breath of life

i am trying to wander more

The lighthouse hums like a held breath above me, its glow steady as a heartbeat. The sand around the shrine catches the light and throws it back in a scatter of stars, even though the sky is still pale. I left a note on my door to whoever might

I cradle the little unicorn in both hands. The carving is smooth from years tucked in pockets and palm-lines, the wood darkened by oil and time. Dad made this one when I was small—before the fall, before the part of the story where everything is supposed to end. I run my thumb along the ridge of its neck, feeling each careful notch where the mane is.

I set it down at the base of the offering stone and straighten, palms pressed together to keep them from shaking. When I smile, it’s a quiet thing, small and serious.

"Vi," I whisper, voice steady despite the prickle in my eyes. "Thank you. For lending my father life when he should have died. For holding him back from Mort’s arms."

The words linger in the salt air. The tears surge and blur the starlit sand; I blink hard, sniff once, and they retreat with a burn that makes me feel real and alive. I touch two fingers to the unicorn’s back, like I’m tucking it in, then step away.

Boots off. The cold bites as I press my toes into the glittering shore, and I curl them deeper until the chill goes from ache to anchor. I carry the boots by their laces and cross to where the water beads up like glass before it breaks. Then I sit, knees hugged to my chest, chin on the crown they make, and look toward the line where ocean learns the sky.

I think, for a moment, of calling on Safrin to really give the offering, but I don’t. I’m still nervous to call upon the gods again, nervous that I haven’t done what’s expected of me—whatever that is.

Theea

i have been trying to breathe more, to love my lostness

Breathe in all the colors
Never dream in black and white

Sohalia had been spending more time in Torchline recently, freed from the obligations she'd feared being under as Stormbreak's Heart. Instead, as the region's Ambassador, she was free to wander as she would, for the most part - although of course she needed to check in at home periodically. Her choice to step down as ruler had been a good one. The first of many such good decisions, she hoped. Sometimes she still felt just as adrift as she had when she'd first left the Grounds, despite all that she'd done and learned since then. She still felt as small and insignificant at times, though youth and naivete had long since given way to... whatever she was now.

The Luminary wandered down the coastline, tucked into a sweater against the chill of the salt air that tugged at her golden braid. Her pants were rolled halfway up her calf as she walked barefoot through the sand, though she wasn't quite brave enough to wade into the shallows. No, the sand was cool enough without adding damp to it, thanks very much.

Spotting a familiar figure sitting along the shore, Soh lifted a hand in a wave before making a beeline for her friend. It had been a while since she'd seen Theea, but that only meant there was surely loads for them to catch up on. Nearing the girl, Soh noted her posture: the tucked-in knees, the chin resting on arms, the distant expression. Plopping down into the sand beside Theea, Soh leaned back on her palms. "Hey," she said, tone friendly, but cautious, as though approaching a skittish animal. "You okay?"

Check my spirit in the mirror
Starry eyed tonight

Sohalia

i am trying to wander more

The water keeps making and unmaking the same thin gold line and I try to decide if that’s beautiful or maddening. Maea said once that smiles can be enough. I turn the thought over like a shell—smooth on one side, jagged on the other. Enough for what? For who?

Soh’s arrival pulls me up out of it. I lift my head and give her one of those smiles anyway, warm and honest because she’s hers. "Hey, Soh," I say, glad to see her—old roommate, coast-walker, sweater and all. It’s been since the Celestine, and I'd meant to speak to her sooner than this.

Her question lands, a question I'd been wanting to ask her. My smile stutters. I watch my toes bury into the glittering sand until the cold bites and steadies me. I start with the easy answer, feel it catch in my throat, and let it go with a breath. "I… don’t know," I admit, quiet. "I want to say yes. I’m sitting here just enjoying the view after leaving an offering, but—" I tip my chin at the horizon. "I don’t know."

I pull my knees in and rest my arms across them, cheek to sleeve. "Frey aged me up for a reason. I keep thinking if I stand still long enough I’ll hear it—what the reason is. What I have that matters besides… being cheerful at people." A tiny huff of a laugh escapes me. "Smiles help. But I want to do something with teeth. Belong to a role. Mean something to someone that isn’t just a nice day."

I glance back at the lighthouse glow like it might answer. "I’ve thought about calling on Safrin. As the herald of life… I feel like I owe her, and Vi too, for my dad. For him being here to be my dad." My eyes heat, and I blink them clear. "Safrin’s daughter offered to go with me, which makes it both less terrifying and somehow more." A wry twist to my mouth. "What if I ask and I’m just… nothing special? Or worse, I ask and I’m told the thing I’m meant for is something I can’t carry."

I look sideways at her, the surf reflected in her eyes. "You’ve stepped out of big shoes before and found your own path. How did you choose? Or did you just start walking and let the choosing catch up?" I nudge my toes deeper until the sand holds them, as if that counts as an answer. "Because right now I feel like I’m trying to be brave without knowing which direction brave is."

I huff a big breath that puffs out my cheeks, and I give her a sheepish smile. "Sorry. Rambling. As always."

Theea

i have been trying to breathe more, to love my lostness

Breathe in all the colors
Never dream in black and white

Soh was many things, and she liked to think that being a good listener was among them. So she sat beside Theea in the sand, digging her toes in amongst the cool grains and shivering at the bite of the chill against her soles. She was glad that Theea didn't lie - that the girl trusted her enough to offer her the truth. Even if the truth was harder to explain, more difficult to feel... it was still better than false smiles and empty platitudes, in the end.

She might have offered advice even if Theea hadn't asked it of her, but in the end, Soh frowned out at the waves as she considered her response. "I think... some people have a role they're meant to play, and I envy them," she said finally. "When I led Stormbreak, I stepped up because there was no one else who wanted the job, and I hated to see the city wasting away when it had so much potential. And maybe I was meant to be its Heart - for a time, anyway - but everything that happened after that just feels like it's something that I lived through. It wasn't necessarily something that I chose.

"I'm still trying to figure out who I am and what my purpose is, now that I don't have Stormbreak anymore. Or, well, not like I used to." She glanced sideways at Theea, lights flickering over the girl's face from where it reflected off the waves. "Sorry, I know that's not... super helpful. But I think it's different for everybody. For me, I just... ended up here, and I'm still trying to figure out where 'here' is."

Check my spirit in the mirror
Starry eyed tonight

Sohalia

i am trying to wander more

Soh’s words land like a pebble dropped in still water—small, but the ripples keep moving. …everything after that just feels like something I lived through. It threads straight through me. I was living before my dad fell. After, I survived. I moved, I breathed, I smiled when I could—but it wasn’t the same kind of living. It was weathering. It was standing in the surf and letting the tide knock me around because that was the only direction it had.

I turn to her, that soft ache gentling into warmth. "It is helpful," I tell her, and mean it. "You always seem so put together, you know? And I feel so behind everyone. You say you’re still figuring it out… and I don’t feel quite as alone." The smile I give her is quiet, steadier than I expect.

"I think 'here' for me is family," I add, eyes back on the line where the ocean meets the pale sky. "I’m making the connections I always wanted." I nudge her shoulder with mine, a light bump that says thank you without the weight of the words. "With friends, too."

When I look at her, the lighthouse glow paints a halo in her golden hair and the star-sand pricks gold around our feet. Sohalia: all bright edges and calm center, the Luminary who feels—has always felt—like she was born for steady ground. It’s strange to imagine her losing her footing.

I fold my arms over my knees and keep my voice careful, small enough not to spook the moment. "Why aren’t you ruling Stormbreak anymore?" I ask. "I feel like I’ve missed so much. What happened?"

Theea

i have been trying to breathe more, to love my lostness

Breathe in all the colors
Never dream in black and white

To live or to survive - Soh wasn't sure she knew the distinction anymore. For so long now, she had been in a mode of reaction, forever destined, it seemed, to be on the back foot. But with peace in Caido and Stormbreak restored, it left her free to ponder the difference once more. And what she found, if she thought about it for too long, was that survival wasn't the same as living, and she'd been doing a whole lot more of the former than the latter.

Theea's gratitude was unexpected, and Soh glanced quickly over at her friend, smiling as the other woman nudged her shoulder. Leaning into the contact, the Luminary smiled. "That's a good way to look at it, I think," she said. "Maybe that's what I need to focus on now, instead of everything that's been lost." Stormbreak, Tarak, even her once-golden spirit - there was so much to grieve and to mourn. But maybe she should try to look beyond that and be grateful for all that she did have. Maybe that would be the thing that brought her peace.

The next question caught her a little by surprise, and she pulled her knees into her chest, wrapping her arms loosely around her calves, almost as though to protect herself against the emotion that always came with thoughts of home. "I... don't know," she said, and there was truth in it, laid bare for Theea to see. "I don't remember - did I tell you about losing Stormbreak? The Family kidnapped me when they first arrived, and when I escaped, I was in the Wilds. The Void made me sick, somehow - not infected, but like it had sapped all of my strength. And by the time I recovered, so much time had passed, and Stormbreak was firmly in Dahlia's hands.

"Anyway, ever since then I've been trying to figure out how to get Stormbreak back. And I thought I was going to do it, but then we went to cleanse the region, and we fought a Void dragon, and it... killed my companion." Her fingers tightened against her arms where they wrapped around her legs. "And after that, I just... couldn't breathe, let alone lead. Even now, when I'm in Stormbreak, I'm... it's just not the same. Zavien's leading now, and I'm on his council, but... I spend as much time away as I reasonably can."

It was startling, to say it aloud: that home had become something to run from rather than to. And maybe that meant that it shouldn't be home at all, but sometimes it felt like all she had, and she wasn't quite ready to give it up just yet.

fin

Check my spirit in the mirror
Starry eyed tonight

Sohalia