you owe

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

His hands support her just as she supports him in turn, her pale hand slipping around the back of his head, keeping his head near her neck where he lines it with kisses and bites, playful marks to remember their day before he inevitably slips away to figure himself out. At least he’ll bear hers as well, bruised and loved and tender until they aren’t anymore — likely replaced by bruising from the boxing ring, from scars attained off of those with a bone to pick with him.

He’d figure it out, at some point, or die in the process.

But he hopes he figures it out, hips surging into hers as she rides her wave — no sharp twist, no complete shift in how she rides him, but a wave of sorts that crashes over him that he can feel as he bites her neck and pants against her skin, feeling the string of himself begin to snap and break. And while hers was a soft wave, his is sharp, pinpointed, precise as he pulls her into him and pushes her hips down to crash into her.

His head tilts back as much as it can, nose brushing against her jaw as he moans his response to her, filling her with everything he can — muscles in his abdomen twitching and shifting, and he shivers a small amount with the sudden release, quaking as if they’re aftershocks of an earthquake roiling within him. “Lief vir jou ook.” He tells her, breathless as he gasps and tries to catch it, hands softening at her hips and brushing his thumbs along her skin in a tender lazy strokes.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

Was it the last time? Was this the end? Would there be a later, a next time, a new tomorrow? If only the world could end now, when she was still happy, still complete, wrapped up in his arms and filled to the brim with his love. What did it matter that their bed was a hard table in a kitchen that was only theirs in a dream? Maea was home right here, right where he was, shuddering through the pleasure as his release cut through hers and blended it all together. Dark and light, devil and angel, summer and winter, life and death, him and her, her and him... no beginning and no end, so long as he kept holding her.

If her breath was uneven, it was probably just from the way his hands stroked her hips, more gently now. If there was moisture gleaming in her eyes, it could be lust, pure joy at being with him like this. Something she avoided for so long (though it wasn't long at all, was it). And if her heart beat too fast, if her hands held on to him a bit too hard...

It was just love, right? Just the love of a foolish girl too stubborn for her own good. Determined to stay with the monster she should have feared, if only...

Ah, but her silence was louder than any scream of pain, and Maea thought he might hear her rage against the fading of the light, that stole her time with him away.  

He always did hear everything she thought too quiet to perceive.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

He brings her to him, to lay her tight against him as he fights for his breath again. Hands sliding up from her hips to her sides, before he buries his face into her neck and shoulder, into pale hair that falls over his horns in a small waterfall. His arms wrap around her torso, tight and close, squeezing her to him as the wave rides out and as if he’d never let her go.

He will, but not right now. Not as he holds her close enough he can feel her heartbeat beneath his lips, lids fluttering closed and his lashes brushing against her skin as he takes in her scent as if it’s an attempt to never forget it, never lose it. It’s far too much like his now, though, he doubts he could ever forget it.

But she’s silent, quiet and reserved — and he knows that it won’t last. That a few moments of this bliss means little in comparison to the red rimmed eyes, the tears that’ll fall, the heart he’s breaking by claiming to need space and time to think. Gods knew he couldn’t think when she was around — evidenced by the scars on his back, by the way he keeps her near, holds her close when he knows he’ll only leave again.

A heartbreaker. And yet he does this time and time again when they get too close. What was it about commitment that made him erratic and confused? At least he thinks he has a good reason, the true root of it all. And if only he could get through it… if only he could figure it out, perhaps then he’d stand a chance.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

The warmth, the pleasure, the blissful freedom from the need to think... it faded slowly, but with a relentlessness that matched the gradual descent of the sun. It would be light for some hours yet. Twilight came late in this paradise, but night fell swift once it arrived. If she were to make it to the portal before midnight, there would be precious little time left before she had to leave.

She? Or they? Would he come with her, on the long journey to Kaiholo? They still had so much talking left to do. Questions to ask and answer, problems to solve - what now? What were they now? How did they stay in touch, when did they meet next, when would he move, what about the Slagveld, how far away was she to keep herself, or was she not supposed to contact him at all? But he'd said he wouldn't disappear, so... so...

Maea wasn't reserved. Her quiet was a defense against the onslaught of panicked questions she didn't want to ask. Because the moment she broke the silence, they would have to move. As long as she was quiet, he would hold her. As long as there was still light, this wasn't over. 'Stay, for the rest of the day,' he'd said, but the day was fading away as she lay there on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. A finger traced the lines of his inked feathers, followed it perfectly; she didn't need to see it to know where it bent and curved, where it disappeared beneath the points of a compass that still pointed to her.

But.. that was the illusion, wasn't it. It only pointed to her, because she was in front of him. All it really meant was that he was supposed to move forward. That the right path was the one that lay ahead.

And maybe there was place for her by his side, the one not occupied by the ghost of a woman twice alive, twice dead, and perhaps she would be able to at least watch his back for him... but it was becoming increasingly clear that she couldn't be the only thing he moved towards. What kind of life would that be? It was a dangerous thing, to hang your happiness and purpose on the existence of another person. Just look at her... how miserable this parting was making her. And Maea had other things too, goals and purpose beyond a tall, handsome young man with oceans and storms in his eyes.

She supposed... that's what he had to find for himself.

Her breath was a little unsteady as she inhaled... and the sigh that followed was heavy. Mournful.

But Maea wasn't going to cry anymore. He didn't deserve that.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

He doesn’t know how long he buries his face into her neck, holds onto her as if it’s the last time. He knows it won’t be, knows his resolve is too small to be able to keep to any lines drawn, even the ones he drew himself. He was a rebel, through and through, and with it came the shift of breaking rules he was supposed to enforce.

He’d left enforcing a long while ago, never once looked back, never once wanted to continue.

So he shivers after a long moment, hands lifting to ghost over those magical wings, holding her close and breathing her in as the muscles in his stomach clench and he pushes them up. She’s still in his lap, and when he pulls away reluctantly, his lips search for hers as he tries to shift and slip out of her but still keep her near.

Even if her sigh had been mournful, he didn’t want this to be a sad parting. Inevitably, it would be, but he was close and near and would be. A different parting than the ones he’s made before. This time… This time he’s sure of it. So he breaks the kiss to press his lips featherlight against her jaw and her nose. “I love you Maea.” He reiterates so she doesn’t forget, trying to keep the reality of what he’s doing to her from hitting so hard.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

She didn't want to move. Didn't want to ever move again. But he was, and he was bigger than her, and when he pushed himself up, with her still on his chest, there was nothing Maea could do but follow. She would have kept him there against her neck for an age, for eternity, and almost wished, in a desperate, dreadful moment that there was a dragon somewhere that could breathe them into a coccoon of ice, because surely death together would be better than this kind of parting...

His lips found hers, and they were warm. Soft, and quite gentle. She hitched a breath in protest when he pulled out of her, but though it left her hollow and empty, his arms were still holding her. And she couldn't help it; she leaned into the kiss, her mouth softening under his. There was no point in trying to be cold, not at this point. That kind of pretend had never worked, because she cared far too much to hurt him with silly antics. Once she had tried... and it lasted all of a minute, until he looked at her with heartbreak in his eyes.

That had been the first time she tried to walk away from him.

His mouth moved, brushed over her jaw. Kissed her nose; it tickled, and against her will she wrinked it, forced to react. Reluctantly she lifted her gaze, met his eyes. Forced herself to smile, and tried to bring some light into her eyes. For him. So that this wouldn't break him.

"And I love you, Sunjata." She hoped he wouldn't forget that, when he walked this road to wherever. Even if no one else was, she'd be there. At his back, or by his side. Ahead of him, leading the way. Or wherever he needed her to be.

When she felt her smile falter, the girl brought her arms around his neck and leaned in, to press her face into the crook of his neck. Breathed him in, while she swallowed back tears. She wouldn't cry. Not now, not yet. She could break down again when he wasn't watching... there would be plenty of lonely nights ahead for her to dampen the pillow.

"... what happens now?" she asked, muffled against his neck, when she couldn't stand the silence anymore. Left it to him to decide; this was his stupid idea, after all.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

She wrinkles her nose, and it’s something compared to the quiet stone she’s slowly becoming. And he can’t help but to watch her as she forces herself to smile, and he swallows hard against it. There’s some light to her eyes, but not enough. Like the shadows that haunt his own, so too have hers become darker. But she tells him she loves him too, and he manages to exhale a quiet sigh, arms wrapping tighter around her to keep her close to his chest, skin on skin.

Her arms find their space around his neck, leaning in and she buries her face there, breathes him in and all he can do is listen to the silence, the distant crash of waves upon rocks far below them, brushing his cheek against her neck and shoulder as he keeps her close. Her voice is muffled, but like usual, he can hear it. The earring in his ear picking up the softer sounds, the softer whispers that would otherwise be left unheard, confused, muddled.

And well, what does happen now?

He’s staying in Torchline, she’s returning to Halo for the Academy… It’ll be like it was before, right? When she was gone time and time again to train and learn and he kept his distance because of Zariah and because his hatred for the cold part of their world was too high. A muscle clenches in his jaw, and he nuzzles his head against her shoulder a bit more as he considers it. “Well, when are you going to Halo?” He asks, tentatively at first. “I’ll… Be there in a few weeks to work out the bar situation.” His voice is rough and quiet, raw yet strong.

“Other than that I’ll be here.” A quiet response, that he wasn’t planning on leaving the warmth of Torchline for the cold just yet.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

His words came slow, a question to answer a question. And she felt like he put some great weight on her, because suddenly it was she who was leaving. No doubt she could find excuses to linger here, to drag her feet in the Grounds and suffocate behind the memory of cage bars, but... that would only prolong the inevitable. And with every day she stayed, this would only grow harder. For the both of them.

If this hadn't happened... she would have gone back in another day. Pushed herself to catch up on the work she had left behind to spend time with him. But now? She would welcome the distraction of heavy books and rigorous training. To keep herself from falling apart. Because this parting wouldn't be like the others. There were too many unknowns now, so many questions he couldn't answer yet.

He nuzzled her shoulder; the scrape of his stubbled jaw sent goosebumps flaring over her skin. How could he be so strong? Maea felt like she might crumble at any moment.

"I think... the sooner, the better," she said reluctantly, her voice thick, but.. surprisingly steady. Knowing it wasn't a lie, but it felt... it felt like one. "I'll... probably only be back at the Grounds briefely. For the festival... unless you need me for something." She'd had certain plans revolving around him for the second week of the season, but... Maea wasn't sure what to do about them now.

"Write to me?" she asked. "We can send them through Loren, if you don't want to risk... making connections between us. For Zariah to see."

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

When she tells him the sooner the better, he nods once more – stubbled jaw brushing against her skin again. He understands, it’ll be easier this way. And in the end, it was still him who was walking away, who wouldn’t walk her to the Citadel and hand her off, wouldn’t be found in the VlamVloed to stumble into her room or the room they shared upstairs more recently. But it’s still a quiet agreement, an understanding, a bargain struck in a way.

The mention of her returning the Grounds for the festival has him smiling gently against her skin before he withdraws, arms and hands lifting to brush her hair from her face, working to braid it into a nice fishtail sort of look as he considers her words. “Last year it was held in Ludo’s Woods.” He says softly, gaze searching her face as he continues to braid her pale hair away from her porcelain face. “But… we do have training to continue.” He reminds her before something shadows in his gaze.

“I will.” A vow that he would write to her. “Provided he doesn’t come and give me one of these to match.” He says somewhat weakly, gesturing with a tip of his head to the dragon claw scars that rake up the side of his body. “But I will.” He reaffirms before he finishes the braid and drapes it over one of her shoulders, gaze flickering to admire the work.

Saartjie had taught him some good, after all. “And promise me,” he begins, fingers trailing along the braid before his gaze finds hers again. “That you won’t forget to eat? That you won’t work and train too hard that you forget?” Because he knows… He knows how she gets, and he’s not sure if that’s a worse punishment than this prolonged goodbye.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

He pulled back, raised his hands to her hair and began to play with it. Moving strands back and forth.. braiding it? Maea had no idea he could. Or... hadn't he told her, that he'd braided his sister's hair? She couldn't recall. He'd confided so many things to her, they all kind of blurred. As he worked, he spoke, telling her that Ludo's festival had changed location.

Maea frowned at that, couldn't remember that the festival had ever been held anywhere but in the Woodlands. It didn't make sense, she'd even been... and then Maea recalled that no. No, she had not been at the last festival at all. "Oh," she said, sounding a little lost. "I.. I see. Well... I suppose I'll go there then." Another change forced on her, something familiar torn away. There were so many things that were different now... Maea couldn't keep up.

But he reminded her of the training, and she nodded, swallowing down the confusion. "I remember. Do you... want to keep them to Torchline now? As Deimos..." wouldn't be too happy to have him around at the barracks. That made her frown a little. "What will you do, about the militia? Can you stay there and still live in Torchline?" It sounded like a conflict of intrerest. Purely aside from the amusing in the fact that the worst scoundrel of the Grounds had signed up to protect it... Good thing he wouldn't have to chase himself around. Like a dog trying to catch its tail.

Much like she would be doing, trying to please both herself and the tutors at the Academy. And Sunjata seemed to know this too. He sounded like a mother hen, plucking at the braid he'd made of her hair, clucking worriedly about eating and resting. The girl tilted her head and gave him a wry smile. "I... will try?" she offered. Quite intentionally threw his often used phrase back at him. Only he knew how much effort he really put into those words... and Maea would do her best. But... no promises.

"If it helps, Loren keeps an eye on me... we have our training, and the healing sessions. I wouldn't worry... not about the dragons either. Did I tell you, he let me fly on one? It was only for a few minutes, but it was amazing." Her expression brightened slightly at the memory, a look of quiet awe reflecting in her eyes... The wings on her back shifted, restlessly. Longing, as if wishing for some breeze to sweep through the room.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

She sounds a little lost when Sunjata tells her that the Festival has changed locations. And perhaps it makes it an interesting sort of theme. While she’d only ever known it in the Woodlands, Sunjata had only ever known it in Ludo’s Woods… And last time? Last time he’d been there he’d had a lantern for Lusea, unable to talk about his past – only to finally open up to Phoebe about his flame when she’d spoken of Emmett.

It’d only been a year.

He sighs a quiet breath, focusing on her as she mentions Deimos and a small half smile of equal parts amusement and some parts dread pools in his gut. “Probably for the best.” He agrees quietly, gaze focusing on her. “I don’t think it’s necessary that I remain a part of it if I’m not there. Nor do I think Deimos wants me there.” A bit of an offhanded comment, as if it doesn’t bother him when part of it does anyway.

So he shifts his focus onto her, onto the makeshift promise that she’ll remember to eat. “Good.” His gaze narrows a small amount as she tosses his favorite phrase back at him, but he plucks at the braid he’s given her, his eyes remaining on her. He can’t particularly chide her, but he can ensure his visits are often enough. So he pokes one finger at her ribs, that smile returning. “You get pokey when you’re too thin.” And the smile grows a small amount before it falters ever so slightly.

The mention of dragons though captures his entire attention. “Did he?” A tilt of his head as he focuses on her a bit more. The feathers on his shoulders blossom out when she flexes her restless wings, his hands lowering to trace the bottom tips of the feathers. “I suppose when I write him my next letter I’ll have to ask him about it.” A crooked smile on his face. “Not sure I even need to sign my name anymore, my handwriting is quite distinct.” And it was, in the way that he’d had to get used to writing with a quill and paper with his left hand, the way his letters were well defined and almost bookish in comparison to most he’s seen.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

He tried to pretend that he wasn't bothered by the enmity with the General, but Maea knew him better than that. The more casual he sounded, the heavier the weight was that he tried to shrug off. Her hand went to his cheek automatically, knuckles already stroking his jaw when she caught herself, and the gesture faltered. Some hesitance creeping into the motion, like she wasn't sure it was still... something she ought to do. Gods, what did it mean to need time? And had that started yet? "I'm... sure he'll come around, eventually," she said, hoping it would mask her awkwardness. Not knowing if what she said was true; she didn't know Deimos.

His finger poking her in the ribs made her flinch away though, ticklish, and a smile twisted at her lips.. a little peeved, a little amused too. "Can't help it... I never got a lot to eat, growing up. And I've a hard time building muscle." Which annoyed her to no end. Maea poked his swelling chest muscles back with some envy... then her hand kind of stuck there. Lingering, transfixed by the feel of him under her hand.

Thank the gods for dragons, and Loren, to change the subject with again. Maea nodded confirmation, her hands gesturing in the air for emphasis as she explained. "We were at Popoa, trying to make a better map of the area, and he was scouting as a goose. And then I asked what it was like to fly, and he showed me. I have to say, it was far better sitting on the dragon than dangling from its claws, like the first time he did that." She actually laughed, quiet and amused, recalling how she'd first met their mutual friend.

"Oh, my writing is too. But... since I've never gotten any letters from you before, I wouldn't know." Maea had only learned to write properly this season, now that her eyes were fully functioning again.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

Her hand goes for his cheek, knuckles brushing against his cheekbone, and Sunjata leans into the touch. He doesn’t mind, and he’s said until the end of the day. It hasn’t ended yet, they haven’t parted ways just yet… Just a little bit longer to settle in each other’s embrace before he pushes himself away once more. “Hmm, I doubt it.” He offers with a small wry smile. It’s not like he really hopes the General does. It wasn’t the first time he’d crossed the man.

But he pokes at her ribs and it’s enough of a distraction that a small smile creeps onto the corners of his lips. And when she explains and pokes him back, he follows her hand as it flattens out over the muscle of his torso, keeping it there. “Another thing to practice then?” He suggests quietly, squeezing her hand gently before he pulls his away, rubbing at a compass tattoo at the talk of Loren and dragons.

And he’s happy to see her smile, offering one of his own in response. “Oh, those claws are no joke.” He rumbles with some small amount of amusement before he’s reaching for her again, wrapping his arms languidly around her hips, still keeping her settled in his lap. “But you’ll find out. Especially if the ink bleeds a bit or I smudge something.” A roll of his eyes to that. “In Korofi we had pens like quills but they dried much quicker. It’s been a bit of a learning curve.” He says with some part amusement, smile sitting contently on his lips as if he’s making small talk to prolong the inevitable goodbye.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

His arms wrapped back around her, hands on her hips, and Maea was in no hurry to leave. They could have been stretched out in the sand on a beach, or tangled up in sheets, talking and bantering, their words and minds as intimate as their hands had been a moment before. What a foolish thing, to give this up. It would be so easy to just keep going like this, drown in the presence of each other, and forget about the rest of the world.

But no... he said he had to think, to sort himself out, that he needed time away... and just like that, this pleasant, lovely moment became underlaid with the quiet angst of a parting. Their bed an old table in a kitchen that was dusty and full of memories not their own, in a derelict house by the sea, where a dream could have been fit for two. Would he dream it without her now? Would there be room for her within these walls, when he was done taking his time?

"Oh, just add another thing to the list, why don't you" she replied dryly, and began to tick off her projects on her fingers, while leaning luxuriously against his chest. Content to pretend this moment could last. "Running and exercises, meditation and sparring with Loren, the usual classwork, practice with daggers and archery, mapping Torchline and exploring with you, and with Amun, and Loren. Then there is research on The Voice to be done, whatever Ludo might be kind enough to offer, I need to figure out where to find more information about wisps, because I still don't know what Shii actually eats... let's add some eating and sleeping to that, and I'm sure there will be time for strength training too."

It was a shocking amount of things to consider, and Maea seemed a little taken aback by her own words. For a moment she looked quite exhausted... but then she shrugged and grinned at him. "Oh, and I didn't know how to read or write before this season, so there's that too. I do look forward to writing those letters, it will be good practice."

Except she had to be away from him to do so, and therefore Maea would hate it too.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay