the blood you bleed is just the blood you owe

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

She leans against his chest to list out all the things she does, and he rests his chin on her shoulder to watch her count them out — listening and still surprised when she tells him of everything she does. And for a moment he wonders if she realizes just how busy she is, just how much she does… Perhaps she won’t miss him quite as much as she thinks she will, when already she’d be occupied with a million different things. “Mm, yes, well. Eating is important.” He offers to her with a raise of his brow, pulling away to look at her with a small smile.”Grab a snack in between and stuff it down while you run from place to place.” He muses with a wink.

Ah, so much like they had been before all of this.

The mention of not knowing to read and write, however, does cause him to nod slowly — recalling her eyesight and how that likely affected it. “I’ll be sure to make them extra challenging, then.” A gentle tease, the hand that rests at her side traces the shape of the letters of her name over moon white skin. “And I’ll even spell my name fully out since gods know nobody knows how to spell it just off of how it sounds.” A hum of a laugh rebounds through his chest. “They always put a ‘Y’ in it.”

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

Oh, she would have plenty of time to miss him. In the quiet moments before getting out of bed. In the pause as she turned the page of a book, before her thoughts stilled enough to properly meditate. Whenever something went wrong, and when it went right, when her eyes landed on something interesting or beautiful... and she was reminded that he was not within reach so the could share it with him.

The work was just a means to keep herself going. Hiding from the pain of loss, of grief, of loneliness... now she would have to try and hide from love too.

"I'll do my best," she sighed, thinking that food was fsr down on the list of priorities. But if it made him happy, and if it kept her from being pokey, then...

"How silly of them... it should obviously be spelled with a J," she agreed, and quietly amended the spelling in her mind. To make sure she did it right. "As long as I get anything, I'll be happy. Just to know you're still alive.

"I... don't suppose there's any point in asking you to be careful around the Torchline shadows? No poking around Rae's Fingers, and such..." It would be rather hypocritical of her, as Maea had done just that herself. And landed herself and Amun in quite the pinch. But with his Advocates in mind, the stakes would no doubt be higher around whatever Sunjata dealt with.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

She tells him she’ll do her best, and really that’s all Sunjata can ask for. At the end of the day, so long as there was an attempt. He wouldn’t be around to ensure it, and part of that sinking feeling returns to his gut. Of making a mistake, of trying to do things differently, trying to figure himself out and what it is he wants to chase. Perhaps he’ll just focus more on work and go from there… See where the Advocates and portals take him at the end of the day as well as the devotion to his goddess.

But she distracts him from those darkening thoughts when she mentions it should be a J instead of a Y and Sunjata nods to that, smile brightening slightly. “Yes, exactly.” A quiet musing before he shifts a small amount, steel gaze flickering along her face once more. “You will.” He finally adds. He would write to her, not sure when or what about yet, but likely to check in and see how she’s doing. Likewise, he hopes she doesn’t delve too far into the darkness herself with him not around to try and make her the light to his own dark.

He focuses on her a small amount when she talks about Rae’s Fingers, and he purses his lips slightly as he considers it. “I can try.” He says, his usual favored term. “Though if I’m honest it seems like perfect work for the Advocates. It’s part of the reason I want to move it here.” He trails off, shaking his head before nearing her and placing a kiss to her cheek. “I’ll be careful.” And at least he truly means that.

But the light is fading and goosebumps drift along his skin. And he sighs quietly, trying to shift her out of his lap to get dressed again, to rip the bandaid off so to speak… To walk her back to the city or portal; wherever it is she wishes to go, before he starts to try and figure things out. He reaches down immediately to grab her dress for her, handing it to her with a bit more of a shadowed gaze.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

"Trying is all I can ask for," she said, closing her eyes as he kissed her cheek. "Good. And if you ever need help, I'll come save you." A lofty promise, but one she fully intended to keep. And perhaps it might give him some incentive to really stay safe, knowing she would start kicking down doors otherwise...

But he was moving. Stirring, shifting her aside, like a child or a doll. It hurt to be separated from his body, to leave the steady warmth and have to make do with only herself. She could have protested, clung to him, made this difficult... But what would be he point of that? So she sighed too and took the dress. Slipped it over her head, and fastened the buttons and the lace again. Cleaned herself up as best she could, though the sticky soreness between her legs was a welcome reminder of him that she didn't wish to remove. None of it, not the bruises on her body or anything else.

Would they be faded and gone when she saw him next time? Would there ever be new colors painted onto her skin from his passion?

Shii slipped out from under Haai's wings, and drifted over to nestle in against the crook of her neck. Maea cupped a hand around it, grateful for the quiet adoration it sent through the bond. At least she would not be completely alone...

"Walk me back to the portal?" she asked Sunjata when he seemed ready. Maea held out her hand for his. Needing the contact for a little longer. Until there was no other choice but to let go.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

It is a lofty promise, because where would there ever be the time for it? Time for him to reach out to her if she’s not by his side? At the same time, her not being by his side at least protects her from his own problems, and with it a quiet reminder of the things he’s missing. So he only nods to her with a faint smile across his sun kissed face, shoulders rising and falling with a breath before he’s moving.

He fixes his pants and belt, hissing against the cold metal that bites into his lower abdomen, before he’s reaching for his shirt that had somehow managed to get placed somewhere he hadn’t recalled. But he slips his arms through the short sleeves of it, buttoning it up roughly halfway — the hint of tattoos peeking from beneath the fabric alongside a reddening splatter of bruises along his neck and chest from her. Reminders every time he brushes a hand by them… Until they’re not.

He partially shifts away the horns and the feathers until it’s just him, running a hand through the waves of his hair to fix it in that roguish way of his, before he settles and Haai fumbles around between his legs. His gaze finds her again, her outstretched hand and her question, and he nods. “Of course.” He takes her small hand into his calloused own, giving it a gentle squeeze before pulling her into him to kiss her a bit more fully on the lips — nothing of the heat of before, nothing of the power and ways he had before. Something gentle, something soft, something bittersweet.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

She could have settled for the hand. Been content with the small gesture, the quiet presence, whatever small token he would permit her. He surprised her by not only taking her hand, but pulling her in too, for a kiss so warm and sweet it made her ache in a slightly new way. It brough to mind the first one they'd ever shared, hesitant and tentative, and all the warmer for it. Maea brought an arm around his waist, brushed her hand over his back, the rare shirt an unfamiliar barrier to separate her from his sun-kissed skin. Unusual... but not unpleasant.

Her lips quivered softly under his. The pang of regret almost visceral, when this small, simple gesture brought it home to her clearer than any words that... ah, he really did love her. Didn't he? Such a remarkable thing... why could she believe it so fully only now, when it was almost over?

Or was it? Could it be that this was just the start of something else, something new?

It was a hope to cling to, even as she slowly, reluctantly broke the kiss, and eased herself back. Gazed at him, as if to fix his whole being into her memory.

Something to live on, until next time. Whenever that was.

"Better go then..." She cast a final look around the room. It was a beautiful dream... some small vision for a future she never would have thought of on her own.

To think, they had been smiling when they came here. How quickly things could change.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

Love, a terrible and fickle thing, had once kept his heart closed to the idea for so long — choosing to share it with strangers so briefly that he was gone the next morning. And this? This was different. This was almost like a promise, half held close, half at an arms distance. And with it as the kiss breaks, he finds himself suddenly cold.

But he’d asked for this, hadn’t he?

So he takes her hand and glances around the house, still imagining that he’ll fix it up. Stay here, perhaps at some point. If not, perhaps a gift to her for what he’s done today if things inevitably fall apart. He’s not sure where that leaves him… But at least it’s a plan, a thing to do. Even if the room upstairs, the purple flowers out front, the garden and table all remind him of her

Nodding to her, he squeezes her hand before beginning to guide her toward the door, Haai already having stepped through it to the path they’d taken to get here.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

The sun was riding low on the horizon by the time they made their way out of the house, through the garden and onto the path that led back to the lighthouse. Maea's eyes were no longer as sensitive to the light as they once had been, but she still squinted against the golden light, a hand raised to offer some shade as she stole a moment to look back onto the hidden gem of a place.

"I was thinking," she said quietly, "that perhaps it could serve as a hideout, for now? In case something happens, and either of us needs to get away in a hurry. You've the Advocates and that business, and I've Zariah to worry about... I don't think many people know about this place." She looked back at Sunjata, her fingers squeezing his. Just because she still could. "What do you think, am I overthinking the dangers?" Maybe it wouldn't be needed. He was far more likely to end up in trouble than she, but also had more people at his back to help if things did go wrong.

And yet, it would be something of a relief. To know that there was a place to meet up, in case something happened. If contact broke, if letters no longer came, and she couldn't find him... it would be a place to start looking.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

“Hmm?” He says instinctually as a response for her musings, stepping through the grass and looking ahead to that lighthouse, focusing on it as if it holds all the answers he could ever ask for. And he listens to her while he does it, head tilting contemplatively. “Yes.” A quiet agreement, looking down to her at his side, squeezing her hand gently as a small smile crosses his face.

“You’re not overthinking it.” He agrees softly, quietly, gaze finding the lighthouse again and contemplating another tattoo off the shape of it before he shakes his head. “We didn’t explore all of it, perhaps there’s hidden chambers in the other homes.” A contemplation, a bunker of sorts. A deceiving picture of a happy home on the outside while the riff raff thrived within.

“I still plan on fixing it up. So if you need me but can’t get ahold of me, I’ll be there probably.” The words hold so much weight, and already he can feel the heaviness of them within him. But he pastes on that mask again, smiling lightly to her with a shrug.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

Another thing to love him for, if she ever needed reasons. This way of taking her thoughts into consideration, to weigh them and find them of value. It was such a small thing, yet it meant so much. His hand tightened around hers in return, and as he looked down at her, Maea met his gaze. Felt like she might drown in the soft grays, more swirling mist than storm or steel in this moment.

Though she would have loved for him to say she was being ridiculous, that nothing would go wrong, that there weren't any dangers. It wouldn't be true, but... Maea wouldn't mind a bit of play pretend now and then. That they weren't leaving. That he wasn't distancing himself from her. That their trying together had become a trying on their own, somehow connected and yet... not?

"Perhaps, might be worth looking into," she agreed. Planning, yet not. Building, yet not. Dreaming, and yet..?

It was confusing her to no end, and she wondered if he felt the same way.

But then he told her he would fix the house up anyway, and her breath came a little too quick, fingers flinching in his grip. A ghost of almost-hidden pain crossing her face, so quick even he might miss it. Sunjata would... build the house without her?  

What... did that mean?

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

She meets his gaze and it holds a lot more unsaid words between them that he has to break the line of sight to squint at the lighthouse as the light filters over them in its swing. “It certainly is.” And he would, too, trying to get it back to somewhat normal — see what kind of gems the forgotten homes held within, if anyone would come looking when they were fixed up.

But his comment of fixing it up has his gaze lingering on the lighthouse, her silence as evident with it as any flinch might be. “It’s the least I can do.” He begins, sparing a moment to chew on the inside of his cheek as he thinks on it. “Give you a place when you’ve been staying at the VlamVloed and the Academy. A place of your own without the upkeep and name of the farm.” He shrugs. Maybe he’d stay there too, maybe he wouldn’t. He doesn’t know. He’s just as confused as she is about the ordeal.

If not, then there’s at least the other homes and Haulani to stay in if he wanted to stay close to the Hanged Man and the boxing ring…

He doesn’t dwell on that for long.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

Her breath was a long, slow affair, deceptively steady. A flood gate holding back a lot of things that suddenly crowded on her tongue. Words, emotions, thoughts and hopes and wishes, repeating things that she'd already said, ready to be chewed all over again.

Sunjata would fix it... for her. And yet... hadn't she already told him, that she did not need a home? That she was content to drift, to blow with the wind, that her roots had already been pulled and felt no need of soil?

This house by the sea... it had been his dream. And Maea dreamed it because it would let her stay with him. If he wasn't there, if he did that for her and then left, never to shadow that threshold again...

How empty it would be. How pointless.

But how did you say that to someone who was really trying to do what he thought would make her happy? Like some kind of amends, when she needed none of the sort. The VlamVloed had become home because he was there. The Academy was only roof over the head while she was doing what she felt was necessary, something to be endured along with the scowls on everyone's face when they realized she'd thrown herself at Zariah's feet. Halo was beautiful and she liked it there, fit well with the climate and the rugged, lonely expanses, but it was no home of hers.

He was.

But Sunjata didn't seem to realize this. And Maea couldn't bring herself to tell him, not if it would spark another argument. Her head was clearing, the alcohol no longer ruling her tongue, and so she breathed, in, and out in a slow exhale. Squeezed his fingers again, a little too hard, a little too long.

"Thank you," was all she could think to say. And she was grateful, she really was, it wasn't a lie. It just... it just felt like one.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

when the world turns upside down, you should blame it on me

He had never wanted to be a home for someone. Never wanted to have that sort of attachment for someone exactly because of this. To make a home out of people would only bring on heartbreak one way or another — hadn’t he learned that already? With Lusea who had been his home, the resistance that had been his family, the world at his fingertips and his lineage smeared and tarnished with his own choices.

He wonders what kind of man he would be if he did give into his fathers wishes, if he simply grew numb to it all. He likely wouldn’t be here right now, no space within his heart for childish dreams of a home by the sea. No, he'd be somewhere in the midst of it all, likely following the same orders drilled into his head. Make a family, the strongest one, and fight for yourself and nothing else. Do not care if you hurt people, it’s their fault they grew attached in the first place. Do not cower, do not show fear, do not show weakness.

But he’s all of those things, all of them and more. Far too caring than he lets on.

Her squeeze to his hand has him looking back down to her, something almost sad that crosses his face and his eyes, and so he tries to find a different subject. “I have to talk to Weaver, but we should be getting the bar going soon. I’ll be in Halo for that.” He says softly, as if it’s a quiet promise that he’d stay around — at the very least, near enough.

sunjata

Coding base by Odd!

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

For a moment, as she looked up and saw the sad look in his eyes, Maea wondered if she had somehow hurt him anyway, in her desperate attempt not to do so. Perhaps you could become too careful, too considerate, to the point where you hid away everything that was in your heart, and kept both from growing. That's how you knew a training session had been effective, was it not? From the ache and pain of the muscles as they tore, rebuilt, and grew back stronger.

He changed the topic, and Maea was both sad and grateful for it. At least Weaver seemed a harmless topic - in so far as the woman could ever be considered harmless - but it made it both easier and harder to know she would see him again so soo. Easier, because she always wanted to see him. Harder... because what could possibly change in a few short weeks?

Everything, her own mind whispered to her, and she sighed lightly. Nodded, that she'd heard. "I'll be there to help if you need a hand with anything," she said.

Hesitating a bit, she looked off to the lighthouse, watched the glow turn in its slow, steady path, out over the sea where the sun had begun to set, in a glow of colorful clouds. Oh, if only they could hurry away from here; Maea didn't know if she could stand to see another sunset here, in this place; knowing how it had turned out last time she watched one with Sunjata by her side. Knowing, it wasn't going to end that way now.

"I've... arranged with Loren to go explore those moving islands, off Ahi coast," she told him. "To try and map their movements, see if there's a pattern. Maybe... if you wanted to come along? We could spend some time together, all three of us." And she could let him drag Loren to the Slagveld afterwards, while she either stayed or went back to Halo... Depending on how hard it was to be around him, without any of this.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay